NOT CUT OUT FOR AN EDITOR

Taranaki Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 11818, 16 November 1901, Page 1 (Supplement)

NOT CUT OUT FOR AN EDITOR

BY M ADELKn.

'Mr Hockley,' said Colonel Bangs, 4>f the Argus, to oue of the assistant editors, whom he bad; recently'™ stalled ' in order to give him a trial, 'you have 1 many of the characteristics of [» g?e«,t journalist, and 1 hare no doubt' that at «ome time in the remote future^youwilL ■ : ije^psble of^cGodttoting the* London at present -some? of your t^peihliariCiesVre bf^o marked a charae* ;i'*er as to destroy nioch of yourusefulsessih this establishment.^ "V . -" '^Whit do you mean 7' " ' .."• . . , -'Why, for instance, I. notice that you always spell' 'horse' hoarse ; and that ia spelling Congress yon invariably.be- .-• fcm.with.a large K. These things are aoc , sa important, perhaps, ' while our jifoof-readpr maintains * Condition of ' ; Srtfr«sty; Bhfc when you speak of Her- |! iegqvina as a specie* of Asiatic chicken. "' iuid allude to ita conflict with Turkey, : «a if they were two fowJa righting in * Iwrnjard, you go-tqo fa^; [job trespass • opottitbe'good natora'ofc'our readers, . ...Ifou are mistaken* also in 'Blinding to, s-s -* 4 35gy^t as tbe dapitid of Germany,. a#d -£fcertro£tbat tbo Suea Canal rnns to ■" Buffalo, and was : ;buitt by De <Witfc Clinton. I want to'paas that editorial, • „io oblige you, boY really. £am afiaid I ***%'. ' '■-'' •*<• *> -I ,i: -'Well, I'm sorry.* ' r - > t , 'Now,- take that article of yours about Cuba. 1 You speak of CubVas bapg~jty • the' Arctic regions, andL-yoaj antide fo the natives as living cln^fly on walrus. '*s*ai4iM\sA& y6^%e^#>j think that 'Quit a Tice-an miraTa duty is to keep his eye on the mujes and- minage the >*owline. Tbeyibave »>ftowlines in ttie ! /American Navy, ,Mj. Hockley. ,Xt to -''iM your fittlt Vhat' yon have netffir been to sem^ but when a man undertakes to, «npply marine intelligence -ior.ar great -ofaihr^ew*p'aper7 he/ou|s po know '-^t^/quartet^^fe^Jß .upfc J* P*<sk of iajrets^ which costs a ,quar|:e.r.' , ' *' <.'.x.i'*J. didn't- say;W ■ -i >i --"•' , V ' „ ♦You much, and" l tell joii it just drives the people wild. , It won't do. - "When you : mention Disraeli as ; the contemporary , of, M^ses, and praise W. J. Bryaif for the manner in which he wrote the Acts of the Apostles, fou expose us to derision ; apdif I had printed your article upon the passage of the Rubicon; by : .Galileo just ,after t bi9. ' election' to tbePresident of jthe United . States, conveying the idea * that , the «*id< Rubicon - was a law to prevent „ niggers from running off, this office would have been mobbed before night/ • ■ *The mischief ii would, l' , "'" *Yes; I know! I have-mySficger . on the public pulse. They will 's^aud -m good deal. They are patient and alt *bat; but wheri youl come at them, for ioitanc*. with an "editorial assertion

tbtft "Petrarcir was one" of the Apostles, and" thai; he U9ed to fiahf^ with ja : lay-ont line, \n the river Herodotus, they get delirious 4 Heaven and earth, man 1 Herodotus was hot a river, he was a historian f How could yon allude to Romeo a3 tbe residence of the Pope, and declare that tbe pontiff's principal cardinals are the points of the compass? • «Blamed if 1 kho-» 1' 'Well, anyway, you See for yourself that yon need years of study before yofl will be qualified to form pubjib <»fjini6u'. No, jpurnalistj. can .hope to; guide the popular ■ mipd\w.nb teaches that Jhe, prophet Daniel's last name was Boohe, and thai) he hunted crows and Indians out- in ' no editor can leave' his mart upon Iris ce&turf. jwho, w^.en, "Hp'reaifs in tfiej hews;* items thit-tb« '!E k re vnqßv nqß arn^y : has mpveji'^fteenj JkiJo-j^etres-out of Paris,,writes : aji editorial asserting that the army ought to:;h«vei removed those infernal 'machines long ago inntead of leaving tb>d>- there to tlow un the city. I say; no newspaper man, who does these things, and then? aits down and asks Congress to do soxn^thing about the tariff, taking the 1 view that the tariff is a trojiieil fruit-^--Bome 'mjsterioua kiutl of a banana—^fbr. removing constipation, can ever attain the highest. rank in his profession.' *t)on't think so, hey ?' 'No; I don't. I guess we %ill have to part. 1 am sorry, but necessity knowa no law.' Take my advic.6, go off somewhere, out in the country, study op, ascertain that membranous croup is not the part of a harness that holds up a horse's tail ; learn that Americus Vespucius was not the technical name for cabbage ; hunt up the fact that tbe Israelites did, not shoot quail in the desert with double-barreled shotguns ; inform youraelt that Elutarch was not the: god .of the infernal regions ; discover that the statistics of,the bop crop do not refer exclusively to idanoing'parties ; and' acquaint yourself with the fact that Pharaoh did not/mv vent the' game of' seven-tip," *nd ! 'tliat* the word Oshkosh is the pame of a town, and not a form of profanity in use by the Scandinavians^ frpni wbbhr the Americans have obtained! it in the modified form of V .Go^T&prQingv'i ' ' " Mr Hockey is now engaged in tending^ bar. ''"'." '.'.' \ r -