"A Man who Wanted a Wife."

Timaru Herald, Volume XIIC, Issue 13691, 5 September 1908, Page 1 (Supplement)

"A Man who Wanted a Wife."

A 3IAX WHO WANTED A WIFE One fine Saturday all the village was startled and shocked when old man Elbridge drove up to the rail of the post office, and calmly announced that he was going to be married just one month from that day. "Who are vou going to marry, Charlie r ' asked the men wno had known him for half a lifetime. "Who's the bride-to-be?" "Don't know," replied Elbridge, sen tentiouslv? " What? Got your wedding-day set and don't know who you are going to marry ?" they asked. Then they decided that Elbridge was joking. "Come on, Charlie, tell us whe she is. It is your house-keep- «'•?'* -,. "My housekeeper isn't marrying, was the reply. ° Weli, tell us who it is then ? • "I don't know, that's a fact," said Elbridge. "I haven't any more idea of whom it's going to be than you You see, it's this way: I've been living up there alone in the old place for abouo 2l) years now. Twenty years is an awful long time for,a man to live alone; an awlul long time. I stood it all right up to this time, though- But this spring 1 looked out at the grass getting green on the hills, and I said: 'Old man, it urn t j i good for man to live alone.' So I just set my wedding day as a month from to-day, and made up my mind to go out and get- a wife." The countryside began to gamble on Elbridge from that day. Some thought he would "get*some one" in the time he had allotted himself, others were sure that it was not such an easy thing to pick up a wife. When he began to " keep company " with eligible women the betting swerved in hfc favour; when the women threw_bim down, as they did, the odds rose swiftly against him. " Elbridge was as energetic as lie was original. He went after his bride-to-be without any delay. He began the day after be had made his startling announcement in the town. A neighbouring farmer had a buxom young daughter who looked good to the old man. On Sunday be bitched his best horse to his best buggy, and, arrayed in his best attire, be w'enfc to lay seige to the hand of the damsel. But the damsel had ideas .of h«r own regarding the ethics of courting. She didn't fancy a lover who came to her and said :

" I've decided to get married jisst a month from to-day. Will yon be my happy, blushing bride." She bad ideas that love-making should be conducted along more conventional lino*, and the was uot at all backward in letting Mr. Eibridge know her mind. Also the girl's parents did not take kindly to the aged neighbour as a prospective hus?bs»tl rebuffed him most decisively. Abridge went home a sadder, but not discouraged man. nil confidence of being able to get sonieont to stand up with him 'a« a wife on the day be had fixed was not even jarred. "Women are" plentiful, and most of them want to get inarmed," he philosophised. So he went home and ordered a caterer to prepare a wedding feast, and planned new ventures in the realm* of hearts.

" Perhaps I "am a little old for the young girls," be thought. " Perhaps a woman slightly over the period of youth would be more suitable." There happened to be just 6Uch a woman in the neighbouring town. She was the widow of a formen past-master, and while sho was not young %he was not at all unpleasant to look upon. Klbridge put a flower in his coat and hied himself to her. He told her just how it was. He had decided to get married nvxt month and would the widow be one of the con trading partite. "What? Marry you a month from today." gasped the !>urprk>ed woman. "WeD, to be exact, twenty-nine day* from to-day," avowed the elderly wooer. "Well, I should i-ay not. I wouldn't marry you in a hundred yearrs," was the irate- reply. "AH right, don't get huffy about it." said Eibridge. " 1 jtftt ask you. you know. Xo barm done." And be went and ordered a wedding suit to bo ready on the day set.

A deaf widow next attracted bis attention. Tbero were patent advantage* in a deaf wife. So thither went Klbridge, with a pencil and writing-pad. " I want you to marry me twenty-eight days from to-day," he wrote. The widow ritee quickly and swung a broom before the man fully realised what her rising jiortcnded. -Well, lucky I didn't land her." ruminated Elbridgc as he stepped into the printer'* and ordered him to print nomc wedding-cards. - 1 don't fancy thorn quick women-'' People noted how thing* went with him and his courting, and were offering five to one that he would not land his bride in tiki time etipulatc-t. Klbridge put » few small wage* on himself and went to eeek out another pru»pective wife, another widow. Hero he never even got to see the- lady fair. The widow"? daughter opened tb© door. "Can I *eo your mother?" naked Mr. Elbridgc. politely.

"What for?" " I want to propose to her." " N'o, you can't tee her, you old iil'ot," snapped "the young woman promptly. " Wdl. tbt'rt, will you ask her i* bWll marry me next month?" persisted the ardent *uitor. But the door was banged suddenly in h'*» face. At tlie next p'ace lie tried both mot Ik r and daughUr. TTk< mother would not listen to him. and the daughter etond by and willed. Klbridgc fancied that tin■mil* w% not at all against him. He even saw vision* of a conquest then and there. " How about you ? Will you marry me. then!" he asked th.? girl. But the smile wa* only a smile of ridicule, and again the wooer received tlte hoansc boot. Tho-e who had bet that Klbridgc would fall down in getting .1 bride wcr* now jubilant. T«.-n days had now slipped away, and ten timrs had lw hern thrown. Anotln-r «wk went by and Mill nothing •Ki-urr.-d t<» rhani:«« hi* x-ntuneiit-. Th.<M]'U were now twenty to or*» n;;4!n-.L h;ni an,! no Uik.:« Sl-.il -moih.-r «cv. n »U\ • fvhpi-.i Jty un-I .<ill I'.ll'ri.l-o had no pro lilr-cl bt:.lr. H«< «"> sur.lv gou,- Jo Ihjml. Two day* lwfof til- ni"ii!!i «... up it vi«itor came to stay with .. nri;;br>-.i!r of Kibndge. She *».«■> (< r. v''«"»P -'""' fortv. Ill" moment *!»-«' th- oM m.in h.id «rt hi* cy«** »n lx-r In- kn< « nhv :. -

it>«.mg* iu'l tj> f<r Wen unMin-.H,';:; t'upid «•"•■ hull up for !i!- affinity And the fair visitor at tIV nctgiib■ ) iir'-> vn it. "Will vou marry me tho day after to morrow""* .wked Klbridgc. "Of course." said th? woman.