BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 7, Issue 234, 7 March 1885, Page 12

BRIEF MENTION

The result of five-shilling corks— The fire in Kokeby-street. City North Licensing Committee threaten to abolish up-stairs bars in June. Foss should clear away those sheep skins, or he'll get Goldie sniffing about. That stolen rabbit at Ponsonby has been -very prolific. Five are a good bag. A -wonderful seene — Black Julia rushing out of her blazing house carrying that cooperative baby. How many more times do the Shortlandstreet lithographers intend to use that everlasting cabbage tree ? Did Miss J., of Wellington-street, faint -when she heard that Tommy, of the E/üby, liad gone to the Hospital with a broken leg V * The poem, " Gordon of Khartoum," by Mr W. li. Wills, of Otahuhu, which was first published in the Observer, has been set to music, and will shortly be republished. One or two errors occurred in the description of the costumes worn by the ladies at the recent ball at Morrinsville. Mrs Green wore brown silk ; Miss Harrell, black, with cardinal sash ; Miss Barber, brown silk. A young lady walking the other evening in Pitt-street was heard to address her mama as "Fat!" There was no rebuke in reply. A masher passing by at the time exclaimed : " Ah ! I wonder in what street, ah ! this damsel hangs out, ah !" When at Taranaki the great Rernenyi was presented with a greenstone mere. He looked at it for a moment, then said : "No one ever played the fiddle with a bow of this description," and with that at once rasped off a spirited air on his violin. > Several well known infidels are at Ihe £ present time to be seen in the choirs of our "churches on Sundays. Are they being converted from the errors of their ways, or do they go for the fun of the thing ? We shall probably next week have something to say with reference to some pious young men who are so regular in their attendance at church on Sundays, but who are often seen emerging from Rokeby- street. At Ralrino Island " Robinson Crusoe" lias a tamed pelican which feeds out of the children's hands and plays with a dog. There are also pet sheep which eat potatoes and occasionally enter the house and eat from the children's hands. Scene : An Insurance Office. Holy Joe (loquitur): "I want to insure my life." Polite Agent : " Couldn't take the risk, really, You're a Licensing Commissioner on the teetotal racket." Exit H.J. up the back entrance of the pub next dooz\ The boss of a certain hash-mill in Queenstreet was mysteriously missing the other day, and there was great excitement in consequence. He is supposed to have been somewhere in the neighbourhood of Penrose, in . company with Mrs No. 2. .. A big man and a little man sat at the same table in McEAven's dining-room the other day. " Pass me the salt, please," said the little man. "I'm not the waiter," replied the big man, in a surly tone. " Excuse me," was the stinging retort ; "it was a mistake any one would have made." What has given cause to so many vehicles arriving and waiting near St. James' Pres- -; l)yterian Church? Is it the arrival of worshippers, or is there some other attraction in the neighbourhood ? Some of the gents will xneet with a strong arm if they continue to knock at the wrong door. Cr. Goldie has taken to move about among the officials and putting on side as the coming Mayor. His lickspittle tactics are seen through. It will take him all his time to get JMayor, however much he aspires to the office. A mean man will not do for the Auckland civic chair. He can banish his ideal notions. A young husband, while promenading Queen-street last Saturday night, asked his tender bride if he should sing the new song, -" My Love, I Love Thee Best," to her. She ■waxed wrath, saying she would take care he did not sing it to anyone else. What will be *th.c length of that man's hair when he is 10 years older ? Scene : Outside a city church. Carriage, with pair of high-step|Ders pawing the road. First Lady (log.) : " Are not those fine torses? Nearly, thoroughbred, I should think." (Owner climbs into barouche at this moment). Second Lady: "Yes; you can see they are thoroughbred — that's where they differ from their o^pSer." "Very rough. on our merchant princes, eh ? But -fact, for. all that. A very pleasant party was given the other day by Mrs Clinkard at her residence, Makarau. Mr C. Clinkard officiated as M.C., and music was provided by Messrs Clark and Hooper. -?3faiong the ladies present ' were Mrs C. Hooper, Mrs Dye, the Misses Clinkard, Dye, Tirstram, Wilson, Brown, Jessie Brown, Naughton, Mqir, McLeod, F. McLeod. The dresses were j tasteful , and pretty, but among so many- ; f handsome ladies ib was difficult to select the -■. Ibelle. Dancing was prolonged till daylight, when the guests gave hearty cheers for Mr 4and' Mrs Clinkard and the M.Cj, and - t> wended .their way homewards. .

