FUNNY DAWC!

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 525, 12 January 1889, Page 12

FUNNY DA WC !

An Alexandra correspondent writes : The following may amuse some of your readers it you think it worth inserting. It was found on Christmas morning, affixed to the Alexandra post-office notice-beard, and has since been a source of anxious thought to the people around : — NOTICE. An assembly of the Alexandra Arciiispasmodical Conference will be hold in the Public Kail on tho 29th February, 1381), the Archbishop 01 Waipu in the chair. The following 1 members will be present :— ilia Victoria Guelph, J.L. Sullivan, His Reverence the Pope of Rome, Dick Turpin, W. G. Garrard Esq., Julias Creser (with the customary ghost), Grand Lima of Thibet. Mr Fitzgerald, ConfnoiGS. the Wandering Jew, Dounely and Bacon, Gladstone, Captain Daley (a local celebrity), Sir J. Yogel, Emperor of Morocco, 'J. B. Hannai'ord, Esci. Mephistophelcs, J. Aitken Council, TTiug 1 Tawhiao/Mrs Aldis, Balaam's Ass. 0. H. Upton, Esq. Bismarck, W? Barnum, Mrs Gordon Eaillie, Mark Twain. Tho following are unable to attend. —Nebuchadnezzar (who ha? gone to grass) Albert j Edward, Esq. (whose ma is adverse to Ida coming) ; Dr. Laishley L.L.D. (who is engaged in annotating 1 a letter to the Herald) ; Brigham Young (who does not wish to mar his conjugal felicity) ; Shakespero, (who cannot bear the presence of Doimely). Mrs Langtry, Patti, and others have kindly consented to assist the Alexandra Brass Band in enlivening the company. j The important social questions to be discussed are hereunder appended : — 1. Is marriage a failure ? 2. Why one-half of the immense population of Alexandra is dead nuts against the other halt ? 3. Why geese walk in single file ? 4. Who is the Observer man? 5. Could Homer dance the Highland aohottische ? 6. Where is our aristocracy gone ? 7. What is a bustle ? Are bustles c la mode in the moon, and if so, do the men or women wear them? . 8. Could f hakespere stand on his head . J i). Who is the prettiest girl in Alexandra r 10. Whether it would be advisable to pub the cow-catcher in the rear of the Waikato train in order to prevent the cows from running over it ? 11. Is the missing link obtainable in Alexandra? 12. How many ton 5 ? of grease would be required to lubricate 10000 yavds o£ lightning so than the velocity of the latter might equal teat of a woman's tongue 8 inches long ? 13. Was Potafcau subject to bilious attacks "r 14. Whether the sun rises in the cast or hie ! west ? and it any honourable member has ever been up early enough to see ? 15. Whether the rabbits or the rabbit-in-spectors are the greater nuisance ? 16. Whether Nero ever tried Lanes' beer ; and if so, how did he like it ? 17. What were the exact dimensions of tho wart on Oliver Cromwell's nose ? IS. Whether the Alexandra Dramatic Club i should star the universe P 19. Whether 2 and 2 make 4 ? 20. Who was the uncle of the Major General's nieces

21. Did Alexander the Groat wear Dalton's extra pair ? ,■,■,-,• 22. Whether an ordinary mortal would survive a thorough investigation into the Eailway affairs of N. Z. , . . , ... 23. Whether puns are harmful to society r 1 24 How many ounces of new chum are consumed daily on an average by a N.Z. mosquito ? 23. What quantity of plum dad would be required to embiliate a boy of ordinary stomacliioal capacity 'i Sio-necl) Baron- Mitxchaitsen, ° Secretary.