IN THE REPORTERS ROOM

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 524, 5 January 1889, Page 11

IN THE REPORTERS ROOM

By M. T. Case.

C were speaking the other clay of the Gospel Temperance Tent Mission, Jjl O'Flanagan,' remarked the chief. ' The promoters appear to have been very successful in their efforts to induce men to adopt teetotal principles,' ' Yes, the mission has been both successful and very interesting, I believe,' replied the policereporter. ' I was not able to attend any of the meetings, much to my regret.' ' I attended a good many,' said the religious editor, ' and really enjoyed them very much. One thing puzzled me exceedingly. Some of the speakers, Smith, Cook, and the Bey. Mr Gilmore among others, stated that they had tried both sides of the question, for which I conclude that ; they have, in their time, been occasional drunkards.' ' That conclusion is a fair enough deduction from their statements, 1 admitted the chief, ' but Ido not think they meant quite so much. I expect they only wished to claim a former habit of moderate drinking. It would give their arguments greater weight.' ' Smith doesn't look like a man who was ever addicted to heavy drinking.' remarked the policereporter, ' and Gilmore would not be physically able to stand even one glass of 40 o.p. rum. Cook is very shaky-looking on his pins, and, if he asserts that he has, like the great Gough, been a bit of a swiper in the past, I should hesitate to contradict him.' ' But why should they acknowledge such a thing, even if it were true ?' asked the religious editor. ' I should have thought they would have been ashamed to own such a degrading antecedent.' ' In the first place,' replied the police-reporter, 'it gives their arguments more force. It also gives the speakers a higher status. The best of men likes to be able to confess that, some time or other in his past career, he was a sad dog. The bad boy at Sunday school, who slips out an occasional mild oath, shocks his better-behaved companions ; but the lattev, nevertheless, cannot help regarding him as a bit of a hero in his way. So it is with these teetotal spouters. They feel quite big as they recall the time when they were rips of the first water. White must have felt very one-horsey when he avowed that lie had never tried but the teetotal side.' 'I feel sorry for White,' said the religious editor. 'It is sad to think that he has never experienced the exquisite delight of getting sober after a heavy night's booze. I know of no other sensation that lingers so long in one's memory.' ' You got a little boozy at the opening of the Calliope Dock, I think,' said the police-reporter. ; I did partake pretty freely of the champagne I admit, but I never anticipated that the Harbour Board were going to be so mean about it. I agree with Lanigan, that the H.B. should decidedly pay him the money outlaid by him on the lunch. The Admiral must think them a pretty lot.' 'As a private citizen, I feel thoroughly ashamed of the scandalous proceeding,' said the police-reporter, 'and trust that the Press will give the Board no rest till the dispute is for ever settled. As for Lanigan going to law, he is too wise to adopt such a foolish course. He might get a verdict for the eighteen thousand that he claims, and it might cost him fifteen thousand to do it. My own opinion is that the Board should appoint an arbitrator about whose ability and impartiality there could be no doubt. But, by all means, let the Board, without an instant's delay, pay for the luncheon provided at the opening of the dock. The amount is rather large, and I am in low water just now, or I would follow the example set by the Mayor in connection with the fine imposed on Captain Boss of the Salvation Army.' ' What is this twopenny exhibtiton they are getting up in Dnnedin, O'Flanagan ?' enquired the religious editor. 'It sounds rather a paltry affair.' 4 Nothing of the sort, I assure you. It is intended to be quite a grand event. Twopenny is the name of the gentleman who is engaged to make the thing gee, and although the exhibition is Twopenny, it is so with a capital initial.' I noticed 'last week that he wired the Mayor of Auckland, requesting him to call a public meeting to enlist the sympathy and co-operation of our citizens. I was surprised to find Mr Devore a little cool about it, especially as Mr Twopenny stated that special advantages would be gained by Auckland.' ' Devore acted quite judiciously,' remarked the police-reporter. ' There is no earthly reason why we should jump right into Mr Twopenny's arms over this business. His Worship very naturally was anxious to learn what special advantages the good people of Dunedin were so solicitous of conferring upon us. This sudden access of affection is suspicious; as a rule, Dunedin people are anything but studious of Auckland's interests. Take last week for instance. The East Coast steamer is a day late on her up trip, and arrives in Auckland on Christmas morning. Does the return steamer delay a day to enable Auckland merchants to forward their consignments to Napier and other East Coast ports ? No ! Her departure is postponed two hours, and tons of stuff were refused shipment. Had the Dunedin people acted honestly in this matter, the steamer would have been pushed on to arrive in Auckland on Monday mornin,' as usual. Failing that, her departure should have been postponed to Friday. It has been put off till Friday often enough when it suited tham,' 1 ' Well, that has nothing to do with Twopenny, has it ?' asked the religious editor, 'If there is going to be an Exhibition at Dunedin, we should do all in our power to make it a grand success. The whole colony will share in the benefit indirectly, although Dunedin may be the 1-ion of the hour. ' ' Gallagher had a lively time of it with the priest at New Plymouth,' said the chief. ' And served him jolly well right,' remarked the religious editor. ,

•You think so, do you? I can't say that 1 agree with you. 1 ' What right has a man to go mad' beeauae hie wife tabes a drive into the country with a clergy, man ? He should feel honoured instead of hurt. Don't you think so, O'Flanagan ?' 1 Yes, I don't. I blame Gallagher exceedingly for one thing, and that is that he did not give the two priests a downright good hammering. Their action was perfectly indefensible, and the bishop of the diocese should not allow the | abominable scandal to pass unpunished. It is' wrong for a layman to drive out with another man's wife. What would you think if you saw an Auckland Eomish clergyman driving a married, or indeed any, lady up Queen-street ?' • It would very much depend on what style of woman she was,' replied the religious editor. 'If she were a dashing, fine-looking young woman, I should think him a very lucky fellow. If she were plain and dowdy, I should think his time might be better employed. What's the meaning of Jungfrau Kapelle ?' ' Kapelle* is evidently much the same as our 1 word chapel, and a jung frau is by no means to be sneezed at if she is at all passably good-look-ing. I don't know why the professionals now in 1 Auckland dub themselves by that name, but it sounds very well, and the Swiss mashers, like the Auckland ones, go to the Kapelle to meet the jung fraus. If you're coming down the street, I'll tell you how an Auckland lawyer entered the Temperance Tent thinking it was the Supreme Court, and never found out his mistake till he moved for a writ of ejectment and got it.' ' Did he think it was a full court ?' ' I can't, oay, but there seems to be no doubt that the bar was very full.'