MIXED Paickles

Observer, Volume 9, Issue 522, 22 December 1888, Page 2

MIXED Paickles

Items suitable for insertion tinder thin head are invited from readers in ioicn or country. All offerings must be authenticated by the real name and address of the writer and should reach us not later than 9 a.m. on Fuesday.

— The A Battery held a firing practice at the North Shore the other Saturday . There was a large crowd of spectators, as usual, including a number of ladies. At these practices each man has to ' sight a gun,' i.c, has to adjust it to the best of hia judgment and ability so as to ensure success when it is discharged. On the afternoon in question one of the Battery fellows was so intently engaged in ' sighting ' that in stooping his unmentionables split in a very awkward place. Entirely unconscious .of what had happened the amateur warrior went on with hia work amid the haw-haw 3of the gentlemen, and the stifled laughter of the ladies. A comrade seeingwhat had happened, was about to draw the attention of the unfortunate rrarksnian to the rent in his dual garment, when thp Captain, anxious that a shot should not be lost exclaimed : * Eh, man but let him fire firrist ; ef he kens onything 1 aboot it noo he'll be p-t. off his shote.' So the shot was fired, and then somebody edged up to the shootist and whispered what had happened, at the same time handing Mm an overcoat, under cover of which he hid his confusion and beat a retreat. This comes of the capitation fee having been reduced to .£1 per head per annum, out of which sum the warrior must pay for his uniform, pipeclaying, gas. cleaning guns, etc., etc., etc. Formerly the capitation was J6S a head. How can a man afford to dress himself in clothes fit to wear on such a beggarly allowance ? — An egg3traordinary story reaches us from America. It is to the effect that a young and charming edrl was assisting her papa to pack for market the eggs laid by their geese, when the idea struck her to write upon the shell of one of them her name and address. This pasing fancy was one of those little whims which sometimes have immensely far-reaching consequences, and who knows but that it may in future years affect the whole of the United States, and through them, the world ? For a future President may be born of this union— but we are anticipating. The eggs were duly forwarded, and in the : course of business this particular egg, on which the name was inscribed, came into the hands of a rising business . man. He wrote, he sent hia photograph, he conquered. The correspondence which he commenced on spec with the unknown inscriber of the eggshell, culminated in a proposal, a procession, and a perambulator, and there is only one drawback to this delightful denoument — and that is, that spinsters of all ages may set to work on eggsheils, and render our breakfast tables mere matrimonial agencies. — Here is a new way of making marriage attractive. A Hungarian lady has had the ingenious idea of petitioning the Finance Minister to allow her to issue a lottery loan of 100,000 tickets of one florin ; the sole object to be gained being the lady herself, who promises to marry the. man who draws the prize. Of the 100,000 florins she set aside 40,000 florins as dowry, and the remaining 60,000 florins to cover expense's and for charitable purposes. Only gentlemen from twenty to forty years of age are entitled to »..ake tickets. As soon as the Finance Minister has approved of the scheme of the fair petitioner, the lady is willing to send in her photograph, in, order that intending competitors for the prize may not be kept in the dark about the charms, of their future better-half. The Minister has not yet given his decision, however. — 7.A11 inebriated individual recently addressed his own reflection in the mirror adorning the bar of. a Wellington pub. It was'late,and,the intoxicated party . catching sight of his Counter-: f eit presentment in the glass, hospitably said . ' Goin' to have jesh one more before you go 'ome ? Have one which mo old fler!*' Twice was the invitation repeated, and then the deluded man got mad; and, shaking his fist at his reflection, said : ll ßesh thing yott c'it do's ig-o'ine. Whashgoodof stoppin- here when you can't drink and are , drunk boiled ouwjsh?, Grbme.if I couldn't stand m' liquor better'n.yoti Tf'd .knocic,it off.,. 'Then ■fco ; break it to -liim gently that i :b.e iwas^ad, and cart 1

