WIT AND HUMOUR.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 13733, 24 October 1908, Page 2 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Visitor (to angler): You've beeu here four hours and taken uothing. Angler: I never do take anything between meait,. " Lucinda, will yo" taKe me for betta. or for wotse?" "I'll sho' take yo'. Sain. but I dunno for which."

Mrs. Henpeck: You acted like a fool when you proposed to me. Henpeck : That wasn't uct-ing, my dear.

"Didn't you find it hard to chocse a name for the baby?" "Not at all. He has only one wealthy uncle, you see."' - Why do you pout V "He went away without kissing me." " You should have done your pouting while he was here." Miss Eldon: There are so many fast young awu nowadays. Mfes Youngley : H'm, yes; you do seem to have difficulty ill catching one." Lady: Yoa said this parrot had the gift of speech. *He does nothing, but hollet and shriek and say nothing. Dealer: 1 meant the gift uv "political sperch,' lady. Wise: Haven't you got a job yet? Potter: No, I'm still waiting lor something to turn np. Wise: Huh! Your sleeves are what you need to turn up.

Sunday-school Teacher: And you have no brothers or sisters? Little Edna : Xo. ma'am. I'm all the children we've got.

She: There, ought to be a heavy penalty imposed upon every married man with half a dozen children. He: There is. He has to support them 1

A bachelor says that "ladies are like watcheu—pretty <-nough t'> look at ; sweet fa«s and delicaU- h.lnds: but somehow difficult to 'regulate" after they are set agoing."

•Serv;int : If I might make .so bold as to suggttst. sit Master (irritably) : We watiti none of your suggestions; we want nothing from you but silence, and not much of that. " v An architect remaiked to a lady that he had l>eeii to t-ee the great nave in the new church. The lady replied : Don't mention names; I know the man to whom you refer!

Molly: There's :i cow: I'm m< afraid of ciiHh! Cliolly: It won't harm you. Mi*s Molly. u* long as 1 am with you. Molly: I know that—but when ii starts after me you won't !».• with me.

Hostess: Have von got as much :u; you would like. Johnny T . Johmir lev.mg the good things on" tlie table')': Well I haven't got a* much as 1 would like, but I've gut a «i much a>. 1 can hold.

"'1 met ilk- <loctoi'* wife this morning with her two Uys; 1 don't think I ever saw more beautiful children.' I remarked to my hiwhand one dav. Oh.' chimeil in our 'bix-vear-old. it".-'all verv fine for the doctor: he can pick the bes't. out for himself before he takes the babies round to other i*ople.'" "feemleuien." *aid the parliamentary candidate, "you charged me with having turned my mat. Vraiis ago I „upported this tiK-;i*ure. Then 1 had a. rftisiin. But now. gentlemen. I have lost my reason." And he wondeie.l at the deafening applau*. that greeted th« statement.

"How well your wife plays I.ady (b-r----aldine. Mr Jones." said Mr"-.' Fiitiin't. at tlie ptivate theatrical.-. • I think the way i,ii- putt, on that awful affected tone is jit,' splendid. How d.nt, -he manage i"7 Mr Jotitis (with emb.ii ra—uieiit il : "Kr-she doe-u't. That's natui.il."

An old white baited d.nky livmg on a ]>!antatioii. not fe-ling Well, "had th- doc tor pay him a visit'. J l, e doctor told him. a.s he ,n. h getting ohl. he mc-t •-.it plenty „1 ,-hieken and stay out of damp night air. " Bin. ,ah." .-aid the old darky. " how can you t-j». t me ;.. .-tav iii .le at ingiit and still g.-t mv ehick.-i*:"