THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XV, Issue 796, 31 March 1894, Page 5

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

A Quill for Everyone.

' Nelly Bly ' writes combatting our kostile attitude towards women in public positions. Nelly is wrong. We are not hostile to women in public positions so long as they are good and suitable women.

The Slur is complaining about the heavy outlay on the new prison at Mount Eden. But whisht! Who knows that it may not be the residence of Borne of our most esteemed citizens sooner or later. Why should we grudge a few pounds now in making the place safe and comfortable for them.

At City Hall concert on Q-ood Friday evening a bouquet intended to be thrown at the feet of Miss Reeve landed on the head of Mr Gee, who, having arranged his hair and recovered from his surprise, placed it in the hands of the popular lady vocalist. The presumably male instrument who struck '6 ' appears not to have been up to concert pitch.

Her Ladyship of Onehunga was called upon to sentence a masculine drunk the other day. The poor wretch shivered. But Her Ladyship only fascinated him with that peculiarly bewitching smile of hers, showing her pearly >t«eth to advantage, and dismissed him with a caution. If the offender had been a woman, now. Ah!

They tolerate singular reversals of form on the racing tracks in Auckland. Three weeks ago, the trotting mare Schoolgirl was nowhere amongst a very poor orowd, but last Saturday she showed such astounding improvement that she left all the other competitors, and some good ones at that, pretty well standing still. And no one had a word to say about it.

There hag been a little elopement in Auckland lately which has stirred local ' society ' to its depths. The lady in the case found a new lover and fled with him, but it is interesting to observe that she was not married to the ' husband ' whom she left. He followed her in the hope of inducing her to return to his domestic hearth, but 'twas all in vain. The lady has consoled herself with her new lover.

Lillian Adair, the female aeronaut, is singularly unfortunate in her attempts to sail skywards. That balloon always collapses ! At Hamilton the other day Lillian 'offered up a short prayer to a merciful Providence for her escape, and in which she invited those present to join. Query : Did the deadheads, outside the enclosure, join too? and did the hat go round when Lillian was through ?

Foresters' sports at Onehunga on Eaater Monday a huge success. ' Court Pride of Onehunga' came out in all its glory. Fully 1000 people were present. The officera were all up to their work and not a hitch occurred to mar the fun. The races were all well contested. A hall took place in the evening at the Public Hall. About 70 couples were present, Bro. A. Hughes making an efficient M.C. The catering (in the hands of the Committee) was A 1. Many striking dresses were worn. Mrs W. J. Bray was the belle. The secretary to the ball Committee, Bro., Fred Walker, is entitled to a word of praise for his exertions. The general verdict was : ' the jolliest ball that has taken place for a long time.'

The Herald reprinted a story from a Napier paper the other day which runs the famonß shark-dog yarn close for first place. The par. relates how a little dog was drowning when a big dog looking on, plunged in (without being bidden) to the rescue and brought the small canine safe to land. But that's nothing. We knew a dog once which was owned by an Auokand dressmaker. The dog having offended its mistress in some way she beat it. The animal sulked all the morning. Now it bo happened that its mistress was going to a dance and was making a dress which was to eclipse all the other dresses at the ball. She was naturally anxious to keep the pattern * dark.' The intelligent dog knew this. Beaten, as he considered, without sufficient cause, he panted for revenge, and when his mistress dropped a fragment of the dress stuff she was making up the dog seized it in his mouth and ran off with it to the rival dressmaker orer the road and gave her the pattern — aad his mistress dead away !

Libel actions have been coming too rapidly on Wellington Fair Play. It has got tired. The effort to give fair play once a week is too great. Consequently, Fair Play will appear for the future once a month.

The flag was half - mast several days ago at Edwin Harrow's ' Buona Vista ' mansion at Lake Takapuna. Fearful that Edwin had departed for sunnier climes, the neighbours sent round kind enquiries and messages of sympathy. Imagine their feelings when they were told that there had been an increase in the family of pet Cape snails during the night.

