FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 23 March 1935, Page 22 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

HE WONDERED. “Prisoner, you are found not guilty, and are discharged.” “But I’ve been kept in custody for a fortnight, your Honour. Does that entitle me to commit a small crime free of charge?” # # * * THE OTHER SIDE. “Taxi, can you take me to Waterloo?” asked the dear old lady. „ “Sorry, ma’am. I’m engaged. “Then I’m sure I wish you every happiness—but you mustn’t let love interfere with your work. Waterloo, please.” * # * * HANDY. “Graham, you have been with this firm a week now, and I find that you have not the slightest idea of office routine. When I engaged you, you told me that you were a handy man.” “Well, so I am. I live in the next street.” # * * * THE EXPLANATION. ■ “What has become of those lovely sideboards you had the last time I was here?” asked the customer in the furniture shop. . , j “I shaved ’em off, miss, stammered the bashful assistant. * # * # FAMILIAR SOUND. During a bad storm the doting parents thought their child might be awake and afraid, so they went to his bedroom. The boy was a .little restless, and sently opened his eyes and said, Has the wireless gone wrong again, daddy, and dropped off to sleep again. # •» * * NO CHEATING. At the party the charming maiden and the handsome young man. had been playing one of those old-fashioned games with forfeits, and the girl had been ordered to give the young man ten kisses. “Let's see,” she said, pausing for breath, “that’s seven, isn’t it?” “Only six,” he corrected. “Seven, I think.” “No, six.” “Look here,” said the girl wearily, “sooner than have any argument wed better start all over again.” # «• * * WRONG NAME. Village Postmaster: You might take this parcel up to Puddlecombe Farm and see if it’s for them-the name on the label's obliterated.” Postman: ‘Taint for them, then, for certain. Their name’s O’Reilly. , ■' # * * A BAD GAMBLE. Janet: So Flora took a rich old invalid for better or worse'. Mabel: No. She took him for worse and he got better. * * * * MISUNDERSTOOD. Inquisitive Old Lady (to Irish cook on board a liner): Excuse me, sir, are you the mate? ~ Irish Cook: No, ma’am. Im the fella that cooks it. # * * * OPTIONAL. A farm hand was walking wearily home when a motorist overtook him. “Can you direct me to the nearest fire station?” said the motorist hastily. “Yes, I’m going that way,” said the farm hand. “You can follow me if you like.”

SO ONE WOULD JUDGE. She: What do you live on? He: I live on my wits. She: You don’t look any too well fed. «= * * * .A PERMANENT JOB. Applicant: I’m sure 11l suit, you, madam, I’m full of “go-” Mistress: Yes, so you may be, but what I want is someone with “staying power.” QUIET. “That new maid of yours seems very nice and quiet?” . , “Yes, she’s very quiet. She doesnt even disturb the dust when cleaning the room.” * * # * CAUTION. First Burglar: If I can pick this lock we can lay our hands on £50,000. Second Burglar: That’s good; but just go steady with the blade of my new penknife! * TRUE ROMANCE. The bride tottered up the aisle on the -t arm of her father, who was wheeled in his armchair by three of his great-grand-children. She was arrayed in white, and she carried a big bouquet of white rosebuds; her hair, though grey, was bobbed, and she smiled and nodded to acquaintances. The groom was able to walk unaided, with the assistance of two handsome mahogany crutches. His head was bald, his false teeth chattered a little, nervously. They were the couple who had waited until they could really afford to get married.