THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXVII, Issue 45, 27 July 1907, Page 16

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

THE mystery attached to the supposed theft of a necklace of some

'value from a certain suburban mansion has been cleared up, but in a most unexpected manner, and under circumstances that have given rise to a great deal of whispered gossip amougst the ladies of a particular clique in local society. When the necklace disappeared, it was supposed either to have been stolen from the house or to have been misappropriated by one of the domestic servants. The latter were very indignant at their possessions being searched, and promptly "gave notice" as their only means of retaliation, but this did not solve the problem of the mysterious disappearance.

Some weeks having elapsed, the lady's husband was passing a shop window, when he saw the missing necklet exposed for sale, amongst other articles of jewellery. There was no doubt about its identity. His first impulse was to communicate with the police, but, on spcond thoughts, he decided that it would be more prudent to ring up his wife and get her to come to town to identify the necklet. When she was acquainted with the momentous discovery, however, she showed no signs of jubilation. On the contrary, she burst into tears, and, at the mention of the police, finally developed an hysterical outburst.

The husband was perplexed. Evidently, his wife's nervous system was overwrought as a consequence of the loss, and the tudden recovery. When her paroxysm had subsided, however, she made a startling confession. Having had serious financial tosses at a bridge evening, and being afraid to ask

her husband for the money, she had obtained an advance on the jewellery, in the hope of eventually being able to redeem it, her intention then being to say that it had been mislaid. She had not been able to make up the amount necessary, and, while still •hort of a pound or two, her husband h*d found the article. The story, which, for certain reasons, could not be kept wholly a secret, has found its way into circulation. It is to be hoped that it will be a useful lesson to other wives who occasionally indulge in bridge evenings.

Stated that the Government has accepted a tender for the formation of Arthur's Pass tunnel on the Midland Railway at a price of a little under .£600,000. How does this beneficent generosity to a railway ;■) an out-of-the-way and mountainous part of the colony compare with the niggard doles grudgingly meted out niggard doles grudgingly meted out to the North Auckland Midland Railway has more money expended on it than is spent even on the Main Trunk in two years. Is it any wonder that the North versus South cry is continuously in evidence ?

All Auckland is talking about the trenchant and effective speech made by Mr E. W. Alison in reply to the attack of Mr Davey, a Christchurch member, on Auckland and its people in moving the Address-in-Reply. The attack was one that ought to have been promptly and stroiigly replied to by the city members, but, for the space of seven days, it was iinanswered. Mr Baume was in illhealth, Mr Alfred Kidd was silent, and Mr Poole, who did speak, delivered himself of some wishy-washy flap-doodle, which passes muster for wit, but which was no reply to the Southern onslaught. At the end of a week, Mr Alison constituted himself the champion of Auckland, and fairly wiped the floor with the truculent Pavev. It was a capital speech, but it should have come from a city member, if the city members were capable of asserting Auckland's position and prestige.

Newmarket Borough Council wants the municipality to buy out the 1 raniway Company. But why shouldn't the Newmarket Borough Council be independent and buy out the Company themselves, and appoint either Councillor Davis or Councillor Teed, as general manager ? Then the Walklate policy would be a thing of the past.

It would he interesting to know what steps are to be taken to secure the Royal Humane Society's medal for Constable Berry, of Devonport, in recognition of his efforts to save the three men who lost their lives on the ill-fated Flora. The casualty happened several hundred yards off the Devonport Wharf at three o'clock in the., morning. Berry and the night watchman were standing together in conversation at the time. Listen to Berry's story as told in the "Star: — "Out of the darkness, borne by the gale, came a sudden cry. The constable heard it first and drew the attention of Mr Hamilton to it. They went on the deck of the steamer Kestrel, which was berthed aside the wharf., and listened. Again cries, and two distinct voices could be heard. They knew that it was an appeal for help, that out in the harbour the lives of at least two people were imperilled, but no word of the shrieks could be made out. The night was inky black, and only the direction of the cries could be distinguished. They knew that they came from windward and from some little distance out in the harbour. There was no light on the vessel to indicate her exact whereabouts. The first thought of the constable and night watchman was to launch a boat, but a fierce squall was then in progress, and they recognised that such an effort in the face of the heavy sea would be worse than futile."

