THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 44, 10 July 1915, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That our French Allies say it another way nowadays—Kiel canaille! —That Trentham is infected with germs. Shall we find an antidote in the Liver Pills? —That, vide a "Herald" headline, "Britain in Bulgaria." We knew the map would change! —That, vide soldiers' letters, the Turks are clean fighters. They all have close shaves every day. —That the haughty attitude of the suburban coy i® now explained. Butter is "riz" another penny. —That stewards are no longer allowed to take tips. So if you see any steward in Vulcan Lane—-but there I —That a shortage of butter is predicted. Same old shortage of two ounces to the pound, one supposes. —That in Konigsberg a million quarts of whisky have been destroyed. The spirits of the Germans are much depressed. —That the Sultan of Turkey is reported seriously ill. It is understood he is suffering from GaUipoling consumption,. —That when the Technical Collegian was asked, "What is the chief need of Britain?" he replied, "Shells, by George!" —That, according to a German communique, "We reached the Bug below Kazonka Strzumitowa." We hope the insect bit 'em! —That the Rev. Mr Gillam liar, been given leave of absence as longas the war lasts. Oh, brethren, may it not take more than 15 years! —-That the daily press is misinformed in stating that only two comets have been seen in 1915. There were Mellish, Winnecke —and Vernon Reed. —That so many bungles are being made in casualty lists that _ some responsible people are asking if the authorities accent payment for cables—and do not send them. —That it is declared by a prominent Aucklauder that while in Egypt the New Zealanders dug so much that everybody has a mummy in his kit. Sir Alexander is mum on the point. —That the appointment of an R.A.M.C officer "to organise the New Zealand military service is so sensible that one would like to know who suggested it to Minister Allen. —That a large number of ladies who have kindly knitted Balaclava Caps for soldiers Will be hurt to know from an official that the men have been actually Wearing them at IVentham. —That the daily papers are amplifying their personal columns with exceedingly interesting matter at present. M.P.s travel between Wellington and Auckland every week-end. —That Auckland's Christopher James declared' in Parliament that the people who made large profits by the war should be taxed. "Right oh," roared Willie Pitchfork, "tax the lawyers!" —That, as gifts for the New Zealand forces are being invited, a person of proved honesty, with the fighting capacity of a thousand composite bulldogs, should! "be sent to guard them. —That it is untrue that harbour passenger companies will give a diemonstration on Saturday of their ability to get out the lifeboats and supply every passenger with a belt in emergencies. No! No! It doesn't require looking into! Besides—no profits!

—That the knitting fever in public has subsided. Few girls care to display hose now. —That "the Pope will receive no more journalists during the war. So THAT scoop's off, Malcolm! —That America is at present sending large quantities of shells to New Zealand. Fowl work inside! —That bombs dropped in Belgium damaged the enemy's rear—but it doesn't seem polite to mention it. —That many a sweet Auckland girl who is knitting cocks and balaclavas has some young soldier by the wool. —That the athletic life our girls lead makes them strong. Another lady has been shop-lifting—big, heavy shop, too. —That advices from Freeman's Bay declare that while General Robin has been promoted General Prosperity has been reduced. —That only on<e newspaper man has been decorated during this war so far. And Malcolm Ross says: ' 'Am I downhearted ? No!" —That since it has been elicited that the portfolio of Defence is not to be transferred Mr Parr has worn a singularly un'liappy look. —That week-end politicians report that Bellamy's i:ow supply excellent respirators to minimise the effect of asphyxiating gases. —That a breathless world is in the hands of a few eminents—Kitchener, Hohenzollern, Nicolas, Joffre, French —and Tau Henare. —That Tom Seddon and Downie Stewart, M.P.'s, laughed violently when the sergeant-major ordered them to charge! They're both lawyers. —That the cable-heading reads: "British Cabinet to act on liquor," Whichj of course, is better than to have liquor act on the British Cabinet. —That the Huns now spray burning oil on their enemies. We trust the Tommies won't hurt these perambulating hells whoii th.y catch them. —That Edison has invented a device for keeping the air in submarines fresh. Auckland picture show proprietors should write to him at once. —That Mr James Allen is adamant in refusing to hand over the portfolio of Defence. So quite a number of political officers are in despair. —That a member of the Food Oomimission has been overheard to remark that "the whole thing is a frost." How dare he tell untruths like this? —That if Orakei k to be used as a military camp, will the engineers begin at once to erect tanks to catch a water supply? But perhaps water doesn't count? —That at Home they are advocating calling a council of colonials to England to confer on Avar—but it is not known whether Mr G. J. Garland can spare the time. —That history repeats itself. Last year Mr Storey was struck with pieces of flying 6heli, and now the French commander in Gallipoli has been a victim of a like misfortune. —That the well earned gibe on the "American" display of guns in Saturday's procession, "We make these but don't use them," may cast the United States into the conflict. —That when a local lawyer with an ineffective leg was turned down by the soldier doctors he eagerly remarked': "What about driving a conveyance?" Oh, Bill, you funny dog! —-That when the little spectacled National Reservist of Remuera was told "Gallipoli can only be taken by the bayonet," he raised himself to liis full height and yelled, "and by gad, sir, WE'LL doit!" —That the sudden return of a physically unfit recruit to hie suburban home last week emphasised the fact that wives should really be careful. No. 2 gentleman's face is really not fit to be seen.

Announcements of engagements and contributions of social items may be forwarded to " Myra," Observer Office. In all cases the writer's signature and address are necessary.