MRS. ’ARRIS IN REVUE.

Thames Star, Volume LVII, Issue 15115, 28 December 1921, Page 3

MRS. ’ARRIS IN REVUE.

FIRST APPEARANCE. (By C. B. Poultney, in the Sunday Times.) “The hother day,” observed Mrs ’Arris, “I sees one of them Revoos, as they call ’em, and, talk about a conglomerisation of hextraordinary hiniedents —well! - I never did. “It were through that Mrs ’Opkins as I went, reely. You see, ’er dorter, ’oo wos always a flighty ’ussy, with bobbed ’air an’ all ’as bin’ an gone on the stage, and she’s got a part in this ’ere' Revoo as I’m speaking of. She sent ’er Ma two passes being as she were playing in the lowcality. “Mrs ’Opkins, rekerlecting past favours as she ’as received at my ’ands (she’s bin hinvited to tea twice in the last 18 munce, one of the •times I knoo she couldn’t come) asks me to go with ’er, which I haeeepts with pleasure.” HUMOURING THE HOSTESS. “Wot part is your dorter playing?” I asks as we wos proceeding along. ' “Oh,” says he careless, “the leading part, of course; shore to be with ’er looks.” “Oh, ah,” I says, “it’s wonderful wot a difference this ’ere may-up (as they call it) can make.” “My,” she says, “my Cissie’s as pretty as a pieksher.” “Look ’ere,” says Mrs ’Opkins, “don’t you go saying things to ’er face behind her back.” “Beg parding,” I says, seeing she was getting ’eated, “I only meant she was like ’er mother,” and the matter dropped. , “Well, we gets to the theayter early, and Mrs ’Opkins were for going in, but I says we’d better ’ave one before the coal strike, so we goes into a ’andy place next door —that’s one thing I like about theaytres, they’re halways built close to places of hentertainmentl There was a bill of the play ’anging on the wall of the “select.” It were ’eaded: “ ‘Mr Lewis Aarons (in congestion with M Levi Hoggenbaum), presents Mr Solly Elvenstein’s Noo Revoo, “Scotch Doe (in ten drops).’” “I can’t see your dorter’s name nowhere,” I says, looking for Cissie ’Opkins. “That’s ’er,” she says, pointing, and I reads: “Another Guest —Miss Emantrude O’Donovan!”

- “Swank!” I says, and we goes into the theayter just as the orchestra were churning up. I ’ad put that bill under me eloke when no one weren’t looking, and I see “Drop One” were on the beach at Shrimpville. When the eurting went hup there wos a lot of young females in costooms as ud make any self-respecting ocean blush. WE SEE “CISSIE.” “Look,” says Mrs ’Opkins, “there’s our Cissie.” “Where,” I asks. “There,” she says, pointing with ’er umbrella, and causing annoyance to a party in front. “What, ’er?” I asks, surprised. “Wy, she’s got scarlit ’air. ’Ullo, ‘Cissie. “Ush,” says the party in front, turning round and scowling. .“But that one there is this lady’s dorter,” I explains, “ ’er name’s Cissie ’Opkins, reely, only she call’s ’erself “Will you ’ush?” says a intendent, coming up, so I ushes and watches the scene. I were very annoyed by a feller on the stage with a red nose, as would keep watching the girls and trying to look into their bathing machines. Well, we sees various scenes, with people acting comic and singing (in a manner of speaking), and so on. Cissie says: “Har! Har!” all by herself once. “Ain’t, she good?” says Mrs ’Opkins self ”

I says, “Yes” to ’umour ’er, thinking of the interval which in doo course derives, and Airs ’Opkins rises and says, “Come,” j^.steriously. BEHIND THE SCENES. Well, she leads me out straight past the bar, which I pointed hout to ’er, in ease she ’adn’t noticed, and down an alley at the side to the stage door. “I wishes to see Miss O’Donovan,” she says, as cool as you please, to the stage doorkeeper, and iCissie appears, ’aving bin waiting for hus. “I got permission for you to stand,” she. says, leading the way down a passage. “Wings!” She seemed to think we was fairies. Well, she brings us in a corner behind some skenery, and goes off, and suddenly I sees right in front of me that Nosey Parker feller with the red nose. “Wy,” I says, indignant, “there’s ■that feller, ’oo was spying on them girls. I’ll tell ’im off.” “Hi! you,” I says, advancing, “you ought ter be ashamed of .yourself, you hinterfering scoundrel ” and suddenly I finds a lot of lights on me, and, turning round, I sees all the audience, ’oo were larfing fit to bust. “Oooh, I beg parding,”' I says, fluetered. “I were just round ’ere to see Cissie ’Opkins ” and then I were shoved off and houtside the theayter before you could say John Robertson. Yew know, I think I’d make a ’it in Revoo.