WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14325, 15 October 1910, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

A.N ERJIANT CUPID. Dan Cup : d, once upon a time, decided lie would strike; "Tin's work," cneu he, "is killing me I I'm thinner than a pike! I think I'll tnko a holiday in laud* across the sou, Where such a tiling as love's unknown and there's no need for mo." His suit-ease Cupid quickly packed, liifl golf-clubs strapped Up tight; Of sporting togs he nothing lacked to do the thing just right; Then ordering an aeroplane, ho gaily sailed away; What reckless plans were in his mind, one scarce would dare to say. He travelled over sea and land, It's clothes wove all worn out, His dainty cheeks were burned and tanned, his mind was filled with doubt; He found that men as well as maids, although he thought it slow, Still played the pood old game of loyft wherever he might go. And so at hist he wandered home, a niost dejected sight; A sadder and wiser boy had never seen the light. "In future I shall stay right, here," he said, "and .sharpen darts; For I can never dodge hit job—the world is full of hearts!" Ruth Colton. THE GREEN YOUNG MAN. A stranger entered a public-house iu a. northern town the otner day and, utter imbibing a weak drink, he said to the proprietor: ."1 want to wait here .for a Sea. minutes for a, man who borrowed some money off me." He was motioned to a chair, and when an hour passed away he'was asked: "Are you a stranger here?" "Vos, sir." "Did you lend the money to a stranger?" "1 did." "How much?" "Tea shillings." "He said he an arcoimt *w pay, and couldn't got into the hank. He gars uici this cheque to hold as security, baid he meet me here at elevta o clock. i " I Y y , , I ' rieild > J'"" have been bamboozled. "j\*u.", "Yes, you have. That is a very old dodge. J.ho cheque is worthless, and you it never see the man again." i', ~I c " m,t believe that. ll# looked honest and talked straight " "bo they all do. Sorry for you; but you must read the papers." "I say, I don't pretend to 1* awiuly smart, but I'll bet the chap was honest." "Yon will? What'U vou bet?" An even sovereign. Ido honestly iielieve he wilL ™ me hero by eleven o clock and pay the money." Ibe bet was taken, the money staked, and the groenkorn sat down to wait. At five minutes to eleven a man earner in handed Jiim 10s, expressed his thanks, took the cheque, and placed it in his own pocket. "I told you he was honest," said the greenhorn, as ho held out his hand for the money. ■ . . • It was handed orer: but half an hour later, rafter much serious thought the losw suddenly sla-ppsd his leg, and exclaimed : • . "I see through it now! They wore pala, or course."

COMMENDABLE INTUITION. !• , "$ lT <" began a youthful suitor, "I ;. shall occupy only a few moments of -; your time. I have come to ask you ! lor your (laughter. I " •'Voun^ I man," said the father, "do you- " "Yes, sir, I realise fully that slio lias ■Been tenderly nurtured and is very dear to you, aLso that her home is one attordiiig every luxury. J3ut she is \yidmg to leave it." "Can vou " "No. sir, I cannot maintain li'or in tlie style she has been accustomed, Init 1 have got a good salary imd am ready toehance it. So is she." '-Will you - "Yes, sir, I will insure my life for a sum sufficient to provide for her if I should be taken nimv." "Would you;—„■> "JVcj. sir, J should not expect to live with the family. I am able to buy and furnish a modest home lor tor. "Young man." said the parent, looking at his watch, "I rather like your stylo. You can liavo her Good »» "Morning, eirt" THE NATURAL WAY. A Southern gentleman recently at a bauquet in Washington related the ollowmg story about a certain philanthropist he knows at home. He s-aid: , V. Jy \ ncnd JlCi,r ' l once of a family Unit was reported in destitute •imunsti.iK.-es, and, calling ilt their niniie, he iouud the report true. The iamily consisted of mother, a son about lilteccii years old, and. three young (h.ldren. After hearing the mothers story, he gave tlie oldest son a liright silver dollar, saying- " 'Here my lad, take t'his'dollar and get a turkey for the Christmas dinner.' •Ao sooner was ho gone when the mother said in a stern voice to her son : " 'Hoar, Jackson, you done gib me dat dollar, and go git dut turkey in de nachral way.' " Dealer: "We have everything f or autornobihng." Stella: "Well, I want' a. fiance who owns one." Mrs Kniokcr: "Does Bridget sins at her work?" Mrs lirocker: "Yes; but she doesn'.t work enough to annoy u8 " He: "It's absolutely useless to argue lurthor. You ought to know that. My will is of iron." She: "Yea, I know—pig iron." Bobbins: "I didn't think you iiij£ Miy idea of marrying tho 'widow.* Nowlywcd: "I hadn't; it was an idea of hers. _ "That's a quaint ring you are wearing. Is it an heirloom?" "Well, it dates from the conquest 1" "Can ho sing nicely?" «Wel!. n» Offered to smg the baby to filoep th« other night, and his wife said, 'No* let her keep on crying!'" Mike was only recently made foreman, but he knew the respect duo to ins rank. "Finnejrnn," he said to an argumentative assistant, "I'll hare nawthhie out of you, but silence—ana Mighty little of that." ".Tobson, T do believe that if Ton were given the choice between me and your pipe you would hesitate." "That is whore you make a mistake, Mrs iTobs-Mi,. A pipe poothes and oonrfbrt» a nmn in his old ape." ■ ''Would you advise mo to pro into t>oliti(?» " 'Voiui'.; man," ■■ '"wfinj-l the Sr>nafor. "tlia fu-1, Hint vou ore ro nitxlpst as to f.aV advice itnout -!t proves that you ai-.-- r.t.flt for the work." j Slia: "Oil, JTeiifv.' lii.'it fo'.v acorns t-,' : m fiomtTiij; awful fasti" TTem-y: "Er 1 —-yi?o", .I'm ri.lVnid she ]m lost hW coif - and—" She: "Well po.n't vou do j ? flfoßthlng to nuvke her aeo. wm m'M», \1k n