What was the courageous act that Constable Berry performed to save the lives of those three shrieking and despairing men ? He went up the town and wakened the senior constable Eccles. And Eccles, when he arrived, waved a lantern from the wharf.

It is a thrilling story of bravery and courage. The heavy squall, the inky blackness, the three men in the water shrieking for help in their death agony, two able-bodied men listening, with a boat at their disposal, and one of them — a police constable — walked up the town and awakened his senior officer. Why didn't they launch' a boat ? Even if it had swamped, they would have had the satisfaction of knowing that they had done their best., ■ As- for danger, there wece hundreds of lifebelts loose in- the cabin of the steamer on which they were standing. They could nave worn half-a-dozen each and absolutely assured their own safety. But is it possible to conceive a sea in the Auckland harbour in which' a boat would not have lived ? Even if they did not dare venture themselves, -why did they not ring the adjacent firebell ? Then they would, in a couple of minutes, have had a hundred men beside them who would have risked their lives. But they did everything they could. Constable Berry went up the (9wn and wakened Constable Eccles,

The burning question of tha moment on the water-front is '' »ilvj ii going to pay for the damage caused to the new Railway Wharf ferroconcrete structure during tho gale ?" The bill will be a heavy one. The "Herald" says the damage was caused by Macklow Bros', logs, which had broken adrift from Mechanics Bay, and Macklow Brothers indignantly deny that their logs broke loose or were near the structure. The "Star," in its account of the gale, makes no mention of the logs. What sea-faring people cannot understand is how the logs could get so far out to windward as the end of the Railway Wharf, against the force of a heavy sea. But there are more, things in connection with ferro-coucrete than are dreamt of in otir philosophy.

Waihi is finding a difficulty in raising sufficient funds to start a technical school. Why not subsidise the gentlemanly John Payne to go and dwell among the Waiheatbeps? One glance at him would make manifest the advantages of a technical school, and money would roll in abundantly. In fact, they might raise too much.

When the awful conviction first carried itself home to the minds of the Auckland people that Percy A. Vaile, without blare of trumpet or beat of drum, had silently folded his tent and departed from our midst, there was naturally much speculation concerning the object of his mission. The footballers picked it in one. That morning, the papers had contained the announcement of the crushing defeat ot the All-Black footballers by New South Wales. The explanation was obvious. Percj being able to do everything better than anyone else, had hurried across to Sydney to instruct our footballers in the abstruse technical points of the game, and, in a word, show them how to win. This story appeared unassailable on Monday when the news came of the triumph of New Zealand over Australia. P.A.V. had worked the oracle. But alas for this plausible theory, it has since transpired that Percy has gone to London. The Empire called, and he answered.

The daily papers told us the other day that W. J. Napier had written to the Devonport Borough Council informing it that the power rested with the local bodies of imposing any charge they pleased for fares on the ferry steamers. As a matter of fact, the Devonport Borough Council had not received.tbe. letter at the moment the daily papers published it, but that is a circumstance. But this talk of a Ferry Board and what it can do is an old story. Some time ago, a Ferry Board was actually formed, and J. H. Hannan, who was then a councillor, displayed a characteristic desire to play up and break existing things. The Ferry Board passed certain resolutions or regulations, and conveyed them to the Ferry Company; but the latter smiled, and did nothing. Then the Ferry Board rose in its wrath to compel the Ferry Company to, obey. But it couldn't. There were no penal clauses, in the Act. The Ferry Board, could demand anything it pleased, but' it couldn't enforce its demand. And that is precisely the position if it fixe* a tariff of farce now, ( ~

