THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXIX, Issue 27, 20 March 1909, Page 16

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

'THE news that the Ferro -Concrete A Company proposes to wind up its

affairs and go into liquidation will not, perhaps, come altogether as a surprise 'to the public. Persistent rumours have been in circulation for some time to the effect that the company was not by any means too strong financially, and the liquidation proposals would appear to substantiate these rumours. So far as the local works under construction by the company are concerned, there is every reason to believe that, even if liquidation is decided upon, they will be carried to a conclusion. This is satisfactory enough. What is not so satisfactory is the reported action of the Harbour Board's standing committee in recommending the payment to the company of £12,000 on the wharf contract.

Supposing, for the sake of argument, that the company found that it was not in a position to complete its contract, the Board thight find itself in a very awkward position. The whole affair only goes to prove our oftrepeated argument that the committee system is an eminently undesirable one in connection with a public body like the Harbour Board. According to the " Herald," this £12,000 has already been paid to the company on the recommendation of the Standing Committee. But, since the deliberations of the Standing Committee are not open to the Press, the public would

probably nev6r , have heard $6f ~?.ainy : \ such : recommendation had it not been for the fact ' • tbiafr t'^e- matter was brought to light in connection with the letter from the secretary of the Ferro - Gp%(stt% : sP^V)^J* b^S\ n S tbttt^./tirJßfc'r jC!ph^«j^'\ ifir'bgibcifEid going into -UqhiafttiS^n!^ jChe committee system should » brought to life agaiB v and; haying been brought to life, it should forthwith be re-slain and buried.

The promoters of the proposed memorial to the late Sir James Hector are complaining that funds are coming in very slowly. But what did they expect ? In view of the slowness with which funds came in for memorials to the late R. J. Seddon, it can hardly be expected that people will support the Hector memorial scheme with great degree of enthusiasm. The üblic memory is notoriously fickle, as evidenced by the Seddon memorial business.

"Overdraft" writes: Dear Observer, — Your recent action in connection with the Licensing Bill shows an earnest desire to endeavour to improve the tone of the community in the direction of increased sobriety. There is, however, a vital point which has been overlooked, and if you can only do something to remedy the matter you will be conferring a lasting obligation. I allude to the condition of the money market, which ia admittedly tight (otherwise groggy), and has been bo for some time. I that in cases of confirmed, tightness it is permissible to obtain a prohibition order, and 1 would respectfully suggest that you devote your surplns energies to secure such an order against the money market, thereby assisting in preventing a continuance of the tightness.

: ;: I There is ;a wild and wicked legend v t6; the effect that • pressmefn/are always thirsty. This, of course, is in most cases a hideous libel. • One of the '" Star's V literary staff, however, would appear to be a, thirsty soul, judging- from the fact that ■ in the course of his- account of- a visit to the Government ' farm at Waerenga, he commented on "the exceeding dryness, and the great courtesy of the residential staff." Was the concluding portion of that sentence "writ sarkastick " ?

An extempore bonfire burst out sharply and suddenly in Short landstreet last Saturday night. On that evening the Central Mission is in the habit of holding a short service just beside the Victoria Arcade, and a light is thrown on the subject by means of kerosene torches. On the occasion referred to, 6ne of the said torches, evidently feeling disgusted with the dryness of the proceedings, began a little entertainment on its own account. It incontinently sprang a leak, and began to blaze away merrily in a manner that caused the cab horses on the adjacent stand to wildly prance, under the silly impression that the end of the world was at hand, or some such nonsense.

The individual who held that torch seemed quite nonplussed at this unexpected behaviour on the part of his charge, and be was wildly gyrating around when a gentleman who had evidently been out in the sun blithely commanded the discomfited torchbearer to " hand — hie — over the blesahed torch to me. ' I'll shoon fichah it." The torch- bearer unwisely did so, and the inebriated one, whose notions on the subject of fireextinguishing appeared to be decidedly original, promptly laid the torch on the ground and jumped > on it.

' ■ '"" ;■•'••■■ ' ■■..• .■■.'.'.■. -: ..■' ' ..; ■, Naturally, the burning kerosene flowed all over the scene, arid the great unwashed were treated to a fiery spectacle to' which the eruption of Ngauruhoe couldn't have been a cirenmstance. However, they managed to check the ardour of the inebriated one, and of the fire, bttt it was an exciting time while it lasted, and it isn't often that missions are responsible for furnishing the public with any excitement.

