Wit and Humour.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14274, 13 August 1910, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

"Can he play poker?"' *'l guess so nobody seems to want to piav vritK him." . Tommy, aged six, who lias just been I ptnnshed by his father; "Mamma. I (ion t believe I cau stand vour irasj band much longer " j The world is getiing better. There seems to be an jjicreasmg determination to make the other fellow do what is right. -> I A t, ■ ... -Ur Sampson: Jkljs razor is infernally blunt! :5 Mrs Sampson: "So I thought yhen I was cutting some cardboard with it yesterday." Mrs Baxter: "I am getting stouter all the time." Baxter:""Yes: when I Kot- married I little realised that I was i£.'--U'.uji a wife on the instalment plan." A "emiemar. a lace collar to the object cf bis adoration, and in. a jocular way said: "Do not let anyone else rumple it." "Xo. dear." said the lady; "I will take it off." "Have you,"' asked the hid;.ie or a recently convicted man, "anything to "iter th.? Court before sentence" is pa r .-ec!r'' "Xo. your Honor." replied the prisoner: "my lawyer "took mv hist farthing." C.uintry Drummer (with cigars)* I anion me: have you a match?" Vill- • '-e joafer (tentatively): Yaas. but I .:anct mi Country Drummer: I (.;:od: in that case you won't need the match! __ Fred: "There seems to be a lot more in-s. made of Mi-s A-'s sinking than M:-s k's. and I. am stir? Miss K has by iar the richer voice.-' Jack: "Ah, yes: but Miss A. has bv far the richer lather." ") "nr face is nice and clean. Bobby, ~aid the Sunday-school teacher; "!.;;t your hands are horribly dirty. *'*,'!"" ' r S' r <n 'd y'JU Pet them like that?" "Wa-diin' me face, miss. That's "what done it." L;ly (looking at paper): "What ab•s;|td thaejs these fasiucn plates_are!" l-'.i.sie: "Why. dear?" Liiy: "Ihere'a a pe-ture of two splendidly dressed women walking in opposite directions and neither ;s looking round at the other to see what she's got on!" ONE PROVERB SHORT. I'vejiever tried to cross a bridge until I came to it; I've always promptly donned the coat whenever it would fit. I know r'.:e fin.-si feathers make the very lines: birds. And that my actions ofte'.i speak mueH louder than my words. Fve never tried to kill the geese that And always Jiang my ideal on the very highest peg. 'Tis better to be wise than rich", already this I know. And that my shadow follows me whereever J may go. . I cannot from its color iti*3ge how fat-' a - ill jump: ~ ,'; I will'not .-.•;•-] the pitcher once too I often to {he s'v.jvn;. ii know that Lre.-.t: calamities do | shadow* east be'fore: I will not wait and lest:" mv horse bej fore 1 lock the dour. ' ; I o.uit. a;-.-.-.ri-,-.::'..> the fact a stitch in | time .-ares nine : .'And thai although it's cloudy here, ■ ;he :-uu <1 .th •,.-.r.i-.-whr-re shine. ii also_ .bah i.-;:> ve its true, it never : Ihr.t ! sheiiid '-:eeo my o H'ii dooryard .I ve luvr-i- -:n:,:,-.! -t-- 0 ;:ble. as it never ) tron'.ie- n:c : j'J hat there are 'tween cups and ;I know thai ir- u vSil iiidite me bv the j company 1 keeo: " '" whatM-v.r I vhall sow that will jVhen i\.-i- .. :e t;.,. wit :"s cut. thic 1 proverb do I tea-h: lAs honesty : ;, :v r aiicy. I practice | what T pr-ch. j I've never r.j'.ed away from home, | tnereiore t ve withered moss. | And as -o- !,;hh!: ? atiajes. I' m never | at a less .To find on- t;..,i r ,;)i , ho easo . bui ; : somehow I can't pJiraie ;A >mv,,!, i.. e,,,-i, : ,.,- lhe bcss i]lat j should r.-r a raise, i —'TTarper's A'.'eekiv.'