Noi. generally known that' it was the übiquitous P. A. Vaile who shaped the course of the late Imperial Conference. Now the cat is out of the bag. ■3?t>r,the London f< Daily Mail," of ApHr.2stli', ' nas thefojlou--ing :— " The following tejefgySjhjwas handed in at nobrrat Auckland, New Zealand, addressed to '•bhe 'Daily Mail.' ' Auckland, . Wednesday, April 24. Qyer-sea greetings." Tell the Imperial Conference to take its line from Sir William Lyne, and remind Lord Elgin ,that England once owned America. — 1\ A. Vaile, New Zealand.' " 'P. A.,- it will be noticed, with his usual modesty, quite omitted to mention the fact that he owns New Zealand.

The high falutin' talk of the tram conductors about conserving the public safety by refusing to take straphangers has received its quietus. And the man who gave it the quietus was (of all men) Arthur Rosser. In the course of his trades and labour notes in the " Star," Arthur says : — " The men decided that as the Court had decreed that their pay was sufficient for the work rendered, they would no longer continue to do extra work without extra pay." As a matter of fact, it was palpable from the start that the clause concerning looking after the piiblic safety was shoved in as an afterthought. But it is pleasing to get corroboration from such a highly reliable source. Now what will the autocratic Tramway Union say to their paid secretary for thus giving the show away ?

Arthur's statements are deliciously wild. Says he : — '' So long as the men were content to carry 40 or 50 passengers over the registered number on each car, the company were satisfied to put on what cars it pleased." Will he kindly point out how it is possible for even the largest car to take "40 or 50" passengers in excess of the licensed number ? Such a statement is a palpable absurdity, but it is only on a par with a great many' of the other statements which are continually emanating from Labour agitators. Further on, Arthur remarks : — - " I never held an inordinate longing to work as a conductor on a tram car." .Well, that statement is just about the only credible one of the whole lot. The question is whether Arthur Rosser ever held an inordinate desire to do any work at all. If so, he has always taken scrupulous care to keep his desire secret.

" wash and cook and sew men all their lives." Great Christopher Columbus! in the first place, why is it necessary to wash , m.en ? Can't the poor creatures, wa.ph themselves ? Secondly, whycook them.?. Purely this is not a cannibalistic community, and, anyway, they're really much better raw. Thirdly, why the dickens should they want sewing?: Will Emily Gibson kindly explain ?

One of our local detectives is looking for an umbrella which he lost under sad circumstances. He was on the track of a party who had a fancy for appropriating goods belonging to other people, and, " from information received," one night he had reason to believe that his quarry, whom he did not know by sight, was standing in the doorway of a certain draper's shop with a flower in his bubton hole. Sure enough, the man was there, flower and all, and the detective duly grabbed him. " I arrest you," said he. " The deuce you do!" replied the man. "All right, if you persist, I'll come with you, but you're making a mistake, you know." The detective smiled! "That's all right," he said. " You can tell that yarn to somebody else." Then the informer came along and addressed the detective. " You silly ass," he rudely remarked, " You've got the wrong man. The fellow you're after is standing in that other doorway roaud the corner."

The detective muttered an apology to the first arrestee. went round the corner and swooped down ou his ligbtful quarry. On the way up to the cells, it began to rain, and the detective, in raiding his umbrella, had both his hands engaged. Then his charge, taking advantage of the chance, nmde a wild dash for liberty. Then that umbrella went on strike, and for the life of him, the infuriated detective could not get it to come down. Finally, he left it lyiDg on the .pavement, and made a break after his scooting prisoner. With the help of a sympathetic policeman, he succeeded in recapturiug his quarry, but, on his return, he found that his umbrella had mys teriously disappeared. "And, so far, the united faculties of the Sherlock Holniesian detective force have failed to restore that "brolly" to its" bereaved and sorrowing owner. The way of the transgressor is hard, but that of the detective is harder.

