“LAUGH WITH ME.”

Timaru Herald, Volume CXXIII, 30 April 1927, Page 11

“LAUGH WITH ME.”

HUMOROUS SELECTIONS. (By George Mozart, the Celebrated Comedian.) Hortcnse: Hi' father lives on Ins rC Daphne: My father lives in his. * * * “Your guest didn’t stay long. _ “No; she begged me to treat her as one of the family.” # “He says he moves in the highest society; what is lie? ~ “A West End furniture removei. v <* * Moses: Vat! You don’t like the coat you bought. Vy, it’s all wool Customer: Wool I I knew Id been fleeced! * * Dougal (in steerage during storm) : Hoots, moil, ye’ll soon be better. Made: It’s uae the sickness 1 mind, but it’s tho awfu’ waste. a » **’ He ■ I alwavs keep mv gloves on when I go to*bed; 1 find it keeps my hands soft. , , ~ 9 She: Do you keep your hat on < * * *• Examiner: You know, of couise, what the Royal Mint is? Gladys: Oh, yes, the mint that s put on the* King’s new potatoes. * ** She: How on earth did you manage to get a situation at the bank. liecause the manager knew you? He: No, sunp'y because he didn t. Wife (tragically) : The time has come when you must agree to part. Husband: That’s all I’ve been doing for the past ten years.

First diner: Waiter! Fried sole, diner: Waiter! Fried solefresh mind! , . ~ . „ Waiter (down speaking tube) : two fried soles —one lresli please!

I jf prizes were awarded lor thrift, sa>s j a writer, you will find that u omen would win them. And I’m sure that the first prize would go to the widow r of a profcsional man of whoso uondcuful trift I heard recently. She gave the undertaker her husband’s doorplate to put on his coffin.

Honeymoons, says a magazine writer, seem to be becoming less popular. i^ crimps people are 'earning earlier than ot yore the answer to that nttle riddle: “What is the difference between a honeycomb and a honeymoon? Well, the honeycomb is made up of a number of little cells. The honeymoon is one very big sell.

Hostess. And does your mother allow you to take two pieces of cake at home, Tommy P Tommy (who has asked for a second helping) : No. ■ Hostess: Well, do you think she would like you to have two pieces here ? Tommy: Oh! she wouldn’t care. This ain’t her cake, anyway, you know.