FUNNY CUTTINGS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 11784, 5 October 1901, Page 3 (Supplement)

FUNNY CUTTINGS.

- Patmer Hayseed— Noi I don't want any mofe labour saving' machines. I've tried enough} of 'era. Look in -there. .That's a typewriting machine my wife spent all her 1 egg money to get fdr me, 'cause I ain't very bandy with the pen. Just look at the 'tarnal swindle. Ageat— -What's the matter with it? Farmer — Matter? Why, yon can't eveu write ydur 1 own name' with the 'tarnal thing unless you know how to play a church organ. Husband— Did you drive all these nail* yourself ?' , j, Wife— Yes, I did. , Husband— -Let me see your hands. Wife — Here they are — not hurt a bit. Husband— Hum I Who held the 'nails. Mr New wed — Seems tome, my dear, this hash has a peculiar taste. Young Wife— Hash ? - That's fruit cake. « Is Pat O'Brien there. 'No/ ' .. .„ - ' Well, when he comes in please tell bim his son-in-law is dead. I am his son T in-law, but not tbe , one that's dead. , Housekeeper — Yoa promised that if I'd give you 0 good meal and a suit of old clothes you'd tell me how. to keep the premises free from tramps. Tramp — Yes,, mum , and I'm a man o'me word, mom, and I'll keep me promise, although that meal wasn't no great shakes and this suit ain't mach of a fit. But HI tell ye. Houskeeper— W^l* wh,at course am Ito pursue. i \ Tramp — Neyet give ,'em anything. Good-ilay, mum. . , ' Proved It — What do you think, Clarice went out aod sang at an entertainment in a private lunatic aslyam. ' Did she say whether tbey showed their insanity much. , Oh, yes, they encored her three times. ' Ttey ain't no rjoliiicfi in heaven/ said Brother Dickey. ' Bat de reason er dat is — tbey ain't no politicians thar.

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