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Observer, Volume XXI, Issue 1196, 30 November 1901, Page 15 (Supplement)

one footing — and take turn and turn about at the more unpleasant duties." We congratulated Mr Commissioner Finnerty, aud slowly elbowed our way into the bar. Here another surprise awaited us. The two most active barmen were our old friends Arthur and Leo Myers, and, during a lull in business, they stopped for a chat. Ye§, they liked the new system immensely. It relieved them of a great deal of anxiety when Dick Seddon took over their hotels and breweries, and on the share-and-share-alike principle, guaranteed them their individual proportion of profits out of the Commonwealth trade fund. " Indeed," added Mr Arthur Myers, " what can he fairer than the equal division of wealth and labour and responsibility? You are happier, your heart grows as large as a cabbage, and you are consumed by a devouring love for your neighbour."' " Delightful !" we said. " lint how does it work out? Don't some of the men want to spend their share of their wealth at once in liquor ?" " Well, that is one of the dangers of the system. But Mr Seddon has provided for it by triennial valuations of property and re-distributions of the wealth." " Most splendid ! Well, we will try whisky."' Arthur's face fell. "Whisky is no longer sold in the State hotels," lie said. "It is too strong. As a compromise with the Prohibitionists and Women's Christian Temperance Union, we only sell the State brew of hop ale, which is non-intoxi-cating, and which is manufactured in our own breweries." We smiled. "And the people what do they say ?" " What can they say? They must obey the law." "Who's that talking about obeying the law?'' I t\v<i.s J?i!ni«.l.\vlioli'-

sotiled Labour Inspector Ferguson, the champion of oppressed factory girls, wlio elbowed liis way into our group. " Still at the old business?" we asked, as we drew him aside. " es, begorra, and likely to stay in it, too." " Hut surely there is no necessity for factory inspectors under the new man-aml-brother every - 1 1 o d y - e(j v a 1 system '! " The Inspectors voice dropped t o a whisp er. " Sure and I wouldn't l>e saying it to anybody but yourselves. But where there was one inspector before there's fifty now, and we're fairly run or!" our feet. The trouble with some of the 'divvils' who believe in equality is that they won't work at all. They are ready enough to come for the equal pay, but there the equality ends. They not only don't believe in equal work, but they don't believe in work at all.' " Surely, the city must be very considerablychanged," we suggested to our guide, " if all the businesses are run under State control. What a pity it is night ; otherwise, we might lie aide to look around." In the twinkling of an ey<>. the scene was changed. We were in the centre of (,>ueeji-street, and all around us was the struggling hive of industry. The buildings were in some instances remodelled, the familiar signs over the shops had disappeared, but otherwise it was the old Queen-street. The first thing to arrest our attention was the fact that the street vans were being driven by former city magnates, who seemed to be quite contented with their lot, while the busiest people about the shops were their former owners. The morning paper was being called in the street by a familiar printing house Kaiser, the matutinal milk can and butter box were being trotted around by an erstwhile dairy produce exporter, and a State organ was merrily grinding out a tune under the skilful manipulation of a distinguished musician. We felt sorry to see so many men of exalted position, who had fairly earned an evening of leisure in their lives, being 'compelled to toil again at manual labour, hut

the little guide advised us not to waste our sympathy. " They don't want it," he said, " because they are all converts to Seddon's hew doctrine of Equality, and they' enjoy it. •* Why," he added, " look at Mr Make-a-Loan, at the corner hotel.* Do you think for one moment that he would change places with a prince ? Not he."

*' .Be cats and dogs !" The salutation was familiar. It was Michael Tubberty, the peripatetic news agent.- Here, at least, was something that wasn't changed. Michael had a little grievance, which he poured into our pri-

vate ear. He didn't object to the proprietors of the Herald selling the daily papers in competition with him, but he did object to them Jumping his stand. He was going to see Dick Seddoti about it, and, by the gable end of his conscience, if Dick didn't put the matter straight, he was going to have the grievance brought up in Parliament. " But," we suggested, " surely all men are equal ?" " That's it," he said ; ' ' we're equal, so I don't mind him having the stand one day. But he wants it every day." Strange that men should be selfish under such a sublime man-and-brotlier system !

