WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIC, Issue 13863, 27 March 1909, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Visitor, (afraid .of dog): Will he bite? Boy: i dunno, yit. , > . Irene—A girl shouldn't marry a man till she knows all about him., Evelyn: Good gracious! If she knew all about him she wouldn't marry him. Bride: You know, dear, 1 spoko . t-o the proprietor iu French, but he did not understand me.; Bridegroom: No wonder, my dear; lie's a Frenchman... An anarchist remarked to a lady that he had been to see the great nave ill the,new church. The lady replied": "Don't mention names—l know the man to whom you l refer." ".You say your wife does all her own cooking?" " Yes, she does her own-; I take my meals at the club."

First U.S. Senator: What is a bliiji:! partisan?'' Second N.S. Senator: Ont> who doesn't know the. colour of money. Mother (indignantly): You naughty boy! -Stop pulling that poor cat's. taiJ. Little 1 nnoeont: I'm not pulling it. lam only holding on. The cat is doing the pulling herself. . "George," spoke his better ha\f,. "you are interested in the temperance movements, are you not?" " NVhy, certainly I am," he answered; i ." WelJ,' suppose you go out and make, a fw,' of them with the pump handle. I'ahi' in need of a. pail of water right away..' Emperor: Why were you discharged from your last place? Applicant: For.: good behaviour. Employer: Wlrit.jdo you mean by that? • Applicant: Tney took three months off my sentence. v - Tom: Belle is a strange girl. She doesn't know the names of some of her best friends. Mn'nd: That's nothing, Why, I don't even know what my own will be a year from now.

"Yes," said Mr Dustin Stax, "Ihave succeeded in life, and' by the hard-, est kind of work." "You don't look as if you had much persohal experience with hard work." "Of coin-so not.; I hired it done." Yorkshire Farmer (bursting into village inn): What do you think, Silas? The bones of a prehistoric man have been discovered on Jim White's farm." Innkeeper: " Great Gosh! I hope poor Jim'll be able to clear hissell' at ,tlio coroner's inquest." . There had been a collision between a butcher's cart and a motor car. The policeman was taking copious notes regarding the accident. " Mammie," said a small boy on .the outskirts of. the crowd, " why does the policeman always lick the end of his pencil before writing?" "To make the at black as possible, I suppose," answered his mother, as she helped the child into the tramear'. ' In a village, school, the rector's wife was questioning a mixed class of boys and girls on certain branches of their religious knowledge. Presently she came to the subject of Noah's Ark. After having touched briefly on that, she asked the child whether they knew of any other ark mentioned in the Bible. " VeSj" answered one eager little girl, "the Ark of the Covenant." "Quite right," said the lady, mu'ch pleased. And then, thinking of the i.rk' of bulrushes in connection with tiie baby Moses, she asked: "And can you mention any other?" The child, after a few minutes hard' thought, cried out: "Oh, yes, ma'am, 'Ark, the herald angels sing!"