FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 4 August 1934, Page 10 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

CHANGING. “What kind of a stone is Jane's engagement ring?” “A rolling stone. I had it once.” # # # « .READY TO OBLIGE. “Trim the lawn, ma’am?” asked the disreputable-looking gardener, who was carrying a large pair of shears. “No thank you,” said the lady of the house. “Clip the bushes, ma’am?” “No.” “Well, ma’am, I must earn an honest penny somehow. What abaht ’aving yer ’air bobbed?” # # # * Mrs. Jones: How do you manage to persuade your husband to buy you such expensive hats? Mrs. Robinson: I take him shopping with, me, walk him about till he can hardly stand, and then take him into a hat-shop. He’ll buy anything to get home. * # # « “This meal reminds me of home, waiter.” “Very nice of you to say so, sir.” “Not at all. My house was burnt down yesterday.” # # ® e Lady-(purchasing thermometer): And would you be so kind as to set it to sixty-five, because that’s what the doctor says I’m to keep the room at?” # # # # She: You know, dear, singing warms the blood. He: Does it? I’ve heard some that makes mine boil. « « ♦ • “James, James, I am sure there are. burglars in the house.” “My dear, we must not mind that. After all it is their trade.” « # * * The insurance agent was collecting the weekly premiums., “I shall be moving next week,” said one old lady, “and so you can tell the van to call.” “What van?” “The removal van, of course. Your company says: ‘Members removing from one district to another will be transferred free of charge.’ ”

Excited Mother: Oh, please, have you seen my little Emma? Stranger: I’ve no idea. What she’s like?

Excited Mother: She has her father’s nose, but she’s the image of me —when I was a child.

Little Betty’s uncle had been imbibing rather freely of wine before he visited them. When he kissed her she sniffed and turned to her mother. “Oh, mummy. Uncle Jack’s been eating a lot of trifle.” • # • • Junior Partner: I see you have engaged a new traveller. Is he a good salesman? Senior Partner: Good salesman? I had to send for the police to prevent him talking me into taking him into partnership. * « * « A MIRACLE. Giles: That water’s public property. Angler: Then it won’t be a crime if 1 get some fish? Giles: No; it’ll be a miracle. # # * •. PRACTICE. She: How did you learn to kiss so well? He: Oh, I used to blow a bugle. « # « • A HINT. He: You look nice enough to eat. She: Well, I do eat. Let’s go! # ® » * “Is your husband a bookworm?" “No; just an ordinary one.” # # # 4 Wife (making her exit from large store): Oh, John, dear, just look at that beautiful moon! Hubby (absent-mindedly, and laden with parcels): All right, my darling. How much is it? # # # • Charlie: Has the depression hit you yet, Bill? Bill: I should sajr it has. First I lost my job and had to go and live with father; then I sent the two children to the orphans’ home; my wife went back to her mother, and I shot my dog. Charlie: Things are bad, aren’t they? Bill: Yes; and if things don’t look up I’ll have to give up my car. # « # * He (returning after quarrel): I drank to forget you; but it was no good, for then I saw two of you. # « * • Phyllis: When George and I are married we are going to have five servants. Priscilla: You’ll probably have twentyfive, but pot all at once. * • • * Gusto: It isn’t that the wife wants the last word; it’s simply that she has a let of arguments left over when I’m exhausted. • • c • Mistress: Bridget, you’ve broken as much china this month as your wages amount to. How can we prevent this occurring again? Maid: I don’t know, ma’am, unless you raise my wages. «&• ■ ® PUBLICITY.

I was taking tea with a great editor last Sunday afternoon when his little daughter came back from Sunday school with an illustrated text in her hand. “What’s that you have there, little one?” the editor asked. ' “Oh,” said the child, “just an ad. about heaven.”