Garrard, the grey-haired veteran of the Black .Sea, has a grievance against the Crimean Veterans' Association. They wouldn't accept him as a member. They wanted something else besides gas. But now Garrard threatens all sorts of pains and penalties against the Association, actions at law, petitions to Parliament, speeches on the hustings, and general agitation all round. Perhaps lie will form an Association of his own. A lively story is going the rounds about a prominent Blue liibbon advocate. A friend ■ of his, who was about to go through the mill, ' made over to him, temporarily of course, some machinery on the understanding that it was to fee returned as soon as the process of white-washing had been completed. This operation having been successfully performed, he wanted that machinery back, but the temperance man, who, by-tbe-bye, is also a model of piety, could not see matters in that light, and stuck to the plunder.

People sometimes tell the truth by accident. For instance, in the report of the laying of a foundation stone for a new Weskjan Church the other day, the following remarkable sentence occurred: "The choir then sang the hymn, ' This Stone to Thee in Faith we Lay,' while the collectors went round with 'the plates, liesult, £101 2d." A spectator, who is more distinguished for punning than piety here remarked, " and a very paying lay too.-' But what we are anxious to know is — " Who gave that twopence ?"

QUEER CARDS,

A man who always knows the state of the crops and the poll. 0 , and is acquainted with the heads of the people.

A cute Wesle} r an in Waikato sold a pony the other day to one of his parishioners, and, in expatiating- on the animal's numerous good points, remarked : "My dear friend, you will be delighted to see him pull." A few days afterwards the purchaser complained that the wretched screw could hardly drag along an empty cart. The cute Wesleyan, with great sang ~f void, replied: "I said you would be delighted to see him pull, and so should 1 have been, but I never could get him to do it,"

Through an oversight we have forgotten to acknowledge the receipt of Mr W. S. Pulford's Newspaper Map and Directory, which is very tastefully got up, and cannot fail to be of great use to commercial men and journalists. It gives the name and place of publication of every newspaper in the colony, with other information of a practical character. The maps, which show at a glance the localities are plain and convenient. We congratulate Mr Pulford on having so success fully conceived and carried out a novel idea in maps and directories. Q_ On Thursday evening- last, when the bells rang out the alarm of fire, one of our respected townspeople — a celebrated tonsorial artist — was retiring for the night. He had just assumed that portion of attire, which of late years is usually donned before the final operation, of getting into bed, when the tocsin sounded. He was the first who heard it, and rushing out of his dwelling-house in Upper Queen-street, clothed in the colour which, is the symbol of purity, met a friend, who assured him that the fire was down Queen-street, near Victoria-street. On he went, until lie reached Wellesley-street, and opposite a house, from which issued sounds of revelry, and odour of perfume, if not sanctity. He stopped a man who was making tracks to the scene of the fire. On seeing him (^£e hairdresser) the man stopped also, then advanced a few paces, looked earnestly at the short white figure, and finally turned tail and ran. The barber then yelled out after the man in shrieks resembling the crowing of a spasmodic cock. " Heh ! heh ! What is the matter ? Where is the fire ?" •It stayed the frightened man's flight, and •..corning back to where the fiend, as he -thought, was stpnding, said: " Grood God, man ! you scared me out of my senses. I thought you were a ghost. I listened to hear your footsteps, but could hear nothing, and seeing you all in white, made sure some visitor from the infernal regions Avas on the warpath." That a innn should run in this costume into his verandah would not surprise us, but for one to run out at least 600 yards in, this state was the height of imprudence and f oily. Some sharp scoria or flint pebbles placed :in his way might have made him more cautious.