FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 28 April 1934, Page 10 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

. A STRANGE SIGHT. “One sees some . queer sights sometimes,” said one.; Londoner to another. “Last week I saw a man wearing a square monocle.” “Quite a unique spectacle,” replied the other. HEARTLESS. '1 \ Miss Plain (joyfully): I love being in, Tony’s company.. lie entertains me by talking about things other men never mention. .. ", - Miss Handsome (sarcastically): Indeed; has he proposed to you? ■ « • « * THE. OVERLOOKER. The big man and the little man were arguing about politics, and the big fellow began to grow red about the neck. “I know what I’m talking about!” he raged. “I read two newspapers every morning!” , , The little man stepped out. of reach, then retorted: “Very likely! And you’d read three if it didn’t mean changing your seat on the tram!” # « * • ■ SO MUCH EASIER. Jones was carrying a typewriter round to his dealers the other day when he collided heavily with a man . who came hurriedly round the comer. , ; . - ■ “Why don’t you be more careful?” demanded Jones wrathfully, as he collected his typewriter from the pavement.' “Hang it!” returned the other angrily, “why don’t you carry a fountain pen around, like I do?” ' . . * . * ♦ , GOOD SOULS. ■ ' . City magnate (boasting): I-put a friend of mine on his feet three .times in the last five years. Jones: Huh! That’s nothing. I put one, of my friends on his feet fifteen times last night! * * * * SOUND ARGUMENT. “A‘ lot of accidents, on the road,” said the motorist, “are caused by reckless drivers. Some of them never even sound their horn.” “That’s quite true,” said the listener. “They don’t give a hoot for anything.” A FORM OF EXERCISE. ' ■ Smith: About a -.month ago my wife was feeling unwell,' so she went to see the doctor, and he ordered her -to . take plenty of exercise. ’’ Jones: And is she doing it? ’ Smith:. Well, if jumping at conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise, she is. THE PLAGUE. • . 5 A Scotsman went to Australia and be-, gan boasting about his countrymen. "We .run everything in . England,” ? he asserted, “the House of Commons, all the industries,.the qty, ; the law,, everything, in fact. I suppose you find it the same here?” ' ■ • . • . .. . “Oh, yes,” replied the Australian, we have a lot of your-countrymen here, but our worse plague is. the rabbits. ’ « * ■' * ' ■ •' . WELL UP. “Yes,” said the. famous climber of mountains, “I always keep a rope tied around my waist. It has saved my life more than once.” • “But,” broke in a. listener, “it must be awful to be left hanging from that rope. Didn’t you feel nervous?” “Well, not exactly nervous,” came the reply, “just highly-strung, that’s all.” # * . * ■ * THE DRAWBACK. The inspector had put the pupils through a stiff examination, in which they had given every satisfaction. Then he proceeded to ask, a. few questions. “Can you finish this proverb?” he asked of a diminutive youngster. “People who live in glass houses—” Bewilderment was expressed in the child’s face, but after a short interval he answered:— ■ ( “People who live In glass houses cant ’ave a barf.” » « # • THE CHANCE. She was at an agency trying to engage a servant for her country house. When she had given particulars the proprietress of the agency turned to a row of girls, and remarked languidly:— “Now I wonder if any of you girls would care to spend a week or two in the country?” « A * # HUSTLE. • The bricklayers had just reached the ground level with the foundations .on a suburban housing estate. A workman, not connected with the job, was passing with a ladder on his shoulder. He stopped to watch the bricklayers. “Hey, chaps!” shouted one of them to his mates. “Better hurry. This fellow’s waiting to clean the windows.” # # #. # THE REASON. . Pamela: Doris and Teddy quarrelled so much while they were engaged tnat they decided the only thing to do was to get married. Percy: Ah! I see! A war to end wars, eh? HER BOOK. Petronella: Susette's had a divine life, my dear. Just like a book. . '. Priscilla: Yes—chap cne, chap two., chap three, and so on, '

HIGH PRESSURE. - The musical'instrument salesmen were having a convention. Finally the chairman called upon the young man . who had won the prize for selling the most caxophones. He was asked to tell how he was so successful. “I move into a large apartment house,” explained the salesman, “and play a saxophone for a week. Then I hang out a sign saying ‘Saxophone for sale;’ and everyone in the place comes in to buy!” »«* ■ • HE MIGHT CATCH IT. Squire: , Ah, George, how are you? By the way, I hear your father is ill. I hope it is nothing contagious? Farm labourer: So do I, sir. The doctor says he’s suffering from, overwork! w • * * THE DIFFICULTY. Pansy (chattering): Yes, my husband he can read me like a book! . Fanny: Yes, dear. I expect he can; but he can’t shut you up like one! # ’ * Mother: This is your new nurse, Peter, come and give her a kiss. Peter: I don’t mind giving her. a kiss, but it doesn’t mean anything as far as I’m concerned. &■* * * She was young and pretty, and Ijer confusion when she had no small change to pay for her twopenny ticket was quite charming. , “You couldn’t change a pound note for me?” she asked. ’ The conductor couldn’t “But, don’t worry,” he said, “you can pay me the twopence another time. ’ “But you may never see me again.” “Well, what odds!” the conductor replied, intending to be gallant. "I shan’t break my heart if I don’t.” '». * r . “Now, Tommy, what is one-fifth of three-sixteenths?” “I don’t exactly know, teacher, but it isn’t enough to’worry about.” «#■• ' • . “Yes, sir,’! said the man in the cell, “time was when I was admitted to th? very best houses.” ■ ' / - “And • what brought : you here?" "They caught me coming out,” .