POLITICAL Paroxysms.

Observer, Volume XVI, Issue 921, 5 September 1896, Page 6

POLITICAL Paroxysms.

Special to the Observer.

Tee late Major Atkinson once remarked, ' Give us' a loan and let us "alone,' amidst roars of laughter at the unpremeditated pun. But John McKenzie gave us a new version on Thursday night, thusly : • Public works cannot be constructed out of revenue alone without a loan.' But the House contained too- many Scotchmen to twig the joke. ' Stout,' called Mr's'eddon. ' Sir Robert, nlease,' said one of the irrepressibles, and the Premier made the necessary amendment. - -But* when will • Stout ' be able to return the compliment ? There used to be a term, 'Trust the people," but it is now ' Trust the Ministry.* And what for us, since the people so far have said nothing to the contrary ? En, Montgomery ? Tanner: ' You may juggle with figures as much as you like, but the bulk of the taxation is paid by the workers." There's nothing like leather. The Government borrowing policy is a policy of reckless plunging. It is a story of ' The Rake's Progress.' But the people know a hawk from a hernshaw. To tax beer would be a far better policy than to tax the light by which the working classes read the evening newspapers 'Lighten our darknesß.' Right, Mr Earnshaw; but what abont robbing the poor man of his beer? Buller -believed that -if the Government were to try for five millions they would please the electors better than by the present Bill. But this would be rather a large order, and a little too Vogelian for the present generation. ' A maelstrom of borrowing.'— Pirani. 'Is it " high-pocrisee" or "hypocrisy "on the part of those who object to loans?" asked the Minister of Lands. The McKenzie of Lands thought some Opposition members who objected to ' rods ' (he meant roads, of course) would not object to his going upstairs to grant them a road or a bridge. Would a duck swim ? A resolution was passed that the Premier, the Minister of Lands, and the chairman of directors Bhould control the policy of the New Zealand Times. So says Palmerston Pirani. Mr Lawry thinks the Left Wing are not quite aware of the extent to which their legs are being pulled by the Opposition. Mr Lawry can say caustic things, but he isn't infallible on Tennyson, and though it may be strictly Parliamentary, it is not quite the thine in a public street to call a man a liar under the thin veil of a poetical quotation, also it might be somewhat risky. Sir Robert Stout charged Mr Hall with having no mind of his own, and Hall retorted with a veiled allusion to a private domestic calamity in Sir Robert's family, which proved that Waipawahad no mind of his own worth speaking of. Wi Pere was very funny on the loan question. He thought the Government should borrow another half million and present it to him, and he hoped the House would have two eyeß. one for the Maori people, and t'other for Europeans. G. J. Smith's memory of what he told Frank Lawry about that railway gatekeeper was, in Mr Lawry's opinion, « treacherous.' Oh, Christchurch ! When the Houbg resumed at 11 o'clock on Thursday night, Mr Lang, who is opposed to borrowing, a-t least in theory, rose to his feet and proceeded to ask for ' several little things he wanted ' in the way of expenditure for Waipa. Among these may be related an hospital at Rotorua. something for hot springs near Ngaruawahia, a road to Waitomo caves, complete connection between Auckland and New Plymouth, sheep yards at Mercer, fencing of road running parallel with the railway between Auckland and Mercer, etc., etc., which would require o George Robins to enumerate. All the papers missed the real point in Stewart's voting against the motion for reporting progress on the breach of privilege question. If the motion were carried, the Speaker would have been called upon to queßtion his own ruling, and he must have said that this could only be done by notice of motion, and then if such notice were given, no more would have been heard of it, and the whole thing wonld be a wretched farce, as many other Parliamentary debates usually are.

