THE COUNTRY

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 236, 21 March 1885, Page 10

THE COUNTRY

Contributions are invited from counv* y dis' triots, hut no notice will he taken of comirvurneaiaons which contain merely vague, or spiteful remarks, or are no attested by a genuine signature and address. Con'cspot dents should write only on one side of the paper. RUSSELL. Scene : the recent ball. Tailor to Bank Clerk : ' Are you going to dance this evening ?' B.C. : Me, haw — no — must draw the line somewhere, you know.' Times have changed since he hawked round milk at 4d a quart. CAMBRIDGE. Why did the Cambridge nurseryman send Sophy home ? Was he afraid there would be an elopement with F. ? O ! Tommy make room for your — I mean your grandmother. People know now you never read your prayer book, or you would have known a man may not marry his granny, &c. WAITOA. It was very amusing to see Mr and Mrs M. of Waitoa and Mrs L. of Three Kings travelling to the top of Te Aroha. One of the ladies left her — you know what, in some fern, and when they searched the tor) they left a lock of their hair in a bottle. They pulled up lame before they reached home. OKAIHATJ. Is it true that three blue ribbon men got drunk at their first meeting ? No wonder the waggon factory can't go ahead when there are two Kidds working in it. Why is that long disciple making so much talk about the school being let for a dance ? TE AROHA. G-eorge should not keep M. out so late of a night. Jerry is about to tie the fatal knot if he can only obtain the lean-to. Lofty felt much higher when Lilly told him he was looking quite handsome. WADE. What was the joke about those likenesses ? An engagement is announced between the princess and one of our locai navvies. Willie B. looked very comfortable escorting those two sisters up the Shells the other Sunday, but had a look on him that indicated he felt — ' how happy could I be with either were t'other dear charmer away.' GrISBORNE. What will the masher, Bobby, do now that Miss H. has left ? Rumour says that Frank A. and Miss C. are to be married shortly. O, what bliss. The lovely Hebe at the Masonic says she like 3 G-eorge Mo(o)re every time she sees him. Young Snyder is trying to do a bear up to Mis 3 W. What will the man in the hospital say about it ? ONEHUNG-A. The publicans are weaving a strong Webb around the water pump. Is heer or water to win ? or that everlasting mixture of swash 'independence?' The following names of candidates for Licenssing Bench appear very funny after our friend Tommy added the last line— Vote for Sutherland, Dunwodie, Fleming, and Robb — the poor man of his beer. WAIRING-A. What made M. so savage after receiving that telegram at the dance ? Ned was coming ifc too strong dancing seven times in succession with Miss A, Miss F. was evidently belle of the hall, dressed in white, trimmed with blue ; and Miss K. came in for second honours dressed in cream satin. Miss B. looked very pretty dressed in pale blue. The Baby was not there. WAIORONGOMAI. Louie F. is to run in double harness at the beginning of next month. Was the reason given by our schoolmaster gave for leaving his lodgings correct ? GriDger says poor Billy was jumping wild when he got that nasty valentine. The next time Mrs S. sends the young mother a valentine she should learn how to spell. The butcher is jibbing on the match. He says the business will not keep him in tobacco. Times must be bad • here when a publican wants someone to take a borrowed five pounds out in kai. KAIWAKA. Fob failed to get up the dance after his boasting. Too bad of Kilkenny Dick to devour the boss's dinner. How are you getting on over yonder, Willie ? Any show of procuring a wife ? The ball given by Mr Curtis at Point Curtis was a great success. Dancing was commenced at V p.m., and was kept up with spirit until 1 a.m. The music was ably rendered by Mr J. Hastie. Mr J. Meale kindly officiated as M.C. The following is a list of the dresses worn on the occasion — Miss Curtis (belle) cream satin, handsomely trimmed with silk ; Miss E. Sarah, pale silk llama ; Miss Tornty, dotted blue silk j Bliss D. Eowsell, Hue nun's veiling, trimmed with home spun ;. Miss A. Curtis, very handsome blue sateen, trimmed with crimson roses ; Miss Harper, canary, with brown, white lace • Mi3s Harris, blue and crimson, trimmed with blue sash ; Miss Mould, black tarlefcon, and skirt to match. At intervals between the dances songs were sung by Mr Harper and othera.

