THE EDITORIAL CHAIR.

Taranaki Daily News, 18 December 1930, Page 8 (Supplement)

THE EDITORIAL CHAIR.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

(By

“Paritutu”.)

“Wager,” (Waitara).—The only way to beat Phar Lap would bei to push him and a draught horse over “The Gap” together. The office mathematician (Primer IL).’. has worked out that the average draught horse weighs -2491'b. 440 z. more than the champion, and in a drop of 348 ft. would beat Phar Lap by a long neck in a race to the bottom. “Nosey Parker,” (Opunake).—No, you are wrong. The gentleman you inquire about did . not get that black eye last Christmas Eve through forgetting the step in'the passage. He only tried to come down a ladder which some silly person had removed a few seconds earlier from the back - of the pub when the police made a raid. “Guesser,” (Okato).—You have no claim against the tailor if he made the pockets of your Christmas suit as big as sacks. He was only doing you a good turn, being aware that you would have a lot o! silver to cart around on Boxing Day, the banks having stopped issuing ten bob notes. “Angry ‘ Annie,” (Pihama).—Grieved that you resent my remarks, and note that yoq threaten to “get your wool off.” That’s a mild threat, judging by’ the prices ruling for ewes’ overcoats. Still. Happy Christmas, old dear. ‘“Disgusted,” (Batea).—You say you had Is 3d on Tea Chat, and the five bob tote paid 7s. Then your share should have 'been Is 9d. You have been robbed of 3d, and have your remedy. Send particulars of age, weight, height and pugnacity of the person .who collected for you; also same of yourself, and I will advise you whether to take it out of his hide —or just “hide.” If still in doubt, consult T. Donovan Esq. , * A ’ ‘‘Christmas Present.”;—lf the voile frock which you bought for your daughter aged seven is too

small for her, why not. give it to your wife. W she won’t' accept it, what’s.,; wrong with using it for a hanky? . • ■ : • ,-. e . “Country Correspondent,” (Matapu).—-Through a printer’s error your caption, “A Great Pioneer, appeared as “A Great Pointer.” Tlje comp., .who is a two-bottle mail, says■ that, he knows the. old ■ gent personally, arid refuses ito; apologise; . , “Puzzled,” (Waverley).—The two sides of Sydney Bridge were only a fraction of .an inch out of plumb when they met-in the centre. What would have happened if they had not met, af . all is . difficult, to say, but many decent fellows would probably have fallen into the harbour when carrying home their Christmas beer on the night of the-24th.'' “Loser,” (Egmont Village) wants to know what iiappened to Blank in the last race at Awakino, and says rude things a'bout the jockey. De mortals nifiil nisi bonum.’’ , .■: :

“The Surprise.” , .. --•/■ Old. Brown had pot’only won about twenty pounds at the races, but had sunk many beers, and as he stumbled back to the township to get his -horse and buggy at the’Carbine' Stables, he was feeling very pleased with himself. It was time that he made the old woman a' present, he thought,-and. acting on the impulse, he entered a shop, and .purchased some silk.stockings. . A box. of scent for the eldest girl, and a bathing suit for the boy quickly iol|owed. “What about a suit of clothes for. yourself?” said the shopkeeper, ever keen oh making hay while the sun shone. Brown Was easily persuaded,''and the suit was tried' on, and eventually parcelled up for him. Then, Jaden, with.parcels, and feeling more like Santa Claus than anything else, he went across to the Central to ‘top himself off? This done, ho made his way to. the Stables, secured his . outfit, , tossed the into the back of the buggy,' arid departed for home. Whether it was the effect of backing fast racehorses, or too much beer, Brown tried-to break all records between the township and the farm, all the while—betweeri the bumps and jumps—chanting, “Won’t I give them all a. surprise when they see me! Won’t they get a shock when I get home!” About half a' mile from the homestead he had to cross a small bridge, and there he had a brain-wave. What about doing the surprise stunt properly ■' Yes. Why not? He would don his-new suit. That would give them a shock! So, suiting the action to the impulse, he stripped off his old. clothes—they were very torn and ragged-—and, making a bundle of them, cast: them; into the swift running stream. Then, with a chuckle, he- reached for the parcel containing his new suit'. Horror! ■lt was missing! There wasn’t a single parcel in- the back of the buggy. The curtain ‘is, drawn (by order of the censor) over the rest of' this, but.it may safely be stated that ;Mrs.' Brown ■ and the family received their surprise,' even if their presents were missing.