FUN AND FANCY

Taranaki Daily News, 2 September 1933, Page 20 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY

CAUGHT NAPPINGTl;e teacher was lecturing 'the class on the force of gravity. She turned to a boy who didn’t appear Very interested: . “What would.happen if we had no air, Jones?” she asked. “We’d all be bald, teacher,” was the unexpected reply. , *®. * WHERE THEY RESEMBLED. ' “You know, old chap,” said Freeman thoughtfully, “you constantly remind me of Smith.” .1 Grey laughed. . - “Don’t be an ass!” he retorted. “Why, Smith and I aren’t.a bit alike.”'. Freeman' shrugged his shoulders. “No; but'he .owes, me five bob, too,” he. replied.' . /

A QUEER JOB.

Smith: y° u see that lp3n at corner table over there ? He s an etiquette teacher in .a deaf and dumb school. . z I Brown: What are his duties ? Smith: Teaching tjie pupils not to talk when their hands are fuff. # #’ A GOOD ARRANGEMENT. Father ‘was giving some parental advice to his grown-up son., “When,, you’re married, my boy,” he said, “you-should try to make the same arrangement I withy yoiir wife as your mother and I made.” “What - was that ?” asked the boy puzzled. \ ' “Well, we agreed that she was to have the deciding word in all small matters, and 'that-'anything, of importance was left to me.” '' '. ’• . ■ “Sounds all.right,” said the boy. ‘How did it work but?”Father looked’thoughtful. - . - ■ “Perfectly,”-he replied, “although, now I come to think of it, I don’t remember anything - of importance ever cropping up.” . 1 . * .* * The. mistress.'of the house was going out of her way to find extra work for her maid to -do. -In-the -end .the poor girl began to get fed up. Just then the mistress entered the kitchen. ■ ' ' “Mary,” she said sharply,- “have you finished 1 polishing toe ■.brass ornaments yet?”-. < ' “Yes, madam,” she replied, “all except . your rings and bracelets.” I I * * * # “Ha, ha!” laughed'Bigham. “Poor old Henpecked ! I saw you yesterday sewing a button op your coat.” “You did not,” snapped Henpecked. ■ “I tell you I did,” said Bigham. “I saw you with my own eyes.” ' Henpecked gave a'superior smile. “You didn’t,” he replied. “It was my wife’s coat.” ' . # * 1 * * ; '.'THE D/VYS TASK. “Well,. darling.” Daddy on his return', from to e cit y> “what have you been doing all day?” “Oh, nothing much,” replied Betty, aged three. “Only driving mother crazy.” # * HE KNEW. Father: Do you know what you’ll get if you don’t stop crying ? Spoilt Child: A-a-another piece of-ofi pudding. ' # & *. # The traveller had held the floor for two hours, boasting about his exploits. “There,” he said, “was I, nearing the edge of: a cliff,- 'moving at a terrific rate. The brakes refused to act. Nothing before me but a horrible death. What could I do?. What would you have done?” “Tried" to wake up,” said the little man in the cornerWARY SCOT. Sandy (on. telephone): 'Hello, Mac—is that' Mac speaking ? Mac: I Oh, er?eye—“Well, Mac, it’s tike ■ this. J w ant to borrow a few shillings, and I thought “Righto, I’ll- tell him, when he comes .in.” ' "" ■ -. ~ ' ’ t - -

A. number of mules had just'arrived at the camp, and .a recruit.made the common mistake of approaching too near one of them. . . His comrades quickly placed him on a stretcher, and started off for the hospital. On the way. jtoe invalid regained consciousness, .glared at the blue sky overhead, experienced the swaying motion as he was being carried along, and • shakily lowered his hands over the . side,- only to feel space. “Heavens ! I ain’t hit the ground yet, he groaned. , * * . * . Teacher: With .what , did Samson kjH many people ? % No reply. •... . . Teacher (pointing to his jaw): What is this? ■ ■■ Class: Oh, sir, the jaw of an ass. ' • • • .I’ • TROUBLE BREWING.: ... “I am unlucky,said ; the dejectedlooking Dick; “always, getting' into trouble.” . ■ • “What is it ’ this time ?” asked his friend. “' .-. “I find I’m engaged to two : girls at the same time,” replied- Dick. “Decidedly awkward !” said toe other. “What are you going to do abotit it?” “That’s not the point,” said Dick sadly. “It’s what they are going-to do that’s worrying me.” . #,• * * DOUBTFUL RECOMMENDATION. The local women's guild ..had made some cakes for the village bazaar. The vicar was given toe task of putting them up for auction. After several of toe more tasty variety had been successfully disposed, of tfie minister caine to toe substantial hut plainer-looking ones. “All,” he said enthusiastically, holding up a large cake, “now this is toe soft I like. Who will start the bidding ? Shall we say ten shillings?” : No offers were forthcoming. “Come, come, people,” he ■ smiled, “won't anyone make an offer? Let us say five shillings.” No response. “Dear, dear,” he exclaimed at last. “I’m surprised that I am not made an offer for such a lovely cake! Why, it is delicious. Just feel the weight" of it.” ' BUSINESS ASSETS. J • Employer: You say you understand two languages. What are they.? • ■ Prospective Typist: Flowers and stamps. **#a ' # ' l STRIKING. Friend: Jove, that’s a striking tie! What are the colours—Old Boys’ ? Jones (wearing wife’s choice): No—the old girl’s. # * HOW FORTUNATE., ; The Fairy: Oh, what luck—you step suits mine exactly! ' ‘ The Fool: I’m awfully glad, y’know. I’m such a rotten dancer. I * * *' a *' THE LAST WILL. Marion—l’ve just been, reading- about the power of toe will. It’s a wonderful thing. ' Marcus—Yes. I know of a will that makes five children and seventeen grandchildren behave themselves.