Political Paroxysms.

Observer, Volume XVI, Issue 924, 26 September 1896, Page 10

Political Paroxysms.

Special to the Observer,

Seddon declares that a . military land , grant of 400 acres is equal to £900 a year. • What are the land grants in the Waikato, worth to day ? Someone has been pulling' Dick'B leg. Captain Graham Jackson Barry is in Wellington raking in the shekels for a twovolume work he is about to publish on ' Men of the Time in New Zealand.' Pirani has astonished all his friends by coming out in a white waistcoat, probably a reminiscence of the recent high jinks at . Palmeraton North. E. M. Smith, who had previously established a kind of prescriptive right to wear the only white waistcoat among the Left Wing, ought to resent this interference with his privileges. •There ain't any espr it-de-corpse,' remarked a member of the Government the other day in conversation with the French . Consel, whom, by-the-bye be designated the ' counsul.' ' What's the use of asking a young man to became a "clicker," ' queried Hutchison pere in the discussion on the Masters and Apprentices Bill ; ' they are all bound to be "clickers."' Of course, the old man waß referring to clicking glasses Marsden Thompson spread himself out the other night on Auckland. He said no other city in the colony had got less assistance from the Government than the Queen City of the .North, and yet none was bo prosperous. They were so prosperous, he declared, that they had not even time to inquire what was transpiring in Parliament. Oh, this is too much ! there is Riccarton Russell in a white vest, cheek by jowl with E. M. Smith, and immediately behind Pirani. Why, all the Left Wing will soon look like blooming lilies. Seddon says he means to have his memory banded down to future generations as ' Richard the Reformer.' ' I have been told that in an address from the throne you did not give what you ought to give, but you give as little as you possibly can.' Seddon in reply to Hawke's Bay Russell. In the Honse on Tuesday last the Premier, in moving the second reading of the Public Revenues Bill, lecalled some humorous reminiscences of twenty years ago, when a person named Gordon went on the warpath branding every conceivable thing that by any stretch of the imagination could be regarded as Government property. It is related of this zealous and energetic official that he insisted on stamping the broad arrow on certain utensils in the Governor's bedroom, and that he would even have dared to brand the laced gubernatorial person itself if the aide-de-camp had not come to the rescue. Gresley Lukin, editor of the Post, has been down for a fortnight with influenza, but on Monday had sufficiently recovered to resume the editorial chair. Collins summary of the Masters and Apprentices Bill : — • The sting of the Bill is in its tail.' It is not the only Bill that has been ruined by its tail. Mclntosh spoke for the first time on Friday night since he went away to recover from an overdose of cold water. In the discussion on the Masters and Apprentices Act, Bell read a long rigmarole which purported to be a form of indenture in force a ceuiury or two ago, and under it an apprentice was practically the property of the master, body and soul. He denounced the Bill as a delusion.a transparent sham, and a jugglery. These be hard words, my masters, but the mere tintinabulation of the Bill hurts no one. Extracts from Richard's proverbial philosophy, in the discussion on the Old Age Pensions Bill : ' A man cannot save much if he does his duty to his wife and rearß a family. The member for Wairarapa laughs, but of course it will not fall to his lot. An hon. member : ' How do you know?' One of the things which no fellah can understand is the extraordinary attraction Parliamentary debates on the moßt com-mon-place subjects possess for the people of Wellington. Now that ' Trilby ' has been taken off the boards, and there is a dearth of entertainment, the proceedings of the Honse form a cheap kind of entertainment. On Friday night all the pnblic galleries were crowded, and I noticed many standing in the Ladies' Gallery. The prevailing colours of the ladieß* dresseßwere yellow, dark green, and scarlet.

' This is only the gospel according to the Premier.'— G. J. Smith. On Thursday morning, while the discusBion in Committee on the Old Age Pensions Bill was dragging its slow length along, Oreen was driving pigs to market on his roost near the door of the ' Noes ' lobby. ' Why don't yon address the chair ?' said Bell, and then Green woke up and looked quite guilt-stricken. Hogg put on his war-paint and seized his tomahawk when he went for Earnahaw, whom he denounced as ' a renegade from his party.' 1 Industrial soldiers ' is the term applied by the Premier to the working classes. McGuire moved that the word ' persons ' in the Old Age Pensions Bill should include women. Clutha McKenzie suggested that ' persons ' should not embrace women. The legislation of the country goes bravely on with such intellectual recreation as these. When Jove thunders, mortals hide their diminished heads. Thus, in the discussion on the Masters and Apprentices Bill, Button rose in his place in the House with the solemnity of a political heavy father, and fulminated the following thunderbolt: ' The only thing I have got to say about this Bill is " Quam Dens vult perdere prius dementat.' ' ' ( Whom God wishes to destroy he first makes mad). And then he flopped down into his seat with the proud consciousness that no Bill on earth could survive such a combination of wisdom and brevity. The House strains at a gnat and swallows a camel. (Jlutha Mackenzie said McLachlan had not the courage to vote again&t a certain measure. The Premier moved that the worda be taken down, but no one seemad to remember exactly what be bad said. Ultimately MeKenzie, with rather bad grace, withdrew the words. McLachlan, who was evidently under the influence of strong water : 'To say I had not the courage is a libel upon me. I won't allow the hoa. member to challenge my courage.' The ' noses ' had it, just before a division, wheu Duthie handed round his snuff box, and the sound of the sneezing went reverbera»ing along the lobbies. IJii .. ■;s It is quite a popular error to imagine that members of the Honae do not devote their splendid intellectual powers to great principles. Why, Clutha McKenzie, the other night, gravely charged Kiccarton Russell with the awful crime of having voted for a duty on raspberries and rice. Prodigious ! Fancy Hawke's Bay Russell declaring that the persons who objected to the Public Works Loans were the large landowners, and that the loans had been raised merely to gain the favour of the masses ! Hawke's Bay Russell's summary of the Premier's speech in moving the second reading of the Old Age Pensions Bill : ' Fifty minutes to explain the Bill, fifty minutes of buncombe and twaddle, a purely electioneering Bill. Humbug and jobbery dominating the House and dominating the Bill.' And no one moved that the words be taken down. McLachlan, who was slightly inebriated with the exuberance of — well, not of his own verbosity, frequently interrupted Earnehaw. The latter, with withering scorn, remarked : 'I wish the hon. gentlemen would go out and take a walk.' But a minute afterwards Ashbnrton again put in his oar, and was squelched with the following rebuke by the Dunedin labour member : — ' If the hon gentleman would remove hini3elf to the lobby he would probably be more in order.' And then Ashbarton bowed hie head on his breast and slept the Bleep of the just. And yet they say this is a Prohibition Parliament- ' It's very good, your Lordship,' was the criticism of Lord Salisbury's tenant farmer on the Marquis's wine, ' but we don't seem to gel no forarder.' I was reminded of this little anecdote during the fruitless discussion in Committee on the Old Age Pensions Bill on Wednesday. Within a few hours, there were 13 amendments on one clause, and continual divisions. The Opposition, reinforced by the Left Wing and a few recreant Liberals, applied itself with some success to beßr-ba,iting the Premier, who at one stage threatened to drop the Bill, but relented. The Observer man rose to remark that by the time the Bill got through Committee, all the members would have lived long enough to be entitled to the old age pension. If senility without age were a qualification for a pension, there are a good many members who deserve — well, goodness knows what they deserve.