Dear Observer, — Doesn't it strike you as a bit inconsistent that* just at a* time when Sir Joseph Ward and his Ministry are clearing ont of the Civil Service a number of more or less hale men who have reached the age of 65, be should appoint as Crown Solicitor for Taranaki an old gentleman whose years are long past the allotted span, and who is nearly old enough to be papa to some of the past-workers? — What Ho!

The newspaper accounts of the eruption of Ngauruhoe resemble the classic story about the Scotch boy who startled his mother -with a report that there were "a million cats on top of oor hoose," and gradually whittled down the figureb till he was sure that there were " oor auld cat and anither ane, anyhow." They started with a column of steam and ashes that went to a height of 8000 feet, and "rivalled Stromboli and Vesuvius " in spectacular effect. After a day or two it was found that the column went up fully 800 feet, and was a comparatively puny affair, of which Stromboli and Vesuvius would have been ashamed. Probably, when the scientists are in possession of full data it will be found that there really was a dust cloud of a couple of hundred feet. But what would have been the use of a trifle of that kind for newspaper sensation purposes ?

The defeated candidates for the Licensing Election have been returning thanks through the newspapers to those who voted for them, and their advertisement starts off thusly : "We wish: to express bur thanks to the 5000 odd electors," etc. But it seems rather like base ingratitude for the Band of Business Men's chosen ones to thus deliberately assert that the people who voted for them were "odd," No doubt they were; but why blazon forth the news to the world in this heartlesss fashion ?

Item from the Invercargill "Times":— "This is Hospital Saturday. Further comment is needless, as complete and unescapable arrangements have been made to remind every person in the town several times of the fact. When everything is over the band will play. The Pipe Band will play from the Hospital into town, starting at 7.30 p.m." It's just as well that a collection was taken up for the hospital before the bagpipes started, as it is only reasonable to suppose that the hospital would be wanted urgently afterwards.

Daggers, are sheathed and guns unallotted between the competing steamboat companies of Kaipara Harbour. No more will the inhabitants of Dargaville and Belensville find it almost as cheap to travel between the two towns at ferry-boat fares as to stay at home. Of course, the ridiculous fare of a shifting per trip couldn't last. The only wonder is that it was kept up (or down) for something like six months. The companies have now, as was to be expected, come to an arrangement as to their respective spheres of influence, and put their fares and freights back to the old level. People are now asking whether a reasonable charge wouldn't lie somewhere between the nimble shilling of last week and the stiff figures of jthe past and future.

It would be well for th 6 city Council to take care that the übo of the public parks is not turned into abuse. We learn, on excellent authority, that a 100 yards race was run on a recent evening at Victoria Park for money stakes, and that a considerable amount of, betting took place on the result. It is only fair to the caretaker to mention that, on remonstrating with the promoters before the event took place, he was informed by them that it was a purely amateur affair, and was merely to settle an argument. This may appear a small matter, but if it is to be permitted to continue unchecked, it may develop into a very serious evil.

A New Zealander who has resided fo? some years in Australia, and who is now paying a holiday visit to Auckland, writes to us complaining that no Auckland papers are filed at the Sydney office of the New Zealand Tourist Department, although papers from such small centres as Wanganui, Oamaru, Invercargill, etc., are always available. If that's so, our correspondent ought to communicate with Czar Donne, who loves Auckland and all that therein is, and who hasn't an atom of prejudice or partiality in his nature. But let him write respectfully, or evil may overtake him.

There is a shop in Ponsonby Road, the owner of which evidently believes in adopting a system of orthography that is peculiarly his own. The shop in question is a cross between a grocery Btore and a registry office, and, among the other legends hung up in the window, the following are conspicuous : —

Home Made Tomato Sause. Qualifide JNurse Wants Situation. To Let, One Larg Room. If Maurice Keesing is on the look-out for a new language, he might do worse than apply to the Vi proprietor of the shop alluded to. Phonetic spelling is nothing to it.

The sight of the poor old c.a. Wellington lying rust-eaten and forlorn in the upper reaches of the harbour must serve to bring home to the minds of the public the evanescent qualities of " the glory that was Greece, and the grandeur that was Rome." Away back in the 'seventies, the Wellington was the pride and glory of the Northern Steamship Company's fleet, and her arrival here created a very considerable sensation. It was claimed for her that she had the most perfectly symmetrical lines of any steamer in New Zealand — if not in all Australasia. And even to-day she would take a lot of beating from an artistic point of view. Her accommodation, however, falls short of. the payable point, and so she has been condemned as a back number. Sic transit gloria raundi.

