A MISADVENTURE IN MELBOURNE.

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 524, 5 January 1889, Page 12

A MISADVENTURE IN MELBOURNE.

By Martin Cobbett. W XT vie preface this veracious history of a | misadventure in Melbourne with a word /jL/# about the fair city of Victoria. In 1835, when Batman and Fawkner, rival colonies, were lately established, the township, by the banks of the Yarra Yavra, boasted for principal buildings two weather-boarded huts, with brick chimneys, and was known as ' The Settlement.' Later it was called Beargrass, and was to have been ve- christened Glenelg, after a Colonial Minister. From 18S8 it grew fast, and within six months the price of land in the city's reserved limit 3 sold at the first public auction had risen from <£35 to £52 per acre of freehold As a centre of an agricultural district and port for shipping native produce and importing supplies from Europe, it increased steadily till the gold rush came. Thereafter the colony jumped into o-reat fignres, and has never looked back. Lately some of the £35 land has been sold at fabulous rates One lot of 66ft.. frontage in Collins-street East, fetched between £800 and £900 per foot, and as money will buy anything, and Australians spend it like men on education, beautifying their cities, &c. , and are very keen to take a high place among the colonies, you can guess what the Melbourne of 350,000 inhabitants and its ways are now. My story is dated aboiit half way in its rapid rise, or within the last thirty years. Melbourne's finest street is Collins, next comes BourJse-street. The former for shopping bears about the same relation to Tsourke as Lower Begent-fctreet to Newington Butts, and in the diggers' days, Buckley and JNunn's, was the popular silk-mercer's and linen-draper's and now it is a sort cf Whiteley's and quite as extensive. In the " fifties," when new arrivals were glad to get shelter in " Canvas Town," on the Yarra's banks, and everybody expected to make a fortune in about ten minutes, and lucky diggers " on the burst," troubled for means of " knocking down their money gauged the quality of finery by its costliness ; but at that time, and always during the alluvial gold washing era, prizes were tew, blanks many, w the lottery of treasure hunting. Some diggers, absolutely worried with wealth, squandered it in every conceivable idiotic way, and there is not any exaggeration in the yarn that makes them sandwich five-pound- notes between bread and butter and almost literally eat money ; yet while that sort of miserable tolly was in full swing, and winners were paying Al a head for the services of a leader to the coach for a puil up hill as they hurried to the city on the " bust," unlucky hands fonnd, it hard very hard to live at all. Three of them, say, Bobson, Dodson, and Wotson, were in Melbourne, having tramped thither after a long trial at gold getting, and right down on their luck. A capital of three shillings and sixpence was the sum total they could command. ~"What next to do Messrs Hob. Dod. and Wotson did not know. Competition in unskilled labour was too keen ; the musical member of the firm, the life and soul of every company when he was a well-to-do integer of