• A hon. member: 'I can't hear!' Another, on the opposite, ' Take the wax out of your ears.' We get a few of these colloquial exchanges, because there is a large element of farmers and lawyers in the House. Palmerston's great forte is in making all manner of fishing assertions, which are sure to be denied, and ro-asserting them in, if possible, a more offensive form. ' As a newspaper man myself, I know how much reliance is to be placed in the opinions of a paper.' So says Mr Pirani. But then Pirani can only speak of his own paper. 1 The natural forests of the colony were burned down in order to advertise it.' Thus Hee Hem. But how do the insurance companies like it ? There is a pretty general idea that the continual squabbling in the House over trivial matters will have a tendency to weaken the Liberal party. But don't you believe it. It was not very clear in the discussion over the alleged syndicate whether it was to steal the Taranaki ironsand or to steel it. 'Of course, that would influence the Ministry,' was the Premier's comment on G. J. Smith's solemn declaration that he only mildly suggested that the railway gate keeper should sign the pledge. The Premier: ' I did not supply information to the Press, but the paperß get information wherever they can get it.' Bally for the Press. G. J. Smith declares by all the prophets of Isis — I mean Isitt — that he never, or hardly ever, asked any dismissed railway gatekeeper to take the pledge on condition of his inducing the Government to reinstate the aforesaid gate keeper, who might or might not afterwards vote for G. J. Smith or any other man. What a fine advertisement for the Wellington newspapers was that discussion in the House on Wednesday. Did the editors plan it ? But the Premier was very severe on the ' lying and slandering statements in the newspapers,' and thought the House ought to resent 'the prostitution of the powers of the press ' Of course, he didn't include the Observer. Pirani had been asserting that the Premier controlled the opinions of the Neio Zealand Times. But at another stage, he said it was almost entirely in the hands of the liquor party. Fancy the Premier being almost wholly the liquoring party I Parnell thought some of the most beastly and radical articles in the colony are published in the paper in which G. J. Smith is | interested (The Prohibitionist). G. J. Smith : ' Hon. members on this side cannot stand by yon in that.' Lawry : ' No, they don't stand by me because 1 stand by truth.' One for his mob ! Here are a few cho'ce phrases which Patea hurled at the Ministry the other day : — ' Boasting of their own dishonour,' ' Glorying in their shame,' ' Proposing a loan of two millions in the interests of speculators, 1 ' Hon. members sitting behind the Premier in more senses than one,' 4 Wanting roads and bridges, or he might say loaves and fishes,' ' Bosses and their bullies running the elections.' their policy ' all bunkum,' and so on ad lib. No wonder Hogg compared Patea to a bad actor, and in his broad ' Doric ' condemned the whole thing as ' aboomanabnll.' At 11 30 p m. on Thursday night, Hee Hem, resplendent in his pearlesslj white waistcoat and West End coat, strolled with a debonaire air over to the vacant Govern j ment benches, and forthwith constituted I himself a whole team of Ministers with a little dog under the waggon. It is to be presumed Ironsand had failed to notice that the Premier was at the same time on the Opposition benches engaged in conversation with Captain Russell and Mr Button. On the other hand, if the fact did not escape the all observant eye of Ironsand, he thought peradventure that there was a resignation of the Ministry, and he might as well appoint himself to the varions vacancies without unnecessary formality. Next Hee Hem wanted to hold a Cabinet meeting with Mr Hall, and appoint Mr Carnell to the other vacancy. The latter, however, objected with a glare in his eyes that would have scared a spider, I mean a tiger, and wanted Ironsand's photograph ; and Hee Hem resenting this ingratitude, made in high dudgeon for the aye lobby, with a view to drowning his Borrows in the flowing bowl — narrowly missing a violent collision with the Hon. Mr Carroll, who had come fr»m the Maori Conference just in the nick of time' to save the honour of the Government. Ironsand retired, remonstated with His Excellency the Governor, and Mr Pirani rose for the purpose of advising the Ministry or what was left of it But he collapsed when the Premier's burly form was descried approaching the Ministerial benches, and the incident closed. AUTOMATHES.