WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIC, Issue 13846, 6 March 1909, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

"When a small boy refuses a second piece of pie, it's a sign there is something wrong with hiin or tho pie. "leather," said the small boy, '' what is, a pessimist ?" "A' pessimist, my son, is a man who when the home team wins, kicks because ..jthe score wasn't ; larger." . Skipper: Did ye get the provccsions, Angus:-' Angus: Aye, aye!, A half loaf an' fower bottler o' whusky. Skipper: An' whit i' th' woarld will ye be doin' wi' a' that bread? . , • When a diminutive and deliberate cricketer, after batting for an hour on the Melbourne. ground, in an important match, at. last mado a single, a humorist in the outer ground roared out, "Steady, Alec!". "I can see you've worried about me, dear," said the very sick man. "Oh, hot at all," replied his wife, promptly. '' But why do you so gloomy then K' "I was thinking whether my sealskin sacque would be considered mourning!. " Like father, like soil," . said; , the Knowing One. "In what way were you alike.?" asked the Curious One. "First the old man, when the boy was a child, tried to break his son's will, N'ow the son is trying to break the old man's.

" You been courting me now for a number of years, George," remarked;*,ft' girl to a young man, " and 'I want ,to make a little Leap Year proposul."— " I—l am not in.a position to m-irinrry just yet," stammered the youth, "but —" Who said anything about marriage?" interrupted the girl. "I was going to that you stopped coming here and gave somebody clso a chance."

Charlemagne Tower described "thO' stringent- police regulations in Berlin; and by way of illustration, concluded with a little story. "Schmidt nntl Ivrauss met one morning in the. park. ' Have you heard.' says Schmidt, 'the sad news about Muller?' ' No,' say? Tvranss. 'What is it?' 'Well, poor Muller went boating on the river -yesterday. The boat capsized and he was drowned. The water was ten feet deep.' ' But couldn't he swim ?' 'Swim P Don't you know that all persons are strictly forbidden by the police to swim in the river?'