. — At a recent fish dinner at New York the ■ guests vied with each other in telling stories about fish, sensational finds of- pearls, &c. The boss story of the collection was narrated by a tough-looking old sinner with a- venerable white, beard a.nd a twinkle in his keen grey eyes. Said he : ' One day I had been called away from home to Liverpool, about two months before my marriage. Just before I was about to returnhome, l purchased a very valuable ring' for my intended wife, when, looking over the morning paper, I perceived the announcement of her marriage l with another man. I got into sur-h a rage that I threw the ring overboard. Somo time after,, whilst staying at an hotel where a fish dinner was being served up, of which I was partaking 1 , I hit, something' hard, and what do you suppose it s was ?' ' The valuable ring,' said a great many. . ' No, it waß a fishbone.' ■ — Servantgalism, supposed by come to : have died out in Auckland, still crops bd occasionally, as if to admonish us that Sarah Jane expects to be treated with the consideration befitting her importance in the community, and will ' stand no nonsense.' It is customary when showing up the shortcomings of our domestic ' helps ' to speak of them as of Irish birth. Let Us be guilty of no fresh injustice to Ireland. This tian» the damsel is Auckland born. About a month ago she consented, for the usual ' consideration,' to act as cook for a family residing^, one of th« suburbs. She is a determined young person, with hair of a colour suggestive of the clover blossom, when it is dried and in the truss, and she ..gave her new employers plainly to understand that Sunday labour was agin her principles, and that she expected to have one night ' out ' a week at the very least. Her demeanour was dictatorial; not to say haughty;, and her views were humbly acquiesced in by the lady^ who engaerefl her. Rb« drove out to her 'situation' in a cab, -and, disdaining the back door, walked up the front steps and rapped as loudly as she could. The cabman followed with the boxes, and Mary Jane at one« pi'oceeded to take possession of the kitchen. She i sent up a well-cooked dinner that night, and her „ employers decided that her little whims must.be humoured on account of her ability. But there' is a limit to all things. The following evening ; Mary Jane's missus found her peated on th« kitchen dresser, aide by side with a pale-faced young man with sleek, black oily hair and an evan- . gelical ca^t of countenance. The missis stared at the intruder, but Mary Jane budged not, neither did the young man. Nothing was said about the matter that time, but it was observed that the same youth was a constant visitor at th« i kitchen, so constant indeed that the > missus . ! begged Mary Jane to tell her just to satisfy her ' curiosity whether he boarded in the house or not. The fat was in the fire immediately. 'Now look here,' said the help in firm accents, 'this is my young man, and he's got to come and see' me just ' as often as he wants to. ' 'Oose kitcbing is this, bif it comes. to that? Why mine,' to-be sure! You've got yer parler and yer draw'in room, am t yer, and I never hinterferes with you ; don t *you come a hinterferin with me, then. This young. -_ man an' me is keepin' coinnany. ' If yon object then you'd better look out for somebody else. I don't care, please yerselt', and you'll please me. The lady pleased herself. Mary Jane, accompanied by the black-haired and bilious-hued ycung man with whom she is keeping company, has departed. Thathousehpldknowsthem.no'. more, and a vacancy exists for a yburigoperson ' without followers.' and if possible impressed -with. y the idea that marriage is afailure, .•. ; ~U: v; ; ■ —The Sydney Telegraph possesses; ft|le!ftstv > one ' word painter ' on the staff!" .Bpsb^ibiipg &* late disatrous fire in. Sydney, he whoops :— A,. feeling of unexpected liberation had seized thjr; entire community. The heat had gone, the.smok« ; , fog had gono, tho spirit of oppression had iri turn, been pressed into.eaptiyity,, and ,we' were' all beginning to live .again/ :'M4otpoialk of ish'ej strange; experience of the d^y^a|\%,^ethih^Vatiio«t hie-/ toric. when all at pnce-.a-giara OT-flame 1 an'd<a lurid cloud of smoke leapt i into' ';'ttsi. air 'from^an unex-,-pected quarter. It was, almost"' as though; an unknown force fn Nature had at a'moment's notice : .attracted the diffused heat of; the previous twenty four hours to a given point, boxed it up. and' keot it down until, maddened by • the confinement, the 'fiery fiend at length over ame- its captor; and. bursting its prisonhonse leapt into the air with a terrible purpose. ; , Hitherto it. seemed to h'aj* wandered abroad in idle: enjoyment of its P r \"»*" ? lege to weaken and tdrment.- .. NoW it rose with the power of a destroyed ! .-■ n ,^^#? we have, said,, in less than a n hour from. the, alarm of fire, alnipst all that wa a left ":of the 'EvMing^ . Newp-'^pmoe were four blackened walls and a^heap of glo.wing.. debris.' -."•". „ ..,■■....•". ..,•;....,•' p. .-.'>, ; -^ —Thus the Wellington Weekly 'Eerald:i*-:i ' In a f astly. dying-out place like Napier it bjwspmeß: :; necessary for apaper,' if.it deserve 3 living^to>|*;.; guilty of someindisoretion* so fas ■^vbrmg'^iißelfij; before the,p;eppie ' \ Wh>t has Na)^E:^9^!t!d|f J j Hjbraldma-n Jthat^ef ?^§l»|