“I WANT TO LEND A HAND”

Timaru Herald, Volume CXLVII, Issue 21529, 16 December 1939, Page 15

“I WANT TO LEND A HAND”

THE CHIEF SCOUT IN GOOD HEALTH It is now known that the Chief Scout, Lord Baden-Powell of Gilwell, who is in Kenya, wrote to the Deputy Chief Scout, Lord Somers, immediately on the outbreak of war and offered to come home to “lend a hand.” His health continues to make excellent progress and he is certainly enjoying the mild climate of Nyeri. Lord Somers replied to say that, much as every Scout in Great Britain would welcome the Chief’s return, the success of the medical treatment he is undergoing is of the first importance and he urged him not to attempt the journey. Keen Interest in Scout War Service For the time being the combined efforts of Lord Somers, Lady BadenPowell and the Chief Scout’s doctors have succeeded in keeping him in Kenya. He is following with the closest interest the many wartime activities of Scouts. The only member of the Chief Scout’s family in England is his eldest daughter, the Hon. Heather BadenPowell. who is serving with the Auxiliary Territorial Service. CANADIAN SCOUT WAR SERVICE In ready fulfilment of the offer of their services by Sir Edward Beatty, President of the Boy Scouts’ Association. and prompt acceptance by the Prime Minister, the 100,000 Boy Scouts and Scouters of ‘ Canada are carrying out their obligation by rendering every possible non-military w-ar-time home service. CANADIAN SEA SCOUT CRUISING A record summer of long distance cruising by Canadian Sea Scouts this year has been announced. It includes two 1,000-mile trips from Montreal to the New York World’s Fair by the Scout yawl Jellicoe and the auxiliary whaler Cutty Sark. Quebec City Sea Scouts also completed a nine-days’ cruise of the Gulf of St. Lawrence in the Curlew, and Vancouver Scouts did a two-weeks’ cruise of the Gulf of Georgia in their sailing lifeboat Sea Lion. The visit of the Montreal Sea Scouts to New York was returned by 14 American Sea Scouts in their boat, The Flying Dutchman. The Sea Scouts of Toronto and Oshawa also did considerable cruising about Lake Ontario. Expensive Extravagant Wife (glancing over due bills): Dear me! Long-suffering Husband: I quite agree with you. That Explains It “Hallo, got a dog, I see; thought you didn’t like dogs?” “I don't, but my wife picked up a lot of cheap dog biscuits at a bargain sale.” Doubtful Village Shopkeeper (to customer)): Well, that’s three hot-water bottles, two dozen lemons, and a large tin of bath mustard. I’ll send them right away. All well at home, sir? Sad Case Room Mate: You look broken up. What’s the matter? Student: I wrote home for money for a study lamp. So? They sent me a lamp A Round Order A stout actor was late for rehearsal one morning, and the producer was annoyed. He said : i “Does anyone know where Blank is?” “Yes,” said one of Blank’s friends. “He's gone to the tailor to be measured ; for a suit.” “Measured?” shouted the producer. “You mean surveyed, don’t you?”

Self-starter “My wife is very irritable; the least little thing sets her off.” “You’re lucky. Mine's a self-starter.” Not Certified Lady: And how old is your new baby brother? Jackie: I don’t know. He only came to us yesterday. Perpetual Youth Erica: Don’t you think I am getting younger every day? Elsa: Yes, I should never be surprised to see your name among the list of births. Why Worry? Betty: Daddy, why do you have to go to work? Daddy To earn money. Betty: Why do you want money? Daddy: To buy you things to eat. Betty: Come along, Daddy. You can play now. I am not hungry now. Fashions in Golf “How’s your daughter's golf?” asked one grand dame of another. “She says she is going around in less and less every week.” “I don’t doubt that. I asked about her golf.” Why Bring That Up? The teacher was trying to boost the sale of her photographs of the class. "Now, children,” she said, “just imagine how you’ll enjoy looking at this photograph when you grow up. As you look at it you'll say to yourselves, | ‘There’s Jeannie, she’s a nurse; and there’s Tom, he’s an M.P.; and “And there's teacher; she’s dead,” came a voice from the middle of the class. Not Cricket The match was about to start, and the captains were inspecting the ground. “I don’t like it,” said the visiting captain. “Don’t like what?” asked the home skipper. The ground,” replied the other. “There’s hardly a blade of grass to be seen.” “Well, you didn’t come here to graze, did you?” Superfluous Two old settlers, confirmed bachelors, sat in the backwoods. The conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got one o’ them there cookery books once, but I never could do ; nothing with it,” said one. | “Too much fancy work in it?” asked the other. “You’ve hit it. Every one of them recipes began in the the same way. 'Take a clean dish ’ and that settled me.” Too Much Noise Brown and Jones had been dining extremely well at the club, and were returning home in the small hours of the morning. Said Brown to Jones: I shay, before you go jusht come in and have a parting drink. If we go in quietly we won't wake the wife. The two crept in on tip-toe. but when inside the door Jones crashed into the hall table, and Brown knocked over a chair. Jones looked at Brown in horror, and whispered: We must be quiet or we’ll wake the wife. “Oh. that’s all right,” replied Brown. “She'll never hear with all this noise going on.” Doubtful Honour Sambo wanted to be a junk dealer, but he had no money. He therefore went to the village banker to see if he could borrow some capital to start in business. The banker listened to the negro’s case, and heard that he required 100 dollars. “But don't you think you could manage on less than that?” asked the banker. - “No suh,” replied Sambo. “A horse and waggon would cost mos’ of dat.” “Well, I must have some guarantee for the money, you know. What can you offer?” Sambo thought for a minute. “Well, suh, Ah could have youah name painted on the waggon.”