SCHOOL HUMOUR

Timaru Herald, Volume CXLIII, Issue 20926, 4 January 1938, Page 14

SCHOOL HUMOUR

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SHYLOCK WAS A “FAIRY” “Auckland is the largest city in New Zealand, and has over 3000 shops and motor cars running here and there. I do not like living in Auckland because there is too much noise and there are too many motor cars, tramcars and motor buses about, and they knock lots of people down so they have to be taken to the hospital.”

This is the effort of a schoolboy of the Correspondence School, conducted by the New Zealand Education Department. His views suggest that he may have gathered his impressions from letters to the editor which appear in newspaper correspondence columns daily. The Department publishes an annual magazine. “The Postman.” and devotes a page to "school humour.” from which extracts are taken as follows: Magistrates are men who take on serious crimes. An antiquarian is a place where fish are kept. A bird in the bush is worth two in the town. The Marine Department is at present surveying the cost of New Zealand. The female of he-goat is anniegoat. The female of peacock is hencock. The boy was carefully trained. One day he grew up and became a night. When bookworms get into books they do a great deal of damage. A brown study means a picture coloured in different shades of brown. Stationery’ means articles sold by a stationmaster. “Bruited abroad” means bullied away from home. Thackeray lost a great portion of his fortune through gamboling. The French Revolution was caused when the pheasants broke out. into revolt. Wasted His Money James I. was not a good King because he drank at night and wasted money. John Bunyan continued on his evil way and married. He became reformed. Mary Tudor was unpopular because the English didn’t like a foreigner sitting on the Crown. William the Conqueror built new stone churches to strengthen the bishops in dealing with the drunken and wicket priests. The Divine Right of Kings meant that the Kings had power to rule as they pleased. The British people thought the colonists were going too far when they dressed up as Indians and had

the Boston tea party. Why did the Pilgrim Fathers leave England? Having lived in England for so long they thought that a sea voyage would do them no harm. Commander Byrd called at New Zealand on his way to the South Pcle. He had two ships laden with food, sheets, pillow-cases, razors, sledges, dogs and two aeroplanes. I think it was wrong for inland tow’ns to pay ship money to King Charles I. because they did no; use the ships. They supplied aeroplanes and trains, so I do not think they should have paid ship money. The health of New Zealand is guarded by the International Affairs Department. Hermia was a heroine in A Midsummer Night s Dream." Puck was an echo. I am not sure whether to bring this answer to a decimal or to leave it as a fracture. Clever Doctors An anachronism is something occurring out of date—for example, gomg grey at twenty years of age. The Captain had an apologetic fit, and Dr. Liversey said he would have to stay in bed for a week. When in London we set out to see Windsor Castle, and, getting on the wrong track, we arrived at Scotland Yard. I do not know who Walt Disney was, but I think he was an architect who designed the legs of the daddy-long-legs. Contrast Tudor doctors with those of to-day. To-day doctors perform operations and take what’s causing the trouble out and put another one in its place. Question: Why is the following sentence incorrect? Either of the three buckets will do. Answer: Either cannot be used for more than two things. You should I say “Neither of the three buckets will do ” I Shylock was a fairy that helped a | man and his daughter after they were i wrecked on an island. Shylock had ! been locked up by the witch, but she died leaving her son, who Shy lock teased.