THIS AND THAT.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 334, 2 May 1885, Page 15

THIS AND THAT.

Not Her Very Own. — (Two bosom friends loqiciter.) 'Oh ! Clara darling, you've got a gray hair !' 'I ? What nonsense you talk, Lizzie ! It nmst'be my chignon !' A Young- Philosopher.— A young lady of nine summers, the daughter of Dr. G., said, with a sigh : ' What a pity that ladies grow six months older every year !' A Delicate Hint. — ' Grandpa, dear, we have come to wish you many happy returns of the day ; and mamma says, if you give us each half a crown, we are not to lose it on our way home.' A little fellow who had some teeth extracted was comforted by the dentist with the assurance that they would come again. With an eye to the immediate future, the urchin inquired, ' Will they come again before ■ dinner? ' Trees Distingue. — The number of gentlemen one sees with decorations in their buttonholes is something prodigious. A wag offers the following suggestion for the quick recovery of your top-coat on coining out of the j opera : Say to the box-opener simply, ' The one without the ribbon.' You will be attended to at once. A True Briton. — The other day Lord S., a member of the Upper House, with his wife and daughters, called on Victor Hugo. As the latter entered the drawing-room, Lord S. turned to his wife and said : ' Monnsir Victor Hougo ! great poet.' Victor Hugo made a bow. Then the lord said to his daughters : ' Victor Hugo ! Notre Dame de Paris.' The poet bowed a second time ; whereupon the lord drew forth a large memorandum book, and Victor Hugo expected that he would now be asked for his autograph. He stepped back ; but Lord S., looked at the clock and said, fixing his eyes upon his note-book : ' At ten o'clock . . . visited the giraffe in the Jardin d 1 Acclimasation.' 1 Thus saying he walked off with his family. A Venerable Orange Tree. — This remarkable tree is in the famous park at Versailles, where during the winter it is housed in the splendid ' Grangerie, and in summer is placed in the gardens behind the palace. It has now attained an age of 473 years, for it was planted in the year 141 1 at Pamplona, in Navarre, and its branches are so wide spread that they require to be held in position by steel rods and wire ropes. In the spring of the year 1500, this giant of its species was presented to Louis XII., 'the father of his people,' as he was surnamed by his grateful subjects. It was the first time an orange tree had ever appeared in France, and its appearance created so great a sensation, that crowds Hocked to see it as it passed along the road, and in such numbers, that French chroniclers refer to the arrival of the first orange-tree as a memorable event in history. It is generally called ' the great Bourbon,' and is covered every year with flowers and fruit in thousands. An English General at a public dinner was asked to respond to a toast complimentary to the army. He was a hero in the field, but so panic-stricken was he when standing on his legs at the dinner-table, that he said : — ' May it please your Eoyal Highness, I rise — the army — the British army — whose valorous — hem, hem — I say, the army — ' Here a friend pulled the gallant soldier by the coat-tails, and whispered, ' Thank the gentlemen, and sit down. ' The general obeyed. Another distinguished officer, on a similar occasion, knowing that he had been chosen to return thanks for the army, instead of dining, made pencil notes, lie may have outlined a good speech, but what lie said was: — ' My lords and gentlemen — unexpectedly called ' — here he looked at his notes — ' I say, unexpectedly called upon ' — here the notes dropped under the table — ' England is an island — and — and ' — here he paused for some time — ' and long ma} 7 she remain so.' Manufacturers have a good story to tell just now at the expense of one of Her Majesty's Inspectors. He went to a town which shall be nameless, in order to Inspect a mill. He was received by a millowner in his private office, a beautiful Turkej^-carpet room, and there was a goodly lunch spread out, which the Inspector, being young and having a healthy appetite, did full justice to. The meal finished, the host said to his guest, ' Well, if you won't have any more wine, let us go into the card-room ' — meaning of course, the room where the carding is done. 'You must excuse me, ' said the Inspector, ' but I never play cards before dinner.' This is almost as good as the story told of a noble lord who, going over a cotton mill, and beingshown some of the raw material — ' wool, l as it is called — looked at it knowingly and said, 'Ah ! wool, I see. Well, now, Mr.^ ,is this the wool of Australian or English sheep ? ' The Merry Students. — Whenever Gesenius, the learned Hebrew professor, announced a lecture on the first book of Moses (Genesis), the lecture-hall used to be filled in every part by an expectant audience. At this exact moment Gesenius came in, and generally opened his lecture with the following words : 1 Gentlemen, Genesises not so old as is generally believed.' Here a burst of ringinglaughter resounded through the hall, which was not, however, intended as an insult to the venerable lecturer. We are not sure whether ho ever discovered the reason. It was this : ' Gesenius had five daughters, whom the students had nicknamed Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus' Numbers, and Duetoronomy. The oldest, of course, was Genesis. — Hinc Me risus !