SMILERS.

Taranaki Herald, Volume XXXVI, Issue 7337, 2 April 1887, Page 4

SMILERS.

The German. Army •' Bill"— The Emperor William. Motto for the Congo Explorer. — "On, Stanley, on I" Another 6ign o£ the depression — That Bulgaria shouldn't " raise" a sovereign. An Italian can take 100 new bricksfrom the yard, and in 24 hoars can transform them into relics taken from the wine-cellar of a house just uncovered at Pompeii. " Why do the heathen rage ?" asks a religious paper. We don't know, remarks an exchange, unless it is because they are sent Ted flannel shirts in the summer time. "Ah, yes," sighed a Chicago lady, " John has been a good husband to me !" "I thought you separated years ago?" "We did ; but he is always bo prompt with the alimony." Minister (at baptismal font) : " Name, please." Mother : " Phillip d Cheßterfield Randolphey Livingstone." Minister (aside to assistant): " Mr. Keeler, a little more water, please." Judge : Are yon aware ot any mitigating circumstances in your cose ? Criminal : Yes, your honor ; this is the 50th time I have been arrested for vagrancy, and I thought that pnrhaps we might get up a little jubilee. Mary, reading : " And thus we see that -history repeated itself." Tom, with animation : " Ob, does it ? Ivi ish it iiIJ, and geography, and tables, and the whole lot, tnd saved us the (rouble " Dobson erected a danger signal. " You are fixing it, I suppose," remarked Thompson, "so that bo who runs may read." "On the contrary," replied Dobson, " I am fixing it so that he who reads may run." Still men are willing to try. — It is next to impossible for a man to teach a girl to whistle. When she gets her lips properly puckered she looks so bewitching tempting that he loses bis head and kisses her, and the consequence is sho doesn't have a chance to blow a note. The late Sergeant Ballantine wote on one occasion to Mark Twain, and asked for a rei?ly. After waiting for a reasonable time he wrote again, enclosing a stamped and directed envelope. In a Bhort time the envelope came back with this message written, on the flap, " You have forgotten the sheet of paper.— Yours, M. Twain." " Shall I vind the clock, fadder ?" asked yonng Jacob Isaacstein as they were about to close the store. "No," said the old gentleman with a sigh; "piznesß vas too pad. Lihoost let it alone, Jacob, and yo vill save the year and tear on the weels." ' "By the way, are you dining with the Montmorency Browns tonight?" "Oh heavenß ! Now I remember, they did ask me to dine there to-night." " What — and you forgot to answer I" " Ob, I answered fast enough, bpt I've clean forgotten whether I accepted or declined." Irish Diplomacy. — Gent on "plank : " Well, either you or I must turn buck." Pat: " Och, you turn and I will tolly yess. Divil a tit will I turn me back to sich a foine gintleman."