Our conversation was interrupted rather rudely liy William (ieorge (Jarrard, the irrepressible pursuer of collarless dogs, lassoo-in hand. " Dunno anything about dorgs," «^id (leorge, in reply to our humorous enquiry. " I'm after men who ain't working, and I want to know why you ain't at work. Everybody has to work now." The guide explained that (Jeorge was a sultinspector in the Labour Department, and it was his duty to keep an eye on malingerers, and see that they did their fair share of work.

We said we were not working now — only looking iiroiind— but Ueorge insisted on taking our name and address. Also, he served us with a notice requiring iih to join the fishing star!" on the wharf :tt noon.

The insolence of it ! The ulna of requiring us to •jo lishing for tlie State, from the Queen-street wharf or any other wharf. We would complain to the papers — we would see the Editor of the Star. We found Mr Leys in his sanctum, but he didn't give us any sympathy. He thought the new system an admirable one — he had advocated it himself — and it would have been better for the country and the people if they had entered upon State socialism a quarter of a century sooner. "Look at me," he said. " To-day. lam editor, writing the leading

articles, ami to-morrow I shall be turning the machine or sorting " pi." while the printer's devil edits the paper. It's' a grand s y stem - - e«|ual work, equal saerifiie, equal pay."

Art h v r Wright was a man after our o w n heart, however. We met lii m when we cm c r <r e d from the Sftir oHice. Yes, he could agrett wi t h v s that the couu t r y was going to ihedog-t. 1 1 chad told them so at the mining d i s p v t c, and now he was certain of it. Tin? v. ov n t r y was raising no millionaires, and a country with o v t million-

a, ires was

like giur ridge with out milk. We suggested that the (Jovernment might mi [tort a few. They won't conic," lie said, "and, even if they did, we would make them work. Why, what do you think,'' he added, " We haven't even got any foreign bondholders. Dick Seddon has gone ami paid otVthe national debt." This was indeed terrible. The familiar .figure of Andrew Entrican, whom we once knew as a deacon of the egg and butter trade, naught our attention at the next corner. He was ineharge of a State egg stal I , and lugubriously 1:011 tided in Us to the extent th a t tli c (iovernmen t

w ere d e - stroying the oyg industry. Not only had they passed laws limiting the output of eggs, to the extreme annoyance of the hens of the country,

but the market price of eggs was also fixed' by Act of Parliament. "It is interfering with Nature," said Andrew, "and you can't go on»interfering with Nature without something serious happening. At oii3 time, we used to fix the price of eggs according to the supply. /Now, the Government fix the supply according to the price." Then we had a quiet word with Matthew Clark, ..•>■<*•.• «,*» \, o a i-nn«m „<■ ie gr e& i warehouseman in Sliortland-street, and who gave us a quiet wrinkle on the working of State socialism. There was no such thing as equality amongst men, he argued, either in the matter of muscle, brains, or application. Some men were stronger than others, some had brains while others had not, while sonic worked as a matter of course while others were born to idle. Was it fair to give the idler an equal share of profits with the honest worker? We thought it was nut. "Then that," he said, " is the weakness of State socialism." '• Hut you ought to go into Parliament and expound these views."' " There is no Parliament now. Mr Seddon has abolished it. The

people are the Parliament. Mr Seddon prepares all the new legislation, and, once a year, there is a general holiday while the people vote on the new bills '

"Oh, most Idessedcountry" we ejaculated, as we moved on. "Aha! And how are you, Rabbi?" It was so' long since we had seen our friend Goldstein and he was always so cheery. "But why this worried look ?" v I don't like the new order ot things,'" ho said. " Kver since we clergymen have been placed on a common State Church platform, and com pelled to relieve each other on weekly circuit . 1 have been upset. .Just fancy. Last night I was compelled to conduct the ope n air brass band service for th; 1 Helping Hand Mission, and tonight I have to preside at a Wesleyan love feast in Parnell. I'er-

bans you <1 like ,„ , , . . , , to come." 'f0.,,- ; ,h' hnreh, prrs.Jr „t a Wedidn'llike, W^-yanhnr feast. but it wduld have been rude to so. We promised to see the Ral>bi again. Another

work eighteen, and I g<-'t paid my equal share ul the profits, and I am happy." " \\xer do any country trips now?" we askod .John Leydon, whom we found contented ly smoking at his front door, but John smiled and shook his head.

