Wit and Humour.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 14238, 2 July 1910, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

Mistress (hiring servant) r hop© you know y<Jur piaoo?" Servant: "Oh. I^ 1 5516 Birf® you had told me all about it." Little Elvira—"Mamma, when the fare goes out where does it go?" Mrs t>aylord—"l don't know, dear. You iiugho just as well ask where arour lather goes when he goes oat. 3 * Minister: *'So yon going to school now, axe you. Bobby?" Bobbr (aged six): "Yes, sir." iEnister"SpeU kitten for n»." Bobbv: "Oh I'm further advanced thaji "*£<»». fry me on cat." . "^ ou hare made a..name for .yourself m architecture," ias triend said. ' Yes," agreed the snooeesfnl selfmade roan, proudly, "if I do say it myself I am an architect -witH »" K e B."

Captain (to man at the wheel) —" Another pfint a-port, Quaxteniiaßteffv' Lady Passenger—"How shocking! I must get- tliat, captain to sign the pledge; that is the third pint of port lie has called for witfiin tfce past ten minutes! Ho w the*, csptain do drink!"

Tn Judge Gaynor'.* early davs on the lteneh. a prisoner's connsetf said, in the-couree of his speech : Medical witnesses testify that my unfortunate client is suffering from Kleptomania, and. your Honour, yon know what that ii?" "Yee." said Judge Gayncr. 4< T do. It is a, disease the people pay me to cure."

X SUMMERICYCLE. ? A boat and a beech ud • summer resort, A man and a maid and a moon; Soft and sweet nothings and tbmn *t the real Psychologic*]' moment a spoon. A whisper, a. promise, is o'er. And they part in hysteric despair '(But tieither'returns in the following June. For fear the other is there). SLOW IX THE UPTAKE. In one town towards the South of England 1 was giving a sketch (writes 3ir Geo. Grossmith, in. "Piano and 1," the title vi a. collection of reminiscences), and among the items was a goodnatured dig at the then prevailing fashion of young men in immaculate evening dress writing their engagements at a reception, on their shirt cuffs. | If a lady said to one of these gentlemen, 'Oh, so pleased to see you; do ! dine with us next Thursday," ha ' would reply, "Charmed!" and wrote it ! down oil his linen. Thinking that 1 would chaff this little folly, 1 said:— ""I knew a v-oung Johnny who was ■ most systemr«ec. You won't* bo able I to see this joke, but I assure tou this young man was very systematic, and ' copied his shirt cuff invitations into » . regular engagement book at the end l of a i'ortjiight. See?" Some, of the atuSeuce would prv- « tend to see, then 1 addressed them again—- "•] think tou don't see," and on I went. An old gentleman awaited me at the artists' door, and said. "About that shirt-ouff joke, were yon trying to make fools of us all or what?" I replied, "You don't mean to tell me you didn't see tlie point?" He said almost violently, "No, noi anyone else, so explain it." I said, in mv most expianatoiy manner. "Tile point is, being a systematic young man, at the end of the fortnight he copied them into a book, -because He was sending liis shirt to tite wash." "Oh!" .said the old gantlamaw you didn't Mf that."