The Jovial Blade.

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIIC, Issue 13715, 3 October 1908, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Jovial Blade.

(By W. Pett Ridge.) "Full up!", he cried sportively at the window of the compartment. -"No more room. Reserved for gentlemen. Try the dog box." They gave the door a tug that showed the detemrned excursionist, and the youth was compelled to place his bag on the rack and arrange more neatly his and selection of weekly journals. The otheis, choosing seats, said he could nbw put his head out again, .and in thi? way, frighten off other passengers. Twice, before the train started, he found himself afflicted by a. short, sharp cough when girls went by in couples, and as |hey looked around he lifted his cap, glancing over lis shoulder to see whether the humour was recognised and. appreciated by fellow-travellers^ He asked numerous questions of tho harried porters, shouted " Move yourswll: ■' to folk who ran up at the last moment, gave a loud whistle to the guard and wavr ed his arm. The staff on the platform gave indications of relief as the train took him away; he begged them to.cheer up, promising to be back in -Lundun in j ten days' time. IRRITATION.

"When I go off for my holiday in the country." he remarked, going back into his corner and placing one heel on; the cushion opposite, "I always reckon to begin enjoying myself from the very start, lose no time. ii> iny motto.. Anybody object to smoking?" ■, A middle-aged man answered that he did not exactly object, but he thought people who wanted to smoke might as well travel in a smoking-carriage. Had .no desire to make any unpleasantness 1 , but that was k's view. \ "My dear old University chum," cried the youth, striking■:.* match. "I can see what's the matter with you. You've had a tow with the miswus. She's been giving you a bit of her mind thir, morniug. She's been offering a few 'oine truths, and some'..of 'cm still rankle. Now what you've got io do is to imitate me." "Heaven forb : d!" "You've got to throw off dull care and be merry and bright. Give us a song." " You* give w" retorted the iniadleaged man, teitily, "a little peace and ■ quietness." "Then let's have a riddle." "I'll, riddle you," threatened', the man. •• if you cant ieave off badgering. Talk to one of (ho otheiw. I'm tired of you." "Be- loves me., he--loves me not " Counting the ends of the window strap, and throwing them away when the last gave a negative reply. " All my old frientlii seem in b_* devicifing me sfince 1 come into a bit of money. Does anyone want to borrow a live pound utile? Don't all speak at om-c!" The compartment seemed disinclined to talk; willing, indeed, to allow him to monopolise the' conversation. He in-* ■creased bits efforts, and'presently an anecdote told concerning a lady of his acquaintance goaded' one into making the statement that the joke had appeared in print over and over aga : n. "Very well," said 'the young blade.

"then let somebody else have a go." Somebody else did accept- the invitation, and ere the train ww; free of the last streets iif town conversation became general, and he had to raise hi» voice in order <o preserve for himself the lead. " You can't tell me nothing I don't know about Loudon," he shouted. " I've lived there for the last three years, and I reckon I'm more of a Londoner than anyone who was born there. Look 'ere; we cau jtwm put it to the test. How many comic songs of i he present day luivc any* of you got in your repertoire " "My young fiend," protested the mid-dle-aged man, "your talk is trving enough; l>egin to sing, and I .Jiatl *ft..l tempted to pull the couununication cord. Don't you behave yourself quietly when you're in the-presence of your betters?" "I alway* do.' 'ho replied. ".Vow then, if anyone can give an imitation of George llobcy, let him do it; if not, I'll have a tsy to do the best 1 can. It'll sbotteu the jouruev for von." -MORE OF IT. They admitted hix effort was not *<• bad. and two or three of his own age began to regard him enviously. Having regained command, ho took care not to lose it again, and by the time the j

train stopped at its finst -junction lie had secured an attentive audience, even the middle-aged man, on the train re-starting, asking how far he was going. The .lad, with a glance out of the window, said he was- not yet near-hts destination, but promised to give .full warning -when the. time came near for them to endure tho wrench of saying good-bye. Having conquered the middle-aged, man, he. appeared not satisfied with lis victory, but,.exercising the power of a tyrant, gave him a nick-name and an invented description of the domestic environments, insisting, in epite of " the man's .assertion'that he wa:s .ft bachelor, on affering a lively account of the masterful behaviour, of the; man's wife," her authority over him, his servile and penitent behaviour. "A confounded young , cad;" declared the other, heatedly, "that's what you are. Most offensive specimen I ever encountered. . Perfect curse, to society." ' " Isn't he a daisy!" asked the youth of the others. "Isn't he a arum lily? Isn't he a .china, ornament?" _" Leave him alone!" urged one. of the. others • " "Right you are," he said, amiably. "I'll give you a turn now." ' .. V The compartment was becoming restive under his sniping, when someone tatuglit the name of a station as the excursion flew past, and the lad, saying, -.*' 1 djdiTt, know we were so, near,", rose. and look his bag , from the rack, j • _Letting.,'the window down-and resting, his chin Uiere, he inhaled the country air, and announced identification of certain. houses, \yihdnlills, ... and meadows. , That was ; ihe felace where he knocked up thirty-eight, ;after making a duck's-egg in his first innings; here was the very finest wood, for nutting in the whole neighbourhood; over .. there, if you only went, late enough and not too lute,.you could, pick more blackV; berries than ; you cared to., carry away. ; He begged them all, to. slant} to cfticti.. ■sight of tho spire of a church;, they had to bob np again to see the thatched l-oof of a farm where-lived, he tbi*q: of the best cousins- in the. whole, wide /: world. "He packed'his cap in the, bag^/• put on a bowler,;' and threw away ,tha,'end of his cigarette. -- .home.'; -'.- ■■■■-,■.,, "Hope I haven't been talking; too much," he ' said, apologetically, *" arid ;1. trust, no offence ' has 'been ; taken none was intended. . Just look'attlmt " clump of.trees over 'there, and nbiicl the colours they've got; Aren't tliey . ply wonderful ? ■'What were you : goinjfr to say, sir!" .''■'".' ;:•,...':"; The , middle-aged f man, hniarded 1 111*"' opinion that /nature', knew something. \; , "Makes you realise,",. _Bdihittea tbft > youth, " when you get down into tlite , country, that, soiheone eltje beside? nIHJI . has had to do with the makirig of the world.. If you gentlemen don't mind coining over here, you'll be nblo to catch" a glimpse of where my mother and my . sister lives. There." he cried cxultingly* "You just saw it. didn't you, between tiu i trees. Smoke coming out of the cliimi ney. , That, means " He pressed his , hajid againM hist under lip.. "That meani they're preparing. You've no idea what & I lot they think of me. If they're, at! > the station, you'll have a chance of seel hip them. Uood-byo nil. Hope- you'tl eih ■ jov vounelves- as much as I'm going . to"." * . I Ho Mopped out before tho train stop]>ed, and fellow-passengers competed for tho privilege of handing out. his .bag.. An elderly woman in black and a .short jrirl I \vavod excitedly to him fioui the irtsido of thf» doorway of the bookinp-oHfcc: h* - ran across, and. dropping the bag, kusctt I thrtn affectionately. " Yon dear, dear blessing!" cried -tit* mother.