CURRENT COMMENT

Taranaki Daily News, 3 November 1934, Page 13 (Supplement)

CURRENT COMMENT

OTHER POINTS OF VIEW

(By

M.O.S.)

The Powers of Board-om. * * *

Nobody has yet learned all about croquet, says a report. Still, better half a biscuit than none at all.

So the David of Australian politics, “Cockatoo” Page, has at last succeeded in entering the Lyons den! # * * *

A round faced girl in Albania, says a news item, could not hope to succeed. She would be known as “melon-face”— and probably treated as a gooseberry. * * * *

Mir Fais Hafiz Guberjee Ullah Ali Ullah, our banana merchant, read about the Indian “jungle girl” who never learned to talk. “Ah, what a woman” exclaimed Mr. Ullah. “Krishna, what a wife!”

The provinces were abolished 58 years ago, according to a newspaper article this week. That is why the gentleman frbm Dunedin when abroad' and asked the question “which island are you from, North or South?” modestly replied, “Just New Zealand, m’sieu!” * * * *

The New Plymouth borough council is alive to the existence of the Devon Street “waves,” says a newspaper. All may yet be well, then—provided councillor Joseph Brown does not go and catch the same hallucination as King Canute. * ■ * *' #

A gander at Rawhitiroa has been seen fitting on the nest when the goose has left it. • The office punster, before he could be prevented, said he detected an element of propaganda in the action. * > ,* * * A dying patient’s chart, kept by a native assistant in a Japanese hospital, read thus: .11 a.m., patient in low degree; 11.3 a.m., patient in the sink; 12 noon, patient on the flit; 12.5 p.m., patient flut—in New Zealand the doctors make far more fuss of fluttering. ♦ * ♦ ♦ A Glascow paper, in an extract from a Danish paper, which quoted a Paris newspaper, which alleged to have reproduced’ a statement in the “British Air Force Gazette” (which is non-existent) says the Loch Ness monster is -a German airship. Monstrous! * • * • -A Waiwakaiho Tale. There once was a golfer named Chong Whose shots were abnormally long He scored eagle threes With astonishing ease That appealed to the envious throng. « • * . * *■ The Insidious Influence. Said Ma Supial-Wombat to her son in 1958: “Willie Wombat, always remember that you are a Supial-Wombat of Wombat Flat. Remember that you come from an ancient and honourable family of wombats, and that your ancestor the First Supial-Wombat entertained His Royal Highness the Duke of Gloucester at Eunonyhareenyha during the Centenary Celebrations. Male Supial Wombats are eternally courteous. to female wombats end never chew their fem roots with their mouths open. Supial Wombats ...” And that is why, in 1958 there will also be Bolshevik wombats recruited from the wombats not related to the original Supial Wombats of Wombat Flat. Improbable Epic. Squadron Leader McGregor, when cross examined after the air race, said he was no hero but just an ordinary man who had taken up flying as a business. That just goes to show you how dreadfully misunderstood these airmen fellows are. How darned annoying it must be to be hindered in an ordinary, common, or garden job by people going round yelling “hero” after you! Being an airman himself, M.O.S. has unburdened a full heart in the following lines which he would have entitled "Misunderstood” if some other poet hadn’t pinched the idea first. Now bustled mayors and aidermen, A stray royal Duke or two, Leap madly for their robes of state . While the whistles go “Toot-too” “Aha” they cry, “the sky is tamed, These men are heroes all, For they have come within a From far-off Mildenhall.” Meanwhile the airmen nervously Wilt ’neath a blast of praise Their knees are weak with modesty They move in a blushing haze. For they ar,e sure that heroes are Cast in a different mould. Airmen are merely mortal men And not what you are told. And so they up-ed and asked that they Be spared embarrassment And be allowed to go in peace Without emolument! * * ♦ * This Sang-Froid. Let us re-introduce Aeneas Snootlefoot, the inventor of the Snootlefoot Udder Attachment. This time, however, he does not invent, he merely recounts fact. In October 1923 Aeneas drew . Hairylegs in the Caesarewitch. Hairylegs was the favourite. Aeneas drew him in an Indian consultation of which the first prize was £lOO,OOO in Mexican dollars. He received the news at midnight, read the message in a state of semi-som-nolence and returned immediately to bed where he overslept until 8.43 o’ clock. He then arose, bathed, breakfasted and caught the 9.2 bus and ar-

rived at the offices of Skinnen, Skinnem and * Tann, hide merchants, 14 mins. 34 gees. late. There he was taken severely to task by old Ebenezer Skinnem but, valuing his position which was worth 13s 6d per week with yearly increments Of 4s 3d, Aeneas returned an apologetic and conciliatory answer and promised to make up by working overtime .for a week. He attended to his duties with great diligence all day. At 3 o’clock when the race was due to be run, he admits that he felt a vague excitement, but strongly resisted the temptation to slip out on the pretext of buying stamps. anil have a steadying glass of lemonade at the corner cafeteria. At 3.39 o’clock the news arrived over the primitive radio of the day that Hairylegs had broken her fetlock at the barrier, and that the promoters of the Indian consultation, had absconded, so that Aeneas could not recover even the paltry £l2OO he was entitled to for having drawn a horse. Unfortunately the newspapers got hold of. the story and Aeneas was discharged by old Ebenezer for gambling. On the £32 he obtained from the Daily Scream for an exclusive interview, Aeneas took passage for New Zealand. That is why he is now assistant manager for a Whangamomona milk magnate. “But I don't mind admitting,” says Aeneas, “that I was a trifle disappointed and annoyed about the whole business.”