SNOOPS' ELIXIR OF YOUTH.

Thames Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2999, 25 September 1878, Page 4

SNOOPS' ELIXIR OF YOUTH.

He was a little, dried up specimen of humanity, weighing probably ninety-five pounds. _ ■■■.■"■■■.• He was cross-eyed, his nose pointed around towards his left-ear, and his clothes looked as if they had been fitted to his form when he was about thirteen years of agei and hadn't been changed or washed, since. ' He came in briskly, helped himself to a chair, took a small package wrapped up in an old newspaper from his pocket, carefully unrolled it, displaying a pint bottle ornamented with a flaming yellow label. " There ! just look at that, will you ! " he exclaimed, holding the bottle up to the light and squinting in our direction with one eye, while the other was fastened on his property. We looked. "Do you know what that is! " he continued.

We acknowledged that we did not. " Well, sir; that bottle contains the most wonderful remedy that was ever brought to the notice of perishing mankind—Dr Snoops'Elixir of Youth, price $1 a bottle, or six bottles 1 for $5.. I am the sole and only agent for tbV United States, Canadas, South America, New Jersey, Van Dieman's Land and the Sandwich Islands.

" The man or woman that uses this Elixir regularly "will never grow old. A written guarantee to this effect is given away with every bottle. " It is, so to speak, a fountain of perpetual youth and health. " The inventor, Dr Snoops, is now just ono hundred and thirty-seven years old to a day, and he is, to all appearances, as young and fresh as a boy of sixteen. " He runs nine miles every morning before breakfast, and practices on the horizontal bar eleven hours each day.

"! Armed with a pint bottle, of that wonderful preparation, he plunges into tlie greatest dangers without the slightest fear. " Tlie accidents that the Elixir has carried the Doctor through in safety would fill a whole library. • "Once while Snoops .was travelling in the wilds of the West, he fell off a precipice three or four hundred feet high, fracturing his " skull and breaking his collar-bone in six places. " For a week he lay unconscious, but as soon as he came to and found out what was the matter, V. hauled forth his flask of Elixir, took one swig, and in less than uo time he was on his feet as sound as a trade dollar. • At another time he ran into a band of hostile Indians, and they went to work and shot him so full of holes that a fellow could see to read a newspaper through him without any trouble at all. I

"Under the circumstances some men would have kicked the bucket. But Snoops didn't. '■• The Elixir saved him.

" If one of the bullets hit the bottle, it would have been all. day with him, but fortunately it was untouched, and' the life-giving compound stood right up alongside of Snoops, and pulled him through. And then on another— "On another occasion Dr Snoops' mother-in-law sat down on a buzzsaw, and got split in two as slick and neat as could bo.

"Well the doctor picks up the Uvo halves, claps them together, pours half a bottle of the Elixir down the old lady, and in tiirec minutes by the thermometer she was up, bossing around the ranch as natural as ever.

" 1 tell you, Br Snoops' Elixir of youth is a 1% thing, and if you don'fr order half it dozen bottles you'll be sorry for it when the cholera morbus, or something of that sort, come3 swooping dowa ; on you with

its destroying breath and not a drop of the Elixir within reach. We arose and grasped the brassmounted villian by the coat collar, and he and his bottle of elixir struck the bottom stair simultaneously. If he ever comes back lie will need exactly four hogsheads of that elixir for his own personal use right away after we get through with him. That's business ! 1 W. S. G.—Puck.