Looks Bad

Timaru Herald, Volume CXLIII, Issue 20930, 8 January 1938, Page 17

Looks Bad

Indignant Wife: Just like you and your lack of intelligence! Simply because you feel too warm, you would go and choose to take off your overcoat outside the door of a pawnbroker’s shop when everyone is looking! “Reveille” A crash of glass and a thunderclap As a door slammed and the house quivered; A clatter of hoofs, a loud “giddap”— Our bottle of milk has been delivered. Habit Flossie: “You’ll never catch me going out to dinner with an editor again.” Roberts: “Was he broke?” Flossie: “I don’t know whether he was broke or not, but he put a blue pencil through about half of my order.” Their Jobs Mrs Brown: “Does your ’usband work, Mrs Briggs?” Mrs Briggs: "Oh, yes. He sells balloons when there is a procession in town. What does your ’usband do?” Mrs Brown: “My ’usband sells smoked glasses when there is an eclipse of the sun.” Economy Jones: I say, waiter, here’s half a crown. Waiter: Thank you, sir. I suppose you want me to reserve a table for you? Jones: No, I don’t. I shall come in here about ten minutes’ time with two ladies, and I want you to tell me that all the tables are engaged.

Two of a Kind Grandma was helping Peggy make out a list of little guests for her party"How about the Morton twins?” Grandma asked. “Well, there’s no need to ask them both,” Peggy answered; “they’re ’zactly alike.” A Large Order Mum sends little Willie to the grocer’s at the busiest hour of the day with the following note: “Please buy these tickets for our party; and please give Willie an empty box, a piece of wrapping paper, and some string; also sell him a stamp—and will you weigh Willie on your scales?”

I’ll Say “Has the advent of radio helped ranch life?” asked the English visitor. “I’ll say it has!” replied the cowboy. “Why, we learn a new cowboy song every night, and say—we’ve found out that the dialect us fellers have used for years is all wrong.” Dated The orderly officer received a complaint about the issued of bread. “Soldiers should not make a fuss about trivialities, my man,” he said. “If Napoleon had had that bread when he was crossing the Alps, he’d have eaten it with delight.” “Yes, sir,” said the lance-corporal, “but it was fresh then.”