THE SEVEN AGES OF "THE ROSES OF THE WORLD."

Thames Star, Volume IX, Issue 3058, 3 December 1878, Page 1

THE SEVEN AGES OF "THE ROSES OF THE WORLD."

•' Several years ago a gentleman of esthe- , tic tastes and highly phcwphorized brain, named Shakespeare, wrote some sublime comments ujioA "The' seven ages of man ;" but in no instance does he devote a single word, to even one age of women. Perhaps the complicated ages of the dear creatures*were as much a mystery to the " Bard of Avon " as they are now to other people; or may be folks in his day did not: care so much whether the gentler sex were young or old. * But, be that as it may. be* the different stages of development which attend our fair tormentors in advancing years shall no longer be a secret. First, we (collectively speaking) hare the baby. The architecture of this first diminutive age is 'somewhat similar'to that'of Shakespeare V.excepting in the way of noise. In this particular the female baby has no rival; and one of these fragile mortals can produce more of the above-mentioned commodity in a minute than a convention of f-jthorough-bred wire-pullers could gather in a week. It is estimated that if the.noi.se. which is manufactured by American female infants in one day could be conducted by telephone into a large reservoir— roraus v recopticus— enough could be derived to drive the north pole through the moan, or to move even the Xeely motor. 'Next comes the enfante terrible, with her ragbaby, mud pies and weeping nasal appendage. She is called the enfante terrible on account of an astonishing and disagreeable habit which she has of telling the truth on all occasions. This is very distressing, and especially: I so when visitors or -her sister's beaux are present, and she receives, more of that class of caresses which are technically styled /wallopings " for this offence than for all others combined. Yet a few ; years and we behold tie Miss, with her pinafore, braided hair and skirts, of brevity. Like the merry. turtle does she skip to school, ostensibly to study, but in reality to giggle, write covert notes and make sarcastic remarks in regard to the costumes ■of her companions. Ske it educating herself to successfully fijl her sphere in the next age, which is the young lady. Look upon her' as she stands before the mirror, .' practicing • her coquettish airs,' bewitching smiles and fascinating glances, and remember that all this is done that she may make miserable the lives of men. . As the hapless victim falls writhing at her feet, she drives the glittering hair-pin deep into- her glorious wealth of twentydollar hair, crushes a bleeding heart; as ruthlessly as her little brother crushes the miserable fly beneath his spelling-book, at school, and as the tortured wretch drag* his fractured remains away, her eyes cry out as. plainly as ever did the clarion tones of barber, "Next." But sometimes the -\ (Continued in Page 4 .)