The trotting horse Albert Victor, whioh was so much admired at Potter's last Saturday, cost Mr Budge very little less than .£IOOO to land in Auckland. But, as handicaps go, it is just as well to have a horse that costs £20 as one worth .£BOO. For instance, Sandfiy, which won the .£4OO cup prize last year, was bought for 30s.

Extract from the proceedings of the Onehunga Borough Connoil. The Female Mayor : '1 am the person to dictate.' Mr Tapp : ' Oh, no you're not.' The Female Mayor: 'Don't answer me back.' It is only in the nature of things for a woman to want to have the last word, but what sort of men are the borough councillors of Onehunga, anyhow ?

The offence of appropriating a client's money, tor which EL H. Lusk has been strnck off the New South Wales barristers' rolls, is not the worßt of which lawyers are sometimes guilty. We once knew a lawyer in Auckland who ordered a handsome carriage from a local firm and then sold the carriage and pocketed the money, but never paid the builders a penny for it. ' Tou can sue me for it,' he said, ' but I have no property or effects.'

There are some verra careful bodies in Auckland, ye ken. The other day when some carpenters went to do certain repairs at a big Epsom house, they were met at the door by a servant, who handed each of them a pair of woolen sooks to pull over their boots, for fear they should dust the precious carpets. The carpenters who had heard of the economical ways of the people of the house, had their revenge when they got to work. They turned the beet bedroom into a regular carpenter's shop. Withiits floor littered with shavings, and its oontents disarranged, it looked as if an earthquake had struck it.

In answer to an appeal made by Mr George Leitch to the N.Z. Government for some recognition of the late Quentin Maokinnon, the explorer's, services to New Zealand in the shape of a grant to his widow and son, whom Mr Leith discovered in indigent circumstances in Melbourne, the New Zealand Government have promptly responded. They offered Mrs Mackinnon either the position of Government typist or a grant of money. Mrs Mackinnon gratefully accepted the former offer. The Hon. J. G. Ward, the P.M.G., was a warm advocate in Mrs Maokinnon's behalf, giving Mr Leitch every assistance in his efforts with the Government which have resulted in such a satisfactory issue.

A prominent Wesley an minister preaching for a Congregational brother in Auckland recently took occasion to lash himself into a fury and denounce all who were opposed to the reading of the Bible in schools, well knowing that his beloved brother in the Lord, whose pnlpit he occupied was among the erring number. Next time he occupies this particular pulpit he may possibly ' find it meet ' to draw a parallel between the tenets of the Weslayans and the Congregationalista, and hnmbly strive to show — always humbly mark — that the Wesleyans have a prior claim to be regarded as the salt of the earth. There is nothing like making use of an opportunity. It is certainly a little mean, but fancy what good may come of it. Strive, brother, strive, and you may yet find an entrance into a Roman Catholic Church and then be able to denounce the Pope.

Queen-street wharf on a public holiday ia worth a visit. Go early and see the people off a-picnicking. The smallest men invariably appear to own the tallest wives and the largest families. The arrival of a family party late and fearful of losing their boat, pater, wild-eyed and anxious as he leads a cherub by each hand, mater with one baby in her arms and three or four more hanging on to her skirts, while the eldest girl quarrels with the eldest boy for the possession of the lunch basket, a huge contrivance of wicker large enough to hold the family washing, is an interesting scene to gaze upon. Then there is the festive youth in the boating flannels and ' blazer ' who is off with his best girl (all smiles and white muslin) for some secluded spot where the old, old story can be told again without fear of interruption. Lastly there is the grumpy old bachelor who smokes his pipe ap he watches the busy scene and moralises, as he notes the various steamers packed with flushed and excited picnickers, who have hardly room to breathe : ' And this is pleasure !'

After next general election, it is confidently predicted, says the Bulletin, that the neck ot Maoriland will be firmly under the six-and-elevenpenny prunella of the wheezy female with the 40-injh waist. This is at all events the opinion of some of the far-seeing champions of the liquor interest.

