THE WORLD'S CHAMPIONS

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 47, 10 August 1907, Page 23

THE WORLD'S CHAMPIONS

NEW ZEALAND LEADS THE WAY.

(For the Observer)

On scroll of Fame inscribe New Zealand's deeds of glory, In lengthy diatribe Set forth the noble story. O'er wondrous news we must enthuse — Such things inspire the fatuous muse ; And so altho', you know, 'tis woe, The bard's inspired with fevered glow. He must, we trust, be just, or bust, And raise the proud poetic dust About New Zealand's doings great, So prithee list and hear him prate.

Now let the breezes bear afar New Zealand's record glorious, In doughty deeds she truly leads, In all she proves victorious. These islands in the southern sea Are small in population, But otherwise we can't disguise They eas'ly lick creation. And if we skite — 'Tis only right — We boss the whole creation ! When Webb went forth with^ trusty sculls From Towns to wrest the glory, He couldn't fail to add a tale Unto our book of glory. And since supremacy be won Upon the Paramatta, 'lis right to deem we'd be supreme In any great regatta. Let's send a crew To Henley too, And boss the whole regatta. Our football fame is known to all, And truly we should guard it ; Our record grand should proudly stand, For why should we discard it? Go seek our scroll of sporting fame, And then, if well you search it, You must admit 'tis hardly fit That any should besmirch it. Your honest name You can't reclaim If once you should besmirch it. At tennis Wilding proved supreme, For skill — he doesn't lack it. And champions fell beneath the spell Of Wilding's deadly racket. And trophies he annexed galore, New Zealand's fame he vaunted, This brilliant star in courts afarStands forth in style undaunted ; For trophies more He sees in store, And so he stands undaunted. At bowls John Court and Casey, to 4 0, Are making things look merry ; No Council care can harm them there, Which is consoling — very. No tramcar troubles vex their souls, For bowls they're busy rolling ; Their colleagues, too, might like to do A little bit of bowling. This tramway biz Relaxing is — They'd like to do some bowling. At cricket Curly Ohlson stands Supreme — a modest fellow ; He'll ne'er narrate his doings great — He's far too shy to tell, oh ! And if to England be should go, He'd prove a champion scorer ; The batsmen there would lose their hair — They'd need a hair restorer. On Curly's hair They'd wildly glare — He's got a^ood restorer. New Zealand's experts lead the world, And Auckland takes the biscuit, I'll gladly quote some names of note — That is, if 1 may risk it. George George is still within our midst, Tho' P. A. Vaile has left us ; At Britain's call, of him and all His talents he b > I us. When Britain cried P. A. replied, And so he has bereft us. In statesmen, too, we lead the way, Our Auckland members know it, And of that crowd we're very proud, Altho' we may not show it. For Gladstone's nought compared to Poole, : v And Ba I four's nought to'^awry, While as for Baume — if be went Home He'd shine in oratory.* From Alfred Kidd There's nothing hid In ways of oratory.

At Arthur's Pa°s they've got a job '- Of magnitude ecstatic, . We'll spread the cash and make a splash — - The reason's enigmatic. But still without such works as this Our glory would be lost us. We must be bold our place to hold Whatever it may cost us. A work like this Affords us bliss • Whatever it may cost us. The champion bridge of all the world Will be our Grafton glory, 'Twill add still more unto the lore Of this Dominion's glory. The Brooklyn Bridge may blush with shame, . The Forth is but a cipher, And he who flouts our conq'ring shouts Deserves to get a lifer. Oh ! he who tries To criticise Should surely get a lifer. In all the world you ne'er could find A City Council finer Than this of ours, no civic powers Could ever be diviner. Tho' Glasgow boasts progressive ways, She's nought to Auckland City ; f Our Council's ways, they merit praise, They lack it, tnore's the pity. It isn't fair Our praise to spare — To do so seems a pity. Of elephants of whitish tint We hold a fane selection ; The world can show none sueh — altho' I'm open to correction. No firefloat such as ours exists (A fact which p'raps is pleasant), But still, you know, we lead the show In elephants at present. We all delight In colour white For elephants at present. In health resorts we hold the lead In places great and wondrous/ Like Freeman's Bay, where smells hold B way. . . And where the sounds are thund'rous. Where wild destructors vomit smoke, And gassy microbes gamble. Now, could you trace a finer £lace In which to have a ramble 1 The world can vaunt "- No finer haunt In which to have a ramble. When Gen'ral Napier toddled Home, Lord Roberts stood and trembled, The dogs of war were silent, for Before him they dissembled. If William led the British arms, Then war would be abolished ; No aliens e'er to fight would dare, They'd quickly be demolished. Yes, any power, Within an hour Would quickly be demolished. If Charlie Beresford should need Assistance, we could send him To fight the foe a man we know — 'Tib very hard to lead him. But Alec Alison's the one (We call him Captain Kettle), The Channel Fleet would be complete — He'd put them on their mettle. He'd teach them how To stop a row, And put them on their mettle. And Peter Virtue holds the place Of boss of telegraphing. If that you'd know, just ask Sir Joe If Peter's good at chaffing. So Peter's still the champion here, That is, at least at wiring ; In enterprise he's bound to rise, Tho' modest and retiring. 'Tis good to see That small P.V. Ip modest and retiring. So let us sing our paeans loud, For we're supreme in glory ; Where'er you turn you're sure to learn From us the same old story. We stand above the outer world, Our glamour ir admitted ; . & •Tis only right that we should skite** For that we're duly fitted. '?-'':. In ways ,of skite We're champions— quite, For that we're very: fitted. ;. fe; ■'- ■■'■. ' ..■