FUNNY CUTTINGS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume L, Issue 11881, 1 February 1902, Page 2 (Supplement)

FUNNY CUTTINGS.

Stranger, in the street — Do you lore your litlle baby brother, my boy ? Herbie — No, sir. Siraagtr, surprise J — Pf»yj whj not? Herbie — 'Cause he's my sister. See? Cholly — It f3f 3 marvellous — widing widont horses, telegwaphing widout wires, and — ar — there's no telling what we'll do next. Mis 3 Ohilton — No indeed. Someone may invent a method cf thinking without brains. _ The Rooster — Ye 3, I did have a fight with that rooster acros? the road. The Dack — Said yon conquer or die, didn't you ? The Rooster — Well, suppose I did ?■ I'm not the first party ever changed his mind in the middle of a battle. Braggles — I knew a woman who had twins, and one of them was five months: older than the other. Mi&s Ingenue— How perfectly absurd* Twins ha?e to be born at the same time. Brsggles, with a superior air f. Bat they don't have to die at the sam» time. Tess : He'll never ask her to many him. He stammers so awfully. Je3S — I suppose the thought ot what he's going paralyses his tongue.. Tess — No, it isn't that. He stanctmor3 naturally, and whenever he im- * pnlstveljr. starts to ask her, his halting speech giv"es him time to cool off and , think what he's doing. - "* The Optimist — I don't believe jod ever looked on the bright side. Tue Pessimist — I did when my house was on fire. ' Mast I tell you chat my wife 7s waiting at the head of the stairs in. there for me ? 'No.' * Mast I inform you that she has declared war. ' No,' stammered the astonished policeman. Richnun — I have decided to make no will. Laywer — Then the law will divide your estate. Richmann — That's better than letting the lawyers divide it. Mrs Parkham — I never told you how my husband proposed to me, did I ? Mr 3 D«hum — No. Did he propose to yoa ? Teacher — What great could not He ? Tommy — Washington. Teacher — Correct, Tommy. And now you may tell us why be could not lie? Tommy — He must have been deaf N and dumb. ' How did you manage to gather such a large congregation of old and middle-aged people,' asked the young minister of the old. * I advertise! a sermon to the young/ was the latter's reply. * fL>rH$ l cpep<»r — f really rioVi believ* ; you ever did a oiiuke of xrork iv your life. Tramp — I was six years in one placa mum. Housekeeper — Tadeed. How did you happen to leave ? Tramp — I was pardoneJ, mum. Mr Jonee — Don't be so reckless with. the hat pins, my dear. Mrs J jnes — You would not care if I hurt myself. Mr Jones — But I woald care if yoa damaged that very ralmble hit. -1 received your milliner's bill this morn^— . ing.

v Mistress : You say you are well recommended ? Maid : Indeed, ma'am, I have thirty-nine excellent references from ladies I've worked for. Mistress : How long hare you been in domestic service. Maid : Two year?, ma'am. / * So you T7f>ro in Par-is 1 - 1 i*es7 htsv.iie.l the returned dulogate. * Mrs D. and the girls wanted to go. ♦,A.nd did'you visit all the points cr interest ? « We went to cooro places ia a week than we could learn to pronounce the names of in six months. Jack : It is time for me to go dearest. I shaft be lockod out, and I left my latchkey ia my room. Joss : Mast yoa go ? Jack : Yes, really. You wouldn't like me to sit in the park until morning would you ? Jess : No, bnt T see yon ?o fo Mora. Jack : i liave beeu hoe a\aiy uight for the last six monlhs. Jess : 3 know. Bat a day is such an age. Jack : I know it dearest, and the .days are growing longer now.