HELENSVILLE. Professor Hugo was not a brilliant success here. His first subject was one of his countrymen who did not receive a verj flattering character, especially in regard to his style of walking. None of the ladies cared to undergo the physiognomical examination, but the gentleman whose locomotion had been condemned came forward and got another very uncomplimentary diagnosis. One of the four gentlemen examined declared that the Profesor had put him through on a previous occasion and given him quite a different character. HUNTLY. The coquettish grass widow is haviog a fine time of it among the surveyors. It is amusing to see so many Adonises hovering around. An embryo surveyor up here, who gives himself many airs, affects pity for the accepted suitor of Princess Beatrice, and says any girl should have a chance after that. This is cheek with a vengeance. The active young telegraphist is a ' gone coon,' and sings pathetically, 'We won't go home till morning,' and then is heard a still small voice murmuring, ' G-o, Luke, dear, this will never do.' NEW PLYMOUTH. The ladies are anxious to know who the married man was that kissed one of the fair sex, much to her disgust? It is really astonishiug how some old men forget themselves trying to fancy they are young, and can act so. There are some mean men in the world, and there is one here who is almost beneath anyone's contempt to notice. It is but a few years ago that he same to the colony, and being young he soon got work at his trade at good wages. He opened a boarding-house, which his wife looked after, and did well out of it. Presently he went through the bankruptcy court, and some of hia creditors did not ask a penny. But, although I they have served him so well, he still goes round with hia wife to the different shops and begs. People are now coming to the conclusion that the game is altogether too thin. WARKWORTH. How did the larrikins put the fire out when they burnt the effigy ? For shame. That lime-burner should learn how to ride before he attempts to show off so in the town. Keep the spurs out, Tom. It is a pity that Evangelist did not get the prize at the Agricultural Show for the best cow for general purposes, because she eats other people's cabbages, and will walk into a store and help herself to anything eatable. Not much to boast of. We in Warkworth were delighted with the article on your old friend, Charley McM., but are sorry you have been led to suppose that he bears all his trials with Christian resignation, a3 the whole of the larrikins, old and respected settlers, wei'e had \\p to court for tm-kettling him and burning his effigy, but were let off with a ' don't do it again.' lie now talks of retiring, and intends going to the Soudan (may it be souden). I don't know what rank he aspires to, but nothing less than command of the whole of the New Zealand contingent will suit him ; or perhaps Medical Officer-in-charge might. OTAHUHU. The Doctor wishes to Jay 20 to 1 against the Mahdi ever turning out to be an old woman. What made Mary so anxious to get hold of the Obseryer last Friday ? And, oh ! didn't she fret because she wasn't in it. What will the little masher do with Pet when his wife comes back ? This will be a question for the Harmy to settle. Our popular doctor drives everything before him. Yesterday he drove his coachman and the front wheels off his buggy miles away from the body and hind wheels. There was a grand debate at tlie Mutual last Monday when my friend J. gave the new chums fits. The Maid-he (says he) is no maid at all, but a pat-riot. 'My love I love thee best/ So sang James to his three-year wife ; but the boys remarked on Wednesday morning that Jimmy was getting bald-headed. Poor Jimmy has to sing now — ' My love, I love, but thee alone.' Talking about volunteering to the coming war with Russia, one of our local J.P.s remarked to an old pensioner : ' You will go, of course ?' ' I never will,' replied the old veteran ; 'at least, not till I see you there first.' Poor Ernie had a frightful smash on Sunday, but he is a perfect Adonis. When the buggy caved in he made this pleasing remark to the seven ladies he had with him — ' Well, how could the buggy stand such a load of beauty ?' Well done Ernie.