society, was literally a miserable failure in street mmstrely, and so seriously did his troubles assert themselves through, assumed gaiety in comic singing 1 that his life was endangered by oarousers, unwilling to be rendered low-spirited by what they called his yelping 1 . They would not even give him money to go away, but threw pewter pots at , the vocalist. All dodges for avoiding downright menial drudgery were exhausted, and the three and-sixpence also would very shortly be exhausted for even with the strictest economy three people cannot keep themselves long on that bank, and they were thinking 4 of parcelling it out as shipwrecked mariners do fresh water, when behold ! Wotson, to carry on the nautical metaphor, saw land — a land quite near, flowing with milk and honey, and covered with convertible, easily appropriatable securitits. Dodson and Hobson invested Wotson as with a hoarding while the rescuing idea was whispered. No one else could catch one word. They aIRO saw land ; the securities were theirs and already as good as converted into parks, town houses, country houses, hootch moors— and all out of three shillings and sixpence. Lord Mayors of London, starting with two and sixpence, were not to count by their side. Willingly, indeed, did they ar ange to commence making their fortunes on empty stomachs, and let the whole forty-two pence go in — yes, there it is — Wotson's happy idea-fly-papers. But, they a^ked, with fingers tingling to begin manufacture, did dear Wotson — Hobson and Dodson had never till then so truly loved their friend and brother— did he feel quite sure about the way to make the insect cntrappers ? Throe shilling's and sixpence is not much of a bank from an ordinary point of view, but it was to them as Kothscbild's or Mackay's millions, and, unOer the circumstances, a terriblo lot to lose. Doubt made them ready to regard the land espied by their partner as possibly a mirage and illusory phantom, but unbelief did not last long. Know P Why of course — who should, if he did not ? Brown paper, spread with a mixture of treacle^ and powdered resin, would detain to lingering death beetloß, blue-bottles, and flies, and all such small deer. Flies are the pests of the colonies. After afew days at Oastlemains, in Victoria, or Cootamundra, in N.S. Wales, Murdoch's home, one kno vs what Pharoah had to put up with ; they bother one's life out go where you may, and any material with a suspicion of saccharine in its composition is fairly blackened by their swarms as soon as exposed. Up till Wotson's inspiration, not a ily paper had been seen in the colonies, and the stores, where groceries attracted the insects by the thousand, and the drapers' and the butchers' shops were alike innocent of them. No wonder, then, that the ' Bon ' firm hugged themselves on the grand idea, and carefully expended their little money on brown paper, resin, and treacle, their night in prepai-ing and spreading the plaster. Wotson was deputed to open the campaign next morning, and accordingly began at the top of the tree with Messrs. Buckley and Nunn, who of all should be glad to beat the insect enemies, swarming on thtir silks, satins, costumes, and so forth, rich in material and price. To Messrs. B. and N. enter Woston, as swell as his two partners could make him, and carrying under the arm with which he did not n.ake a bow a great bundle of his precious compositions. 'Any fly-papers to-day, sir r' says Wotson. 1 Fly-papers, fly-papers ! Dear me, what an excellent idea. How is it we haven't heard of them out here before ?' commented one of the principal shop walkers. The walker above him was a man of ready action and few words. He said, ' How much r l ' To use Wotson's own expression ho ' didn't know how to as>k enough,' and when the firm brought him out, and took his whole stock of sixty at halt'-a-crown apiece, he cursed himself for a moderate ass, and in the Eastern countries phrase, ' fared to feel like a fool ' on showing the expectant company £7 10s. as return for his superior knowledge and the joint capital and labour. Did they make up for past and present privation and go on a spree with some of their haul '? Not a suggestion of a burst came from one of them. Fly-paper making was almost as lucrative as banknote making, and every ' son ' of the hundred and fifty shillings was estimated at its true value, viz., as a money cropper bringing forth forty-fold aud more in geometrical progression. Little time was wasted in consuming a modest meal. Life was real, life was earnest, when three shillings intelligently invested in the fly-paper trade brought in seven pounds ten shillings. The tide, in their affairs should, they 2?solved, be taken at the flood, and bear them, with a precious freight of fly-paper, on to fortune. Devoted to each other and coining money, the three chums laid out seven pounds in brown paper, trencle, and resin, and sat up all night reducing the last named to powder, mixing it with the treacle, and spreading the sticky stuff over the paper. Wotson had done well as commercial traveller on the first, and by nnanimou.- vote of two, was told off for like duty on the second day. Behold him, with sixty samples under each arm, closely followed by the faithful Co., bearing 1 heavy loads of their treasures, introduce himself for the second time to the great Buckley and Nunn. 'Any fly-papers to-day?' he opened, with a suave bend of the body. Cumbered with two armfuls, he naturally could not raise his hat. His friend of tho first day recognised Inn immediately, and beckoned him into the deeper recesses of the establishment. He went ; what time Hobson aud Dodson quivered with delight under their burdens, and said to each other that he (Wotson) was going to be presented with testimonials ending with permission to publish the praise bestowed on Wotson, Hobson, and Dodson's unrivalled fly-papers. Or perhaps they surmised the firm wished to contract, with a view to profitable distribution, for all they could maVe. Wotson, they agreed, would have to consult his Co., before he committed himself or them by ' signing anything.' Meanwhile, smiling, smirking Wotson advanced with confidence, and his full arms, to the end of tie shop furthest from the entrance. What was that that came all at once liife a blow ivom a steam hammer on ah cherished remnant of a bell-topper hat, and this grasp on his coat collar, and this kicking, and why was he to be called scoundrel ? Wotson would gladly have given all his large fortune in posse for release in ease. ' I ain't a scoundrel. You leave off,' said the innocent. ' Oh, you ain't a scoundrel, ain't you ? Then look here,' replied his torturers. ' Look at that — a twenty-pounds 3ilk dress originally whole co'oured light blue, now a cerulean belcher with irregularly distributed black spots. And this — a matronly black satin bearing a sort of upper crust, as if dotted all over with shrivelled black currants. And this ! and this ! and this !' Each call on hisj attention was italicised by a vicious kick, but no word of complaint could he utter ; he was too aghast. Buckley and Nunn's costly stock was fairly plum-puddinged all over. i In f very direction flies, dead or dying, smothered

