"THE MEDIOCRATS."

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIC, Issue 13992, 30 August 1909, Page 3

"THE MEDIOCRATS."

REMARKABLE MIDDLE-CLASS CLUB.

(By S. K. Littlewood.)

H it be true, as Lord Curzou lias so recently assured us, that we live i n ! '' l a p °f pessimism, perhaps there is all the more reason why just now some reassuring facts should be brought to light about an institution that does unmixed honour to our national temperament and our national solidarity, it is, in brief, a club—one of quite surprisingly large dimensions—in which the present writer, happens to enjoy the privilege of life-membership. J Although hitherto this remarkable I club lias been organised with consider- | able secrecy, it has already established liirgc, flourishing branches not only in the London suburbs, but in every provincial- town of importance,- and also in Colonial centres. Our style and title >s " The Mediocrats," and our aim may !>e expressed in a sentence as the promotion, by every means within our members' power, of the great principle of mediocrity. Our password is "Middle''; our "Medio tutissimus ibis'." hi the magic, significance of this simple sentiment we enjoy each other's unswerving esteem and confidence. Thus, for an ordinary member, it is desirable that he should be middle-aged. It is absolutely esential that lie should belong to the .middle-classes, and that his abilities should be, frankly and unashamedly, of the mediocre order. THE FEMININE QUESTION. Accordingly, any suggestion of brilliance, of originality, or of especial talent in any particular direction, is immcdately brought before the local committee, by whom the offence is severely reprimanded. On the second occasion the recalcitrant member is suspended for a time from the club's privileges; on the third he is summarily expelled. Even a bright remark has been known seriously to endanger a member's standing.

The result is that at our meetings, debates, and social functions, a calm and uustrained reliance upon the absence 01 any uistui oing intelligence puvaucs the atmosphere, 'lucre was at hist some question as to wuenier ladies Mioulu ho auuuiiccl to lull iuemljersiii)j but lue motion was uiiauy ucieateu. 1l "as generally cousidereu mat meic was a certain uncanny insigni., or iutuitluli, cliaractcristic of Uio sex, tnat suspiciously resembled intellectual activity. 'jLhis being the case, it was decided that afternoon-Leas, open exclusively to tlie wives a;iu ol ineiuuers, should be tuo hum, ol lciiiinine intervention.

Yi'itu these premisses, our club has prospered beyond an prophecy. .-*.& most of us are plain business men ana latners of families, 'relying lor our niiuiliing incomes on caution, a respectable appearauce, moderate indiisw,., anu tne good opinion or our clients and customers, we are able to be of groat assistance to each otner. We can exchange opinions lredy aim iiilorinaily upon suspected lieiv-comers, and holu fast togctuer m our resistance to anything that we do not, as a bouy, understand. IX6 POLITICAL CHEED. Our conversation, tnougli never traversing any untried tuld of thougnt, is mutually iuiormative. The iiuiuucr of our clulureu ,tlie wcatner of tne past lew days, the times ol trains, tne peccadilloes of our youth, and the eiocacy of this or that patent medicine, witu any hobby that we may happen to affect—these matters afford the bulk of our talk. \\e have indeed, a tendency to mistrust anything beyond. Vet with it all, so far from being distressed about ourselves we are immensely proud aliKe of our achievements and of our personal character. Conscious of our personal limitations, we are conscious also of our overwhelming power. And here, perhaps, just a word about our political convictious would be timely. Though in railway carriages and elsewhere we do sometimes, to pass the time, bandy the political notions provided by the newspapers, we are ail at heart agreed upon ut.e political creed. This is that the only really adequate .form of government is a " mediocraey." \Ve are willing to accept any compromise and make any reasonable sacrifice so long as this great principle underlies tne legislature. \\ e are happy in our hrm belief thtt at the present moment the greatness of the British Empire rests still, as it has rested, broad-based upon the mediocrity of the nnddle-classes. \\ e recognise that men of genius have done tlieir share — Nelson, dive, Chatham, and the rest. But we recognise not les our own' prior importance. Oemus we say is an accident that is sure to happen. It is a natural not a national product. But a sound, permanent, mediocre middleclass —this is no haphazard creation. In the same way we look with a certain amount of anxiety towards the advent of Socialism. '■ In so far as it means a more equable distribution ol wealth we welcome it. lint in so Unas it might mean a translereiice of power to the largest- and therefore, pussibly, the lowest class, it gives us searcliings of heart. \\ ho, under a lopsided regime, is to ensure the national iollowing of that '• middle-eouise "' which, according to our by-laws, is " alwavs right "'; LITEKATURK AND AUT. Needless to say, in the domain of literature and art our influence is exerted to the same ends. \Ve have a large number of authors and artists upon our list "of members, but on the stipulation that they shall not produce any work that is actually original; or, as one might say, tangential. ' Here, again, we accept the genius of a Shakespeare, or a Milton, but in art even more than in politics, we consider that lolk of this sort are bound to occur —so much so, indeed, that discouragement in such cases is beneficial, rather than otherwise, as a test of the genuine thing. On the other hand, the artist who just follows an accepted lead we hail as one of us. Indeed, one of our members, having once written ■ — by chance an original story, had the good sense to keep it until someone else had ventured lirst upon the theme. A far greater success altogether justified the delay. Lastly, it is to be confessed that even our secure principles are capable of abuse. We have lately become aware of an unfortunate tendency amongst some of our members towards what can only be described as <•• mediomania." Oniy recently an exceedingly hopeful probationer grew so enthusiastic over our ideals, that he devoloped a theory that the principle of mediocrity had even deeper import than we imagined. He argued that it was all due to a profound natural law, which controlled alike the setting of our clocks in the middlo of our mantelpieces and ol the familv group. He got so far as to contend that the whole universe was