If those St. Matthew's bell-ringers cannot curb their eager desires for practice, surely they could choose some other time for it than they do at present. People who attended the concert at His Majesty s last Monday night had their enjoyment of the singing considerably marred through the incessant jangling of the bells. And the din in the Opera House is terrific. Now what would happen if a brass band started a performance outside St. Matthew s while a service was going on ? Verily, there would be exceeding great ructions. Yet these inconsiderate bell-ringers are annoying larger crowds than have ever been in tot. Matthew's. Probably, however, it these energetic janglers do not soon moderate their zeal, the residents in the vicinity will turn and rend them. Which will be sweet and beautiful.

Cambridge is weeping fat and weighty tears of bitter woe. lne glory has departed. The mighty Five Thousand Club is no more, lhat stupendous force, which was to show the rest of the Empire the exact way to do things, has succumbed from the disease known as ''lack of mterestitis." Faithful to the last, however, the club has decided not to spend the balance in hand in a glorious shivoo, but is going to lay out the cash in purchasing and distributing booklets telling of the alories of Cambridge. But has Cambridge any glory left now that the Five Thousand Club is no more f Of course, it still has its Borough Council, but otherwise, alas ! it is a case of " Ichabod." It is indeed a bitter rub To lose the great Five Thousand Club. But lay it low beneath the sod,^ And softly murmur ' ' Ichabod ! * * *

Apparently, the Government is a law unto itself. There is a law which decrees that all pamphlets and periodicals must bear the imprint of a registered printing office. But "The Government Insurance Recorder," a monthly periodical, contains in no part of it the slightest hint as to where it was printed. However, this is probably on the principle that the King can do no wrong.

Some misguided person signing himself "Citizen," writing on the question of the overcrowding of the local, tramcars, tells the Star that nothing of the same kind .exists in southern cities. Tommyrot ! It's only necessary to go as far as Wellington to get a refutation of that statement. There, when the five o'clock rush is on, people are allowed on .the cars so long as they can hang on by a strap, or their eyebrows, or anything else. But they don't sympathise with the conductors there for 'the simple reason that all the money taken on the cars goes to the corporation. Here it goes to a private company, therefore, everybody stands aghast at the awful cruelty inflicted on the tender conductors. But there wouldn't be any such fuss if it was a corporation concern. The "do- it -better - in-Bouthern-city " gag is piffle.

The Star is getting too generous^ altogether with- its tides. In its .account of Court of Appeal proceedings at Wellington, it gravely announced that "Mr Hex V. Boberley, respon-' dent, was convicted " Thus the case of Rex versus Boberley is dinned up in such a manner that neither His Majesty nor Mr Boberley have thert feelings hurt. Is Henry Brett fishitfg for a knighthood, or is the Star only trying to avoid lese majest&'i As for Mr Boberley, he ought to be highly grateful to the " Twinkler" for furnishing him with a new, ready-made, aristocratic title. Hex V. Boberley would set oft a. visiting card to perfection.

The magisterial dignity of Mr Dyei'i S.M., appears to have a somewhat overwhelming efiect on hapless wi£nesses. . Only recently, at AVhangafei, a witness, in giving evidence, wa§ so overpowered by the awful majesty of the law that he calmly subsided intoTa faint, and his head struck theflobr with a crash that made the microbes jump. This was clearly contempt "t»f court, and that presumptuous individual did penance in the hospital/ Then another foolish witness toppled-help-lessly over in the local Police Court, evidently overpowered by Mi .Dyer's hypnotic influence, he incontinently collapsed into oblivion. And only last week another unfortunate person was overpowered, and sank more or less gracefully to the floor. All thjs.. is very uncanny, and shows the necessity for screening the majesty of the law from the vulgar gaze. For none bat an extra strong man can look upon it unmoved. a . • • " Do we sleep, do we dream, or is visions about ?" Inspect, this highly mysterious ad. from the "Herald" :—