silks, satins, velvets dresses, mantles, shawls bonnets, ribbons— every article displayed. Flypapers, almost cleaned of tbe mixture, were laid about the shop, but never a fly on them ; their work was done, but not on the premises, so to speak. All the tiny little paites de mouches had abstracted particles ; the preparation, not strong enough to hold them when they walked, proved su&cently powerful as they dried it in their night, and when weakened by its hampering ettects they settled on the valuable material, the y stuck, and died as they stuck. vyhat could be said ? Not anything. What could be done p Well, if Hobson and Dodson had be.iayod like men, and come to their friend's assistance, the assaults might have been repaid in kind ; but Messrs Hobson and Dodson did not behave like men, unless slinking- off can be so termed. (When the ' Co. 'were once more united it took many days before the martyr was brought to believe that they were only actuated to withdraw from fear that the remaining fly-papers might be damaged.) _ So poor Wotson sensibly concluded that the first thing to be done was *to get his head from under the arm of one of his assailants and remove his precious person from the risk of further indignity and punishment. With the strength of despair lie wrenched himself free and made his escape, leaving all his fly-papers as spoil for the garrison, and a set-off to the damage his former supply had effected. No drowning experience is complete without the ' comprehensive recollection ' item, in which while making an effort to accomplish a la&t gasp, the drowning person is by strict etiquette required to pass in review all the incidents of his life. From childhood's earliest hour down to the moment of taking the water, all that can complete individual history resolves itself into a carefully edited biography, with an appendix of sins of omission to supplement the lengthy catalogue of those of commission, and read outrealised at a glance. Wotson ha,s never been drowned but believes thoroughly in the mental instantaneous photography business, for each good, bad, and indifferent deed flashed (so he says) through his inistrabJc mind while lie believed he was to be done to death, and one of the flashes put the query, c How about the Venice turpentine ?' That was it ! The brown paper, and the treacle, and the powe'ered resin, and the flies, too, had all done their several parts nobly, but without Venice turpentine the labour was? all in vain. He had left out the ' drier.' Hinc illos laclivymoi. Sadder and wiser,the friends looked the situation in the face like men. One royal road to fortune had failed signally. How could they make the best of a bad job and turn tho heap of sticky brown paper to advantage & It was impossible to add the turpentine j the " mixture as before " was u&eless without it ; the stock presented a 'nice bit of money in cost, but was altogether an unnogotiable security. Wotson came to the rescue. He knew a, song about fly-papers, and when evening came, the companions, each with a piece round his hat as appropriate costume, sallied forth, a musical troupe, saving that only one could sing. Success beyond expectation attended the speculation. At the very first publichouse they serenaded, tho landlord came out, and addressing the leader said, " "Your name is Wotson, isn't it? I used to drive the Islington 'bus which took you and your father to tho City every morning, and I can't a-bear to see a gentleman like you beneathing himself by street-singing. Come and be respectable. Clesn mj pots, and I'll give you two pounds a week and the ' run of your Dovei: ' " (free rations, 1 . Once more there was a tide in Wotson's affairs to be taken or left at the flood. He took it, It led on to fortune. Hobson and Dobson he helped out of his wages till they obtained lucrative appointments (soiling buns on commission at the wharf). Shortly a Cornishman, newly arrived quartered himself with Wotson's benefacting ex 'busman, took a fancy to Wotson, and proposed that they should go up country to the diggings together. Wotson stipulated that his old partners should be in the speculation, and the four work shares. They went to Ballarat. Just then alluvial digging was giving place to quartzmining. The new chum was a clever, practicaj miner, and— if you want to annoy one particular, well-to-do Australian merchant in Leadenhallstreet, call at the office of Wotson, Hobson, and Dobson (all Wotson now — Hobson has retired, Dobson is dead), bend one arm, as if holding a bulky parcel, raise your hat with the disengaged hand, and say, 'Any fly-papers to-day ?" I don't think that he would face either Buckley ov Nunn for a small fortune, but if those good supporters of the Melbourne Warehousemen's Cricket Club wish I will introduce them to him when they come this way to look after the London Agency, in St. Paul's, adjoining my friends', the Football Association.

— There were no Cup matcbes plaj-ed in the Domain last Saturday. — A correspondent writes : — On Dee. ISth the much disputed question as to who was the best man between Coyle and Mclntyre was decided in a paddock afc Huntly. /'he contest was decided with bare 'uns, London Prize Ring 1 rules. Coyle, who was the first to put in an appearance, dispensed with any attendance, while Mclntyre waa looked after by Mr Odlam. Both men were confident, and looked in the pink of coudition. Round .1 : This round opened by a good deal of sparring, Mclntyre' s style being most fancied. He opened the ball by planting one or two very heavy blows on his opponants face, which brought Ooyle out of his shell. Coyle responded with his- right on Mclntyre 1 a throat. From this out the fight was of a give anil take character, Mclntyre'* claret running freely, while Coyle did not show n, scratch. Round 2 : Coyie now began Lo force the fighting, and succeeded in getting 1 home a terrific right on Mclntyre's jaw, which made him reel and fall, taking his ten seconds out on the grass. On getting up he rushed Coyle, but George met him with another terrific right hand blow, which sent him again to grass. At it again both men went throwing all science aside. Odlam cried out, ' Steady, Mac,' and he now began to fight with more cave, and successfully landed his right on Coyle's left breast. This only added fuel to the fire, and Coylo went at his man like a liger, landing his left on Donald's eye and noso, sending the blood flying. Mclntyre was now tiring, and the round ended in Coyle's favour. Eound 3: Mclntyre came up to the music, this round looking rather dicky, his eye and nose showing severe marks from the fray. Coyle looked still strong, and after some careful play, Coyle tried some more rushing, Mclntyre evading him cleverly, but Coyle again managed to get home his powerful rig-ht on Donald's chest, and from this out the fight was never in doubt, Mclntyre, in fact, lying down to it, and George Covle was declared champion of Waikato. After the fight, Coyle struck Mclntyre's second 'for some breach of the London Ring .Rules, but the latter declined the invitation.