Why need we wonder at the waning public interest m horse races when swindles of the most barefaced character are connived at and justified by prominent citizens who fleece their fellows with less compunction than a common ' spieler ' is expected to show. The turf has more to fear from the geDtlemen who control it than from the whole of the other evil influences associated with it.

A popular resident of the Shore was tho victim of an awkward mistake the other day. He had drawn a horse in one of the bif? sweepß on the other side, and receiving- a telegram that his horse had won he assembled his friends together and indulged them in a champagne supper at considerable expense. Subsequently, it transpired that his telegram wag in error. His horse did not win. Charles is not himself again just yet.

It will be remembered that a fine turtle was picked np on Regatta Day as it went floating down harbour. The sailors aboard the flagship (Taviuni) cap tut ed the prize, and many were the ingenious theories advanoed to account for the presence of a real live turtle where never turtle was found before. And now the presence of the milk in the cocoanut is explained. The turtle was thrown overboard from the Clansman two days before, the steward supposing it to be dead. The sea-water and liberty evidently revived the turtle (possibly ifc 'put up' the whole thing?) and it was soon as right as right could be. It's speli of freedom was but short. Captured by the Taviuni men as it was taking an after-lunch nap, it was quickly converted into soap.

An Aucklander who strolled into the private bar of a Queen-street hostelry the other evening with a friend thought he would have a little fun at the expense of the presiding goddess, with whom he was unacquainted. So he proposed to his friend that he should introduce him to the yoang lady as a new chum arrival by the Dorio. The introduction took place and th« ' new chum ' proceeded to make many innocent inquiries in quite the new chum style about 4 the Maoris,' eto., sipping his 'colonial' with an air of mild surprise, as of one who was experimenting with an unknown liquor. ' This is pretty fair beah,' he said, addressing the barmaid, ' but— aw — hardly so good as our London bittah.' 'Itis a long time since you tasted London bitter, Mr ,' said Hebe, mentioning his name. And Bhe burst into a peal of silvery laughter. She knew him, although he didn't know her. Tableaux.

The Invincible excursion to Pine Island on Good Friday was marked by one funny incident — funny to everybody but the two persons chiefly concerned. After the departure of the steamer, homeward bound, shrieks from the shore attraoted the attention of those aboard. Glancing toward the island the forms of two young people were seen flying towards the landing place. These proved to be a young Aucklander and hia best girl who had been lulled to forgetfulness by love's young dream and had let the boat go without them. Their frantic shouts and the frenzied waving of their pocket-handkerchiefs at length had the desired effect. The steamer stopped, a boat was lowered and the lovers more dead than alive (the young lady was in a state of complete collapse) were handed aboard. Once on deck they took refuge behind the shelter of their friendly gamp, while all the girls tittered and discussed them eotto voce. It was an embarrassing experiance. They must have been glad to get to town.

A little picnic party, consisting of five young ladies, and four cavaliers, visited Brick Bay on Good Friday. The happy hours fled so fast, that the party dismayed when they went to embark for home, to find their boat lying high and dry on the mud. The tide was out. The most athletic of the party soon got the boat into deep water. Then came the tug-of-war. The remaining eight had to be got aboard — including the five ladies. The athletic gentleman carried them, one by one, on his broad back, to the boat. The last was a high-collared dude with a iovely thing in straw hats, a lisp, and an eye-glass, silk sash, and immaculate white unmentionables. The athlete swung him on to his back like a truss of straw — the dude was very nervous, but kept his eye-glass * in his ocular ' all the time. Just about half way to the boat the carrier stumbled, and alas ! for the dude, he went splash into the slimy black mud, and oh, what a sight he presented when he arose ! The peals of laughter from the ladies in the boat, mingled with the gruff haw-haws of the gentlemen. The dude declares that Mr ' pitched him off intentionally, you know, and, bai jove, you know, it was quite too infernally bad you know.'