TAUTRANGA JOTTINGS.

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 235, 14 March 1885, Page 13

TAUTRANGA JOTTINGS.

Harry is having it all to himself since Jes3ie left the Grate Pa for Katikati. But Emma is in =a quandery us to which to choose.

There must be something wrong in the coachang line when our worthy and respected midwife ihas to take a horse and dray on her excursions.

To be handsome, young, and thirty-two, With nothing else on earth to do But all day long to bill and coo, It were a pleasant calling.

It is with a feeling of relief that we hear our •distinguished and enterprising townsman, young Tommy, has been taken ' where the wicked cease from troubling, and ' you know the rest. •Since Adam stole the apple, Eve-n unto the day, it has been as natural for youngters <to try and crib as— as for John to try and palm 'the structure on an unsuspecting public. Herein *the simile agrees : both are done at the expense -of somebedy else. But apart from all this, the 'question arises — would it be possible to put John •and the structure where the— &c. ?

Scene on the Strand ; ' Charge of the Light Brigade.' — Shells darkened the air, and all the turmoil of babble seemed poured on poor devoted Tauranga. It's not to be supposed the Russians held the ' heights.' It was only Downey trying 4x> check the mad career of a shooting star. ''Twas an exciting scene when, with gallant heart and fiery spirit, the affrighted citizens beheld .lame Davey heroically charging to the rescue, thinking it" was (h)all up with Harry, but on turning the corner, he found he was only trying ■the difference between the potency of — well, say ginger- ale, and the powerfulness oE the sword. He at length came to the conclusion the former was much the stronger.

The Buster is quite refreshing lately. In its ' c Wanted Column ' last week it wanted the Little Tin to smash up (no, that was too weighty for type). This week we find, 'Wanted two strong Englishwomen by a bricklayer.' In response to £ 'this advt., we are informed several species of ~ biped, who conceived they were the articles required, waited on the bricklayer at his residence. They waited so long, that two apple trees which adjoined the house, and before their arrival were * loaded with fruit, were considerably lightened by their presence. In fact, when the bricklayer sought his peaceful mansion, and later on his apples, abystander heard him mutter, in anything but heavenly strains, ' Nothing but leaves,' and -lie left. Advertise !

The golden-haired asthetic has been undergoing a process of quizzing, and his appearance has caused a deal of discussion. Our local • caricaturists have not been behind hand. Several •of them have tried their hands at sketching his noble lineaments, not to mention the hair. We were particularly struck with the idea conveyed in the caricacture in Spencer's window, entitled 'The Marvellous Pianist,' and in Bracket's ' Arrah, will ye iver go home ?' from a photograph by B. S'penccr. The M.P. is represented -seated at an upright grand, while on the other side a large sunflower (the centre like a human face) rears its head. On sighting the M.Y. (and Ms hair), it appears to be horror-struck. Some aver that it shook, but that's the breath of scandal. The M.P., with one hand on the piano and the other poised in that graceful and accomplished style, sits rigidly gazing at the apparition on 'tother side.

Report by one who wasn't present. — Dick's Botanical paper -was roughly handled at the Mutual Recrimination Society the other evening. One of the brilliant and witty critics took exception to it, forsooth, because it didn't classify the Victoria Wharf piles, while another, equally Lrilliant, remarked that he hadn't gone as deep into the subject as the said piles into the sand (rough on Dick) ; while still another was of opinion that Dick had got so hopelessly mixed as to defy'several botanists to say to which species -of vegetable the author belonged. Condensed reply by Diek — ' Ladies and gentleman, no doubt •the critics who have just had their innings think themselves intensely funny, but I don't. With tregard to the first lunatic's objection, I can merely state that it would take several Phila-

delphia lawyers, or, failing them, Frith, to classify them. I will plead ignorant to the H second charge. lam aware there was a want of -depth in my paper, bnt this is a defect -which 13 -'easily remedied; I shall endeavour to get a longer sheet next time. The last objector, who us a fourth-rate opology for a second-hand gasworks, may feel better when, l tell him that I hope to grow out of that, when I trust, with the aid of Professor Pakeha, jou will be able to -classify me withont difficulty.' Notwithstanding these light answers, the criticisms have affected .Dick so much that he has volunteered for the •Soudan. I understand he was partly led to take

this step by the editor of the Little Un, who ...knows how to work the oracle — ' Our war corres--dent (paid by Grovt ) sends us the following account, &c' Dick says he would rather stand the chance of being cut up by a Mahdi than a king any day. Go it Dick ! let your motto be parvo ■in miiltum, and may you prosper. The eyes of all New Zealand are upon yon.

On Monday next, the 16th instant, Messrs Cochrane and Son will sell by auction at their rooms, Queen-street, the very valuable freehold ■of J. M. Dargaville Esq., situate in Parnell. A ■■•plendid chance for those who wish to obtain a ready made comfortable home. All particulars ■-are obtainable from the auctioneers.