WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIC, Issue 13880, 17 April 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

"Father, ivlial are wrinkles?" "Fret work, my son, fret work. "When a man talks about luck," said Uncle Eben, " he nearly alius means hard luck. 'Cause when he's prosperous he's gwinter take all de credit fob his own smahtness." Customer: I would like some butter, please. New Assistant (late of cigar store): Medium, mild, or strong? " What do yon expect to be when you come of age, my little man?" asked the visitor. "Twenty-one," was the little man's reply. «' Just one vear ago to-day I led inv wife to the altar." " Yoif did, eh? "Yes; and there my leadership ended." . r "Do vou consider your nerve is suificientlv* steadv to fit- you for an airship navigator?" "Well, I've been out in a canoe with a nervous fat girl: Magistrate: Sneaky sort of a man? What do vou mean, sir? Witness: Well, sorr. he's the sort of man that 11 never look' ye straight in the face until your back's" turned." 'jenks: "I've just given £2O for tins diamond ring for my wife. Jonks: It's a beauty! But isn't it rather—er —extravagant?" Jenks: Not a bit! Think what it will save in gloves! ' "Why do vou always go out on to the balconv when I begin to sing? Can't vou bear to listen to me? asked ■a Kingston lady last Saturday. ' Jt i-:u't that, but I don't want the neighbours to take me for a wife beater. They were out motoring, and he ma defiance to all police-traps "We're "oin"- at fifty miles an hour! be said. " \re von brave?" She (swallowing another pint of dust): Yes, dear. I'm full of grit. Air Crooks once questioned bis little girl'.-recently from school, on the effects of heat and" cold. "Heat expands and cold-contracts," she answered. "Good/j said-her father, " trivc me an instance." ".-In hotweather the days are long, and 'iufcpjd-'tliey are short," was the unexpected'reply. '•'"•''■' A PASTORAL. ■'"l-"The sun was risine in the west, "ppd. shed its beams on Cedarcrest, wherp ( )>en c .'Ve goat and sportive row were ."(perched-'upon-'the cedar.bough; There

Frank McLennan watched his flocks, and slugged the gcutlc sheep with rocks', and drove his liens to lakelet's brim that they might dive and bathe and swim. The pigs were climbing elms and. firs, the hired men gathered cockleburs; a doctor passed on horse's back, and all the ducks called loudly 'Quack!' The fruit tree agent asked to stav all night; the horses whinnied 'Neigh!' Peace hovered o'er the prairie wide; the cattle lowed, the horses higlied ; and sounded through the village smoke, the bark of watchdog, elm and oak; and he who owned these rustic scenes had seeded clown his farm to beans.— AValt Mason, in Emporia Gazette.