CURRENT COMMENT

Taranaki Daily News, 21 October 1933, Page 1 (Supplement)

CURRENT COMMENT

OTHER POINTS OF VIEW.

(By

M.O.S.)

seems to be leagues away from

commonsense. • * • • As Mongolia is in the key position in the East, the new developments in that part of the world will no doubt keep Japan on the qui vive. # * * * Nearly £30,000 was distributed to dairy factory suppliers in the Stratford district on Friday.—ln spite of the slump they seem to have had quite a fat year. • * « « By-law Busters. A melodrama and a court-story inspired by the New Plymouth Borough Council's new by-laws; the first from the law that forbids loitering in the parks after midnight and the second from the law which states that “offensive” bathing costumes are prohibited. 1. Man Proposes. Scene 1: Pukekura Park. A young couple seated on a bench. The Poet: See, beloved, the trees lean over to look at themselves in the dark crystal of the water. Now the white moonlight pelts down and rings like bells on the lake. The wild drake harshly calls to his mate. The Maiden: Oh Harold! You talk just like thejr do in the pitchers. The Poet (pleased): Now grey clouds ripple across the moon, and the lake is grey and the night is soft and grey, and a grey darkness washes and murmurs about us. The wind’s cool fingers ruffle the water’s hair. The Maiden (moving a little closer): Ah! The Poet: On this night the young girls wander arm in arm on the seashore, restless and happy. The Maiden: Coo! The Poet (who has been leading up to this): Jane, I adore you. Will y0u.... Voice from the darkness: Oy! Move along there. Love ain’t allowed after twelve o’clock. The Poet: Time is an illusion. Voice: But the Borough Council isn’t. Oppit The Poet: Farewell beloved. I could not face you to-morrow after such an anti-climax. I shall go to Africa and be intrepid with hippopotami. • Thirty Years Pass. Scene 2: The same bench, the same park, the same couple. The Maiden (somewhat stouter but still romantic): Oh Harold! Fancy seeing you again after all these years. Did you get any hippopotami ? The Poet (slightly thinner but still romantic): Ah, Jane, every time I saw a hippopotamus I remembered you. Will y0u...... ~, . The Maiden: Oh Harold! This is so sudden. Voice from the darkness: Oy! Move along there. Love ain’t allowed after twelve o’clock. The Poet: Jane, I am a sensitive man. This is too much. I shall plunge into the icy waters. (Plunges). The Maiden: You shall not plunge alone. (Plunges also). Curtain. • • • • 2. The Artistic Inspector. A ease unique in the history of New Plymouth was heard at the Magistrates court this morning, when Mr. M. O. Sugar, who has recently been appointed Sanitary Inspector, charged John Edward Hipplewopple with appearing in a public place to wit Ngamotu beach clad in an offensive bathing costume. Mr. Sugar, who has cut his hair shorter but who still wears a black felt hat in a superior manner, opened his case by declaring that “offensive” did not perhaps signify the same thing to him as it had done to his predecessors in office. ‘‘The by-law under which the charge is laid,” he said, “is fortunately so worded that I can indulge my artistic prejudices to. the full.” The defendant Hippiebottle was one of the most nauseating and offensive sights he had ever seen. Defendant interrupted, saying that his name was wopple, not bottle, and Mr. Sugar apologised. Hopplebopple, he continued had been wearing a neck-to-knee ' costume of a fusty green hue. He had been sitting on the beach, wearing hom-rimmed spectacles, and pink sox with holes in them. On his head he had had a bowler hat, which was also greenish in texture. He had not shaved that morning and his knees were far from clean. Hubblebubble had not entered the water all day, but had remained on the beach in his poisonous attire reading Edgar Wallace and smoking a cherrywood pipe. All this was most offensive to the speaker, who liked to see young ladies in backless bathing togs and not bony-kneed old beavers. He would ask for a heavy penalty. The magistrate said that while he considered that Mr. Sugar was interpreting the by-law in rather a peculiar manner, he agreed that Hupplepopple was an offensive person. As he was in rather a bad temper that morning after receiving his 75th circular from the North Island Motor Union, he would have much pleasure in imposing a heavy fine on Popalong. Picklebottle protested that his name was Whoopingcoffle, not Chimneypottle as everyone seemed to think. '♦* * * Crusaders’ Song. Oh you make your laws and 111 make my laws And we’ll put them all together and create a bunch of by-laws, • For all the world but you and me is really very awful And all the things our neighbours do might well be made unlawful. Let’s get up and make a war on everything that’s lowdown, The rocket or the cracker or the wicked little throwdown, , And let’s not forget to keep our very strictest strictures For couples holding clammy hands when sitting at the pictures. Let’s make it wrong to eat blancmange or tapioca And let’s put a big taboo on playing chess or poker. Let’s put a ban or two on legs in stockings silken And feet that patter homeward when the milkman brings the milk in. Let’s put a curse on dances whether dry or alcoholic, We’ll put a ban on laughter and a hearty curse on frolic. Oh let’s make by-laws by the bucket and the tin-full For everyone but you and me is really very sinful. t