One of the mysteries that have puzzled the city police of late ia the appearance of a broad-arrow mark burned upon the back of a woman of the vagabond class who has just been consigned to Mount Eden, and who declines to enlighten them as to the origin of the disfigurement. That, however, is not the only broad arrow mystery that could be found in Auckland. There are men walking about the city who are obliged to deny themselves the pleasures of public bathing for fear of exciting unpleasant. remark. For these men bear upon them, and will carry to their graves, conspicuous scars suspiciously resembling the old convict brand of infamy, though the distinction was acquired innocently enough.

The victims of the mysterious brand were members of a friendly society lodge which at one time existed on an Auckland district goldfield. It seems that' the doorkeeper, or outside guardian of this lodge, or whatever else he was called, -was a practical joker in his own way. The initiation ceremony of the society involved the admission of the neophyte in a blindfold condition. It was the practice of the cerberns of the lodge, as soon as he bad his candidate hoodwinked, to heat an iron arrow head , in the gas-flame, lift the leg of his victim's trousers, and apply the heated iron to. his calf. Strange to say, this objectionable system was carried on for years. Most candidates had heard chaff about the mysterious " brand " that such societies are said to apply in their initiation ceremonies, and when they felt the sizzling iron upon their skins they took for granted that there' had been some ground for the threat of branding after all. Consequently, they refrained from raping Cain, on. the supposition that it was a usual incident of the proceedings, and also from disinclination to make objection to what they assumed that a long line of others had gone through without complaining.

For the same reason, the younger members failed to comment amongst themselves upon their experience. Consequently, the scandal of their maltreatment was long unknown to the older hands of the institution. In course of time, however, the inevitable exposure came,; Some pierspn /more spirited than the rest resented the outrage, and kicked »p * row in the ante-

room, which brought the greybeardß of the order out to investigate, the inquiry that followed resulted in a severe reprimand to the guardian of the door, who was deposed from bis billet. Bnt this didn't mend matters for the invidiously decorated persons, who have ever since been nnder the necessity of keeping their manly hgures continuously clothed, leap awkward questions should be asked.

Dear Observer,— A lengthy article recently appeared in one of your contemporaries anent the. voting for Licensing Committee. lam not in the country long, but can find the Business Men sufficient evidence bo prove that £1 per bottle was offered for whisky in order to celebrate the arrival of one of our most prominent M.L C.'s. This occurred in the Kins Country. If it is possible for our legislators to cut these capers, why Bhould a man conducting a legitimate business and paying a Government license be watched and given no chance? If the Band of B.M. are anxious to know, they can be supplied with the names and addresses of some of the consignees of the vile liquor in the King Country. This is not said in a Pecksniffian sense.— Disgusted.

New Zealanders in general and Aucklanders in particular have been in the habit of pluming themselves on the supposition that the opening of the Panama Canal would very considerably shorten the mail route between England and New Zealand. We sorry to shatter the illusion, but an illusion it is. The completion of the canal will only shorten the route by about 600 miles, which represents approximately two days' travel. This fact may be looked upon as 'incr.i liable, but it is vouched for by the ski;* •• per of one of the largest steamers :'m the London to New Zealand w.fti.6, and when explained with the aji ; <?f a chart the truth of the theory, is made abundantly plain. The. ooaipletion of the canal may increase. the_. trade between the eastern pori3 of North America and New but as a means of communiciE'on with the Mother Country it will be of very little practical use.

Kofcorua is noted for other things than its hot poota and razbrback trout and State control of municipal affaire. For instance, the romance that began with Hinemoa and Tutanekai can be matched with one that is up-to-date. It is the story of a marriage that took place at St. John's since the beginning of the year. The hide's career has been one of cumulative romances. Relict of four successive; husbands, she yet liveth, beaming and hearty, with a' blooming countenance ana a mellifluous tongue which lately captivated a resident in the district, and) led to his aspiring to be number five in. the succession of spouses. ' The wooing and- wedding were completed within the apace of a month. Now, with a substantial family, the fruit of the lady's earlier ventures, thie couple have taken up their abode on the mountain aide, followed to their retreat, by the benedictions of friends who are speculating as to whether any other town than Rotorua can produce a lady whose life-time has been more studded with courtships and orange- blossoms.