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Thames Star, Volume VI, Issue 1787, 24 September 1874, Page 3

All the Difference: A thief running away isi a scamp, but the policeman's chase after him is a scamper. When a Western member <)f Congress recently alluded so feelingly to the " hayseed in his hair," and the "oats in his throat," why didn't he complete the dingnosis by speaking of the rye in his stomach ?

The PANBfIEY Boy.—That boy of Coville's has been in trouble again. He was playing in Mr. Coney's yard, next door, right after/ dinner, on Thursday.. He had Mr t. Coney's dog harnessed to a wash-boiler, and was driving up and down a cobble walk, when that lady came out with a finger in each ear, and told him he must clear out as she expected company at 2 o'clock, and his noise was altogether to much for the occasion. His obedience was more prompt! than she had any reason to expect, or ev«a to desire.; , In fact, he left at once, first giving the boiler a kick that nearly decapita'ed the dog at both ends. Mrs. Coney was obliged to unhitch the dog herself, which she did after considerable trouble in catching him. It appears that the-bell of Mrs, Coney's door is somewhat stiff in the> spring, and rather difficult to sound. This fact was well known to young Coville, and while Mrs. Coney was chasing the doj? the youthful miscreaut stole into the house, and with the help of a file fixed that door-bell so as j it would pull easy. At 2 o'clock promptly, I the pastor of Mrs. Coney's church came up on the steps of Mrs. Coney's house, and being aware that the bell-pull wanted considerable muscle, gave it a sharp twich, and immediately left the steps, head first, with the bell-knob clutched in his hand and 6ft. of the wire swinging above him. In the descent he split bis coat the whole length of the back, broke down the gate, completely ruined his hat, and seriously bruised both elbows. Mrs. Coney, who was looking through the blinds all the time, was very much shoked by the accident, but promptly led the gentldman into the house, and as ■ promptly dressed his wounds. An examination of bell the revealed that it had been trifled with, and Mrs. Coney; was quite confident Coville's boy had done it, she reported it to Mr. Coville that she actually heard him say he would " fix that bell." The autumn term of- school commenced yesterday, but Coville's doy was not there.—Amerk an paper. An EDrroa's Beeeavemrnt.—The following touching lament for a deceased wife, from a disconsolate; editor of a Missouri paper, appears in the columns of that journal :—Thus my wife died. No more will those loving hands pull off my boots and part my back hair as only a wife can. JN ror will those willing feet replenish the coal hood or water pail. No more will she arise amid the tempestuous storms of winter and hie away to the fire without, disturbing the slumbers of the man. who doted on her so artlessly. Her memory is embalmed upon my heart of hearts. I wanted to embalm her dody, but found I could embalm her memory cheaper. I procured of Eli Mudget, a neighbour of mine, a very pretty gravestone. His wife was consumptive, and he had kept it in hand several years in auticipation of her death But she rallied last spring, and his hopes were blasted. Never shall I forget the poor man's grief when I asked him to part with it. " Take it, Skinner," he! hoarsely wispered,' " and may you never know what it is to have your sonl disappointed as nine has been;" and he burst into a flood of tears. His spirit was, indeed, utterly broken. I had the following epitaph engraved upon the tomb-. . stone :—" To the memory of Tabitha, wife of Moses Skinner, Esq., gentlemanly editor of the 'Tr«mbone.' Terms, three dollars a year, invariably in advance. A kind mother and an exemplary wife. Office over Coleman's grocery,,up two flight of of stairs. Knock liara. We shall miss thee, mother; we shall miss thee. Job printing solicited." Thus, like Rachel weeping for her children, did my lacerated spirit cry out in agony. But one ray of light penetrated the despair of my soul. The undertaker took his pay in job printing, and the sexten owed me a little account I should not have gotten any other way. Why should we pine at mysterious ways of Providence and; vicinity (not a conundrum) ?

'.' Exotic English.—Fifty yeaw ago, " Here they ..spike the English ! " was an announcement to bo seen in many a Parisian shop window.: Plow they did r " spiko" it may be guessed from the manner in which they .wrote it, sundry specimens of the Gallic-English current in Paris in -1822 being preserved in the pages of the Mirror" of that year. M. Oliver, the Houdin of the day, promised, in his bills, to perform "an infinity of legerdemains worthy to excite the curiosity of: spectators;" such as, " the cut and burnt handkerchieves who shall take up their primitive forms, the watch thrown *tnailed agaigstthe wall by a pistol-shot, the enchantecP glass wine, the handsome Elisina in her trunck ;" and some." low automatoms who will dance up on a rope and sail do the most dificul tricks ;" concluding with a pantasnaagory disposed in a manner as :not; to frighten:; the Jadies; At a restaurant in the Palais-Koyal, " Macaroni not baked sooner ready " was to be obtained ; and a hairdresser in the Etie St. Honor sought to attract the wandering Briton by proclaiming, " Hear to cut off hare in English fashion." The proprietor of the Montesquieu Baths issued a card notifying all it might concern, " As for the brothes, hquid or any breakfast, and, in, one.word| all otb.er. things rev latives tb the service "of the the 1 Persons will be "so good as to direct them■elves to the seryant bathers, vr!owill satisfy them with; the greatest attention." -4Chamberß's Journal.

The other day an old lady rushed into the garden in search of her daughter, on being told that the young lady had gone there with a rake.

A TntfE Fbiknd.—Humble Host—l suppose you find swftll society very delightful, don'fcyou, top sawyer ? Gorgeous Guest—l believe y'er, my boy ! Why, last night at dinner now, there was I with, a 3?aronot's lady on one side, and a Dowager Viscountess on the other, and a Lord Alfred sitting just opposite, and everything else to match. But, lor' bless you, I'm quite content tocome and dine with you, dear^bld;sboy, and drink your half* Grown sherry J (Helps himself to another glass.)