MUD! A DESPERATE DITTY.

Observer, Volume XXIX, Issue 42, 3 July 1909, Page 23

MUD! A DESPERATE DITTY.

(By our Pet Pessimist.)

I would snortle a tale with a terrible wail. For of anguish and grief I am full. And my heart's full of care — full of grief and despair., Which it ain't , I may state, as a rule. But my tidings of woe I would have you to know, So I drop 'em down here with a thud; And the subject of these, kindly note, if you please, Ie nought more romantic than mud. Coalbox — Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! It's here, it's there, it's everywhere. Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! In manner kind and dutiful Please gaze upon this beautiful Mud ! If in Queen-street you walk, and in majesty stalk, You may get a sad shock in a minute. If you don't mind your eye, off your tootsies may fly Thro' the mvd — and you'll find yourself in it. As you fly thro' the air, you will probably swear That you'll seek City Councillors' blood. But, in spite of the weather, there's nothing like leather, And nothing so charming as mud. Coalbox again — Mud! Mud ! Mud ! It's there, it's here, like ginger beer. Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! Tho' you may not like to don it, Gaze with admiration on it — Mud ! If you go for a lark to that beautiful park — Alexandra's the. name — where they play Hugby football pell-mell, where the barrackers yell Like foghorns on each Saturday. You may go if you like, but you'll soon get the spike, And you'll think you have struck Noah's flood. For in crossing the road., you will fincl that abode Is nothing except simple mud. Coalbox once more — Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! It's here, it's there, it's everywhere. Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! Oh, you shouldn't get the spike, For you really ought to like Mud ! " Up in Newton's main street, 'tis a positive treat, To walk in the sweet winter time ; When the lights glimmer low, and you really don't know Where you're going. (Oh, ain't it sublime !) Till you fall on your ear with a shriek loud and "clear, And you come, to the earth with a thud. Well, the reason is plain : you have struck once again A blissful deposit of mud. Coalbox as before — '< Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! Itj's here, it's there, it's everywhere. , Mud ! Mud" ! iviud ! Tho' your clothes it may destroy, You should really enjoy Mud !

Should you journey afar for a ride on the car, Please be careful, or you may regret it. You may get off too quick, and in just half a tick You'll see stars, and you shouldn't forget it. Don't forget to look round ere you leap to the ground, Or you'll speedily murmur. "Oh, lud 1" ' For you've made a bold dash with a horrible splash In a mountainous muddle of mud. Coalbox repeated — Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! It's here, it's there, it's everywhere. Mud I Mud ! Mud ! It may bring you to your knees, But praise, sir, if you please, Mud ! Here's a point you may note : you should purchase a boat Or a punt to convey you afar. *or tis perfectly plain that 'tis simply in vain To walk — you dunno where you are. And 'tis simply the truth, you're cut off in your youth, Like a tender and beautiful bud Ure you've waddled a yard, your progress is marred By a slip into fathoms of mud. Coalbox encore Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! It's here, it's there it's everywhere Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! Just to properly complete this, Let me say there's nought to beat this Mud ! Oh, the housewives may growl and in agony howl, Over carpets disfigured with mire But tis clearly in vain if they loudly complain, And to better conditions aspire. For 'tis simply a treat when you find that each street Is mirey — it may rouse your blood. But you ought to admit that for one thing .you're fit, And that is to wrestle with mud. Coalbox for the last time (hooray !)-iMud !_ Mud ! Mud ! It's here, it's there, it's everywhere Mud ! Mud ! Mud ! Loud paeans let us raise, And all in chorus praise Mud !

t, i T m 6 Passin S of the Third Floor tfack, Jerome K. Jerome's "idle fancy," which has passed its 250 th night m England, is to be staged in. Sydney by Rupert Clarke, Meynell and G-unn's New English company, which is at present appearing m "The Hypocrites."

Harry Shine, the well-known comedian, is very ill in the St. Vincent's Hospital, Sydney.

Miss Olive Lenton is at present appearing at the Palace, London, in a Isong s'cena entitled " Harvest Time." Miss Lenton was here with Dixs, Fuller's, Rickards's and Pollard's companies. «

The tour which Madame Melba has mapped out in Australia will occupy her until March next, when she will sail from Perth to London. She js due at Covent Garden for the opera season on the 16th: May; 1910^ , t ! :