THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XVI, Issue 925, 3 October 1896, Page 7

THEY SAY

— That everyone is tired of Parliament. — That ' our defenders ' nowadays are mostly schoolboys. — That in New Zealand we have only one policeman to every 1,530 people. — That Probitionist Isitt had a very cold (and watery) reception in the King Country. — That Wellington is to have a new horror in the shape of a 'bagpipe band 1' — That Boardman, if he becomes Mayor, won't re-open Bellamy's for thirsty city fathers.

— That the only thing that keeps members away from their constituencies just now is the honorarium. — That some of the Auckland boys will be disconsolate when the Pollard's Opera damsels quit Auckland. — That the new councillors have shown their teeth very quickly. It isn't teeth but brains that is wanted. — That there are too many useless dogs about the city, a nuisance to horsemen and wheelmen alike. Where ip Garrard ?j — That the Mayor of Onehunga was under fire the other day for the first time. He got some sparrow-shot through I his Sunday gamp. — That Premier Seddon is gradually collapsing. He is a terror for work. Seddon has made no money out of politics, but few honest men ever do.

— That ' Bobby ' Farrell is going to join the volunteers again. — That the police should learn the use of the lassoo foi the scorchers on the bike. — That the drink ' demon ' claimed another drowned sailor thi& week. Saturday night epree again ! — That the Auckland cyclists are up in arms because they are placed on the same level as dogs and handcarts. — That there is every prospect of more than sufficient funds being raised here for the forthcoming Rifle Championship Meeting at Devonport. — That the ' financial agents ' are not playing Bpeaka with the Government any more since the Usury Prevention Bill came on the carpet. — That Mayor Holland woke up with the nightmare the other night. He dreamed that he was being driven to death in one of his own electric trams. I — That the Permanent Force and Torpedo Corps don't at all like the Commandant's idea of -amalgamating the duties | and uniforming the two. | — That Captain Fairchild will have a bigger stock of original novelettes than ever now he is. back from Europe in the Government cruiser- Tutanekai.

— That the Welcome Find stolen specimens have been ' specially secured ' for the purpose of floating a Westralian good thing. —That no bridal couple should at once venture from land. Stay on terra lirma for at least a week. Yon will not regret it. Go to Howick or Rotorna. — That vessels lying at the Auckland wharves are now very careful to put out gangway nettiDgs since the Harbour Master and the Observes got on their trail. — That the bride who would be rich should slip a gold coin into each shoe or slipper just before she enters the church. Auckland brides ought to be able to afford it now. — That a couple on a tandem bicycle aptly illustrate married life in this century end. The woman sits up in front and steers, and the poor man takes a back seat and does all the pushing.

— That Wilfred Rathbone leaves Europe for Auckland again this month. — That Tennyson has supplied the favourite line for new cyclists : — ' I slip, I slide,! gloom, I glance.' —That the Northern S.S. Co. paid £5,000 for the latest acquisition to their fleet, the little Bankß Peninsula. — That one o! the Devonport new councillors baa worked a nice little thing over a road. Not for himself — oh, no 1 — That the St. Andrew people felt greatly disappointed when the Colonial Secretary refused a license to raffle their ' bell. 1 — That the Government con' em plate enlarging the Pukekohe Police Court so as to allow the whole of the local J.P.s to sit at once. — That handicapping horses gives a man an enormous appetite. Anyhow, we wouldn't like to call Joe Evitt a glutton, but he likes a lot. That John Washington Irving Abbott will be writing down usurers in his usual flowing style before long. Has he made enough stuff ?' — That Abraham Bowden is making things hum in the cab line. Fancy blood horses and doctors' broughams on the stand. ' Sydney style.' — That the existing Water Police arrangement is not at aff satisfactory, and that the old system of a sergeant and two men on duty specially as water police was far better. — That one of our leading solicitors, who is a great sport, potted close on a ' century ' at the last Spring racing meeting. They say the white top hat's the Mascot. — That Adam Cairns is going to wear a little flag of his own on the Trafalgar Anniversary. Naval League be Slowed ! They're slow ; ' not a gun will be heard.' —That it suddenly struck John Kirkwood that it would not be a bad line to wear a black bell topper. But he changed his mind. It would break his heart to part with old friendß. — That if all our budding pianoforte players were . to follow De Kontski's example and pile blankets over their pianos it would be a good thing for their hearers, and a boom and a blessing to men. — That Mayor Holland was taking it upon himself to give away by casting vote to the boodling syndicate, 'in which he has no interest,' Auckland streets for forty year 9, but Bob Farrell stepped into the breach and saved us for a time. — That ' Boss Larkin ' has proved that co-operative labour is a great benefit to the country settlers in more ways than one, as well as a saving to the colony. But are they all like ' the man with a wart on his nose ' from Hikurangi ? — That the Stipendiary Magistrate let a ' drunk ' off at the Police Conrt this week on, the latter's plea that he had two dogs tied up at Riverhead, and had no one to give them any food ! — That two young members of the ' devil's own ' had a row the other day over some legal business,- aud very nearly had a ' scrapping ' match. ' When (missing word) fall out honest men come by their own.' — That a popular and brawny member of the Wesleyan ministry in Auckland was once a blacksmith, and pounded horse shoes under the spreading chestnut tree before he took to pounding the pulpit — That one of the chosen Chinese missionaries who lately left for the Flowery Land, threw up his country donah for a town bred lady missionary. Excuse : ' She was not chosen of the Lord.' Fact! — That a certain deep-sea sailing vessel in harbour is ÜBing as a gangway safety-netting an aged rope-nettiDg which formerly belonged to some other ship, and was fished up out of the mud while dragging for the body of a sailor who was drowned, because of the want of one. — That amongst the applicants for relief at the meeting of the Wellington Benevolent Trustees recently was a widow who stated that she and her eldest daughter were so poor that they had only one dress between them, and that when one went out to look for work, the other was compelled to stay at home. —That if the electric trams are introduced into Auckland Queen-street will look like a forest of clothes lines. Electric line posts 10 feet apart, with arms going into tire- -middle of the street, carrying death dealing wires. How lovely ! Oh, blessed City Fathers.