WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XCIV, Issue 14476, 24 June 1911, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Micaoscopio. Mary lx)ui(Ut a bathing suit, And it was striking, very; .While in the sli?p 'twas pretty OUVt,, 'Xwua out of siKUt on Murjl PICXDIUiS OF I.OVB. My Jiclla is a chnrimnß in aid, Ouo oi the l'uii'ct/t of earth'* crtnturw Brown eyes, brown hu.r, u trifle staid,' Well oil and -with attractive features, She is u thin a; without a taint; t r , 0IU ; , in iny i»t 'it honey Is that she think» she can paints It's very funny. Truth is an attribute I prize; Jsut in tho process of wooing, When she displays to my shocked mm feouiv dreadtul daub sbo wns doing, wurmJ y <"1 «'« spot; r f ca " L 'd it great, but meant to flatter It was ( a ho. but I did not Think it would matter. thc ?' But cver "'ice w„fl i Id . ou, '. love emotion I Fate lms inspired her to evince tlon rCa " depth of her devoW A!',^ t r ,)ot . c:nnds ° f Bit7cv > eoid. But n'iSiJ 1- r; on nn umbne-ll'tt— But, awful to behold; O, Arabella I ' THE ALLEGED HUMORISTS. -4'k2!? ea . vo th ' black eye, .Tim,?" fer it.» y 70 t' me. I had t' fight ! I am DI L3?- eior: " X oft «« wonder it tet yon™ n k™ WUCh you ' re "wkia'a; petmle t * Cayenne, "If milch, ° r ,t tllWo "•° ul<ll ' o a -oouidlr t " tell ™^b^tTt7:' )u ' s"yew -!° ,3la V ou C " W W» short storyj» 5 a'* Jobnnv hand**? -i ''^wtor teacher." ix, - ys •' ,l 'ova, our FJ-er once, g^Zy^ i'' "? , ' n <l:e« disappointed when I - '" Y « linnt fnture far - Wlyooi haven t forgotten in all thpt time. <• i ar .? OUr Pl<? ' l ; s dead." " 4 ?,:■Y 1S " ~ " Wll i't <l'd he leave P" m v 7 y '° never lieard of." , <v ,! 1 s "r'. professional man?" . ' R«t I thought he followed the automobile racing?" '= He does. Ho £ a doctor.

"I'vo took tho pledge. Bill. I'm iiovcr coin to touch another drop na wn B as I live." "Oh, well, chear upl ■Slaybe ye won't lira long." P r , I don't know where to put my butlunjr mnt to Jceep it until tho season opens!" , " Why don't ybu • J'tt In your stamp boxr" R'HP" W f.°r y<m t ' l ' s , opera, +i,'i I - en , n t H'ld'-istaud what v ' s " ylnc - "That'» all right , ion ainfc missing no jokes." tt!' 'lon 3 *,' troubled by tho Black Hnjid. asked one New Worker. "Pi». 'liioiitly replied the other; "every tirno I fill a fountain pen." *"*7 JJoctor—Tuko this medioine aftor oacli moiil. Patient—But my meals T^YT^' lar > Doctor—Well, take it before each meal. Do you mean to say that you marriwl for money ?" "In a way I did. I lint married because I couldn't afford to ftT-ay engaged any lonfior." ' 'it took that racing automobile twenty minutes ti> pais this hoiuJO." Impossible," '-Fact. 1 could hear it ten minutes before it -<>t J lore un( J J. cyuld smell it ten mimites after it passed." l'.air Critic—Oh, Mr. Smear, tho«« ostriches over tliero are simply - perfacti lou should never paint anything else but birds. Artist (sadly)— Those are wit ostriches, madam. They are angels. .

I rofessor Tho result of our investi- , «»t!on,s tor the past half-hour ifi thai man has freedom of will. I regret that i can not continue the subject to-day, wife ° lO C ° * vit k mj

ur* somo conundrum#." Conundrums'? Why, I don't-lcnotr eojiuudnums, my son." "Oh ves f l>eard nwtlier toll * ~ -ry, tlie other day tiiat you kcco her most of the time." "A man is very absurd when ho proposes, said Mrs. Flimgilt. ■ "I don't M'P liow w» keep from lanrfMne." "I siippi.-se replied Mies Cnyenne, "that uf us would laugh if we didn't aumtie Jus eourapjo," "Don't you suppose," said a mem- '' iwlicii furen, "that a, poliroinau knows a. roprue when he «,«, liim?" •'h »'> s ,«ie reply: "but th« iKiuble is that he- does not seize a rouu* wiien he knows him,"

''Did you cast your voto, anntv'" 'Oil. yps! Isn't it prniHl ? A real met' fiL'iitleniiin w-:th n. beautiful imm. i n /i "l i-" 1 y-'Htiw sna}s marked my , ball,it lor me. I luhmv I should ]iav» marked it myself, but it eoonied to piojiKP. him greatly. *' have kept my nose to til* jrnmUtfliift, Sfiropta./' S poko lior litisnnnd, nerving JiimKelf to say something sit las:, ior lift-con ycmu's," k, i'vs <h>m» more? than that. Volnov," snapped * rs • turn < ho >£rinri.stoii&."

j) i 1 "V ca ; ivt - H°inaps. had a catapult that could hurl rocks more than a m?/ « I understand it, M "\Miat . " "My hindlord told, mo tbfe h«us t . was a- stomas t?iro»p from th« <l<?poL Ho must Jiave had it on hi* the of t]»o Caesars. '! We have oomo, sir/' K.iid t-h« utility man to tlio ebogf mtimigof* "to ".sir- that a lifirf.uiti of the part played h.v Mr. .Kroun l>e one out/ 5 "\Vhiclj lj4;i*t:oi\ ?** " Tl>o <v*<v wn<»rr» ho T»or« rf)\\K Jivo dollars from the d. : SKnij»b«J duJ;o. fj-.vry time Ik* think* one ».i tj# has any money, h<? calls a rehear#:!!." ' " Ho has about rho ctfranprst wajlc 1 have over seen." "V«s. You pit* hj« wa- fx> a jnrl who w0,,, g, hol.'M,- ami ju-t \vh<>n K» had <_rot I!'• could keen mom with her 7h« Uiitw hiii! d.'Mvn. and now h;> ■ * ,u----ya:.'i'd t « ■■ '. r! uho wears a huivn 1 ° ivui-f to UmrU to ke.'i> 6tep wivh her. ,,