parson — the Key. R. Ferguson. II c stopped short in hi* liasty stride, and exchanged salutations with us. Somehow, he didn't seem any better pleased with the equality of labour system, and exchange of wprk, than the Rabbi was. " It's knocked my 'Confession of Faith ' into a cocked

hat," he said ; "andisenough to make old John Knox

" This is my Millennium," lift said. ":md God bless Dick Seddon for it. I have always sighed for the time when I would have little to do, and fair" pay for doing it, and it's conic. What need to go hustling through the country now, sell ing whips and jewellery, when 1 can stay quietly at home and smoke my pipe ' under my own vine and tig-tree.' My motto is : ' The State will provide.'" Percy Dix, no longer the portly and proaperouslooking individual we had known, was sweeping the frout of the Gaiety entrance when we passed. He had a dismal tale to tell, oh ! It was no longer Dixs Gaiety. It was the State Gaiety — the Seddon Gaiety — and tnere was no longer any joy in a bumper bouse, because admission was free. People went" in and out as they pleased. As for the show, it was, like Percy himself, a shadow of its former self.. The song* were all in praise of Dick Seddon and his legislation, the farces were written to ridicule Dicks political opponents, and there were r couple of political speeches— by labour agitators — on every programme, by order of the King. " And

turn in his grave. It is my week at St. Patrick's," he added, "arid I've just been helping Father Patterson- through with early- mass. But it goes against the grain with one of the old Covenanting stock."

♦'.And how about the Presbyterians '{ " Oh, they are getting spiritual supply from the Salvation Army this week. You see, Dick Seddon insists on the different Churches exchanging pulpits, so that the people shall hear all Bides of the religious question, and one sect or creed will have no advantage over another." ' " Going, going, gone !" It was the familiar voice of -Tames Dacre, but, lo and behold, he was selling from the top of his street verandah. However, at some personal discomfort, we clambered v p beside him, and be told us that under the new law all ciuctioii sales required to be held in the open air, so as to ensure free competition, an (1 give every man an equal chance. " Yes," he ad mitted, there was a good deal of di s comfort abo ut it at times, especially when the wind blew an d the

rain descended, and tli i s was wlierp the law of Equality didn't work out fairly. He would rather he running a State strawberry and cream shop, in comfort, than conducting State auctions from the breezy top of a verandah.

Of course, we dropped in to see Jim Craig, and found him jovial and burly as ever, but free from that worried look he used to wear. Jim had just come in from his carting shift, an d showed us his muscle . which, he said, was as hard as nails. Oh. iiq, he didn't object to the new system a little bit. It liad relieved him from those condemned labour troubles, and with n<> labour legislation t<> bother him, he didn't mind confessing that lie was as jolly as a sandboy. "To tell you the truth, " he added, " 1 used to be a bit sweet on labour legislation, hut by-andbye, what with one law and another, I didn't know whether the business was owned by my men or by me, Now, I only work six hours, where T used to

lo n gc r any necessity to r loans, so it was run as a savings bank. " And li o w about all those |i iano s:" we asked. "What liave you done with them 7" •• Oli, th c Sta t o. took the in ove r. You see. Mr Suddon had a »-re at use for thciii. He has provided every iioiiie in New Zealand with a State piano, so that the people m i gli t all lie e<| ua 1 in thn matter ot this luxury."'

then, just think of it," said Percy, " in order that I may do my fair share of work, I have to go on the corner as bones and funny man every night, and I am not funny a bit." Evidently, State socialism was not crushing for twenty ounces to the ton in Percy Dixs case.

Then we encountered the amiahle Moses, of the High >treft Discount Bank. But his was also a State institution now, only there was no

" Hut all tlic people cannot play pianos ?" " They could not once, Wut Mr Seddon has c h an ge d all that. He lias appoi n t c d State in us i c teachers for every district, and piano-play-ing is compulsory, default in taking lessons being penal." "Twas the last .straw. Seizing our tiny guide by the arm, we hoarsely whispered : " Take us away from this— anywhere — Australia, South Africa, or Timbuctou. This is dreadful."

" You forget," he chimed in, musically ; "this is all a delusion. You have, by the aid of our gas, been seeing Auckland as it would be under State Socialism." Then we realised that it was all akin to a horrible nightmare, and were happy.