SHE KNEW HIM.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XL, Issue 9206, 7 October 1891, Page 4

SHE KNEW HIM.

In a certain city, a toper, while lately wandering homeward at midnight, was seized with a tipsy fancy to serenade his own wife. Accordingly, as he neared his domicile, he turned his coat wrong side out, stuck his hat jauntily upon one side of his head, and passing into the yard, took his place under her window. It had occurred to him that after the serenade he would very innocently pass into the house, inquire what noise that was, and appear highly incensed at the liberty taken with his wife during his absence Having this all arranged in his own mindhe cleared his throat, and commenced — Good night ! good night, my dearest ! llow swift the moments tfy !" To his own mind, he never sang betterlie was exceeding himself, and just struck out in the second stanza, when the window was softly raised — his heart trembled. "Come along in, and go to bed. you noisy rowdy !" ' said the wife — who! notwithstanding that- he was disguised (in liquor), recognised the " Ethiopian >: as her spouse. The song ceased ; the husband put his coat on' right side .oqt, adjusted his hat, went into the house,' arid went to bed — alone. He hasn't been aserenading since. ' ' ' -" '

A good way to find a woman out — Gall -whan she isn't at home. ' ' ■ 1 I " Here, let that dog be — 111 teach you to be kind to animals 1" said the kind-hearted father, .as he -knocked his temyear-old boy down. 0 ' ' A novel mode of advertising for a wife has been adopted by an inhabitant of a provjncjaj town. A photograph of the gentleman is!p.laced^in the -.window of Keeper, ■ arid' underneath is the "following notice : " Wanted, a female companion to tha above. Apply at this office." I never can be more than a Bister to you,"' said a buxom widow, "tenderly, to an old? bachelor who had proposed. " Ah, madam,, yes, you can," he responded gallantly; "1 ; am not a man to lose hope." "Yes, .but I cannot," she persisted. "But, he said, you have (laughters; you may yet be my mother-in-law." ' < A French officer had received a bullet in his thigh ; he was conveyed to the hospital. For eight days the doctors were probing and torturing him, until, losing all patience, ha asked them what they were doing. -" Searching for the bullet," wbb "the reply.—" Why hadn't you said so before ?" the victim exolaimed. ■ " Ive got it in" my pocket 1" "It is a great pity," r said a. .judge to an embezzler, " that you should have lost your oharacter."— " Yes judge, so it is, especially as it -was the only, character in this town worth saving," answered the culprit. ! "A thousand dollars for that little 'picture !" .''Yes'mj but it is in oil, you khfcw, and " " I didn't think of that. What an , awful monopoly that Oil Cojetiany is 1'! Fred : Father will soon have another wife to keep— l.am going to get married. Judge to criminal — "I didn't hear you jayVyou had been married or I would npt have askedryou if you had ever been pun* tihed before." As time is money, many seem io tninK an h'mir spent in church will pay the interest on six full days of sin. She — "Do you think marriage is a failure?'' He (aged twenty) — "It begins .o look that way* I've been rejected \ fourteen times. ' ' One who knows saya : •• xne man who is 'j excessively urbane to his wife before strangers is also her bane behind then backs 1" f