ENTER MY LORD FOOL.

Taranaki Daily News, 18 December 1930, Page 5 (Supplement)

ENTER MY LORD FOOL.

GENTLEMEN! A TOAST. •■f / '"(By “Juvenis.”).■ i - ■ ? (Enter my Lord Tool, Singing). . j. There was a pig went out .to dig, '.! ■Qhrissimus Day, Chrissimus Day, >, - There was a. pig went out-to dig, - 'Chrissimus Day in the morning. > „lfy. :liord Fool; A Merry Christmas to you, .gen* tlemenl. What, so many of. you. here,' my dear old friends, my intellectual comrades! Not; so sour, gentlemen. Give me the sweetness of your smiles. Now firs, step. forward to 'be presented to My Majesty. Stand on no. ceremony to-day, sirs. Are we not all Fools together? Oh, ho! Mr. Tax Collector! We have met before, old spindle-shanks. Lend me a crown, will you? What, you have ‘.nothing smaller than a sovereign? My dear old fellow, that will suit me most agree-; ably. No, not away so fast, go slowly, slowly so that-I can see your back. I always have admired, I always shall admire, your bdck. ’ > ” . ’

Lawyer Pedant, or I am much mistaken! Pray sir, give care to your address. How does it go? May it please your Honour (Frown blackly at the witness, stare wisely.at the jury. Whereas Mr. Lawyer Pedant, on the date of December 25, 1530, in a., company of people hereinafter to be 'known as the Assembly of (Fool’s, and so to bo designated -by that title, according to the‘Legislative Enactment, No. 114, Sub-section 113; whereas in , that ■ Assembly, one, my Lord Fool, did most graciously admit one, Lawyer 'Pedant, to be his compeer and his 'boon-fellow ... A truce to long- , windedness, Mr. Lawyer Pedant. Come sit at my /right hand. < . ’ I ' How now, old codfish! Who is this lean, bluenosed'fellow without flesh.? He smells of . the grave. How came you to this merry company, old misery? Old Rigid Prohibitionist,, indeed! ' Well, well, Will Shakespeare or another said- Adversity maketh Strange Bedfellows.- There was a wag for you, the same . William. Many a sportive jest we had together. What -have you in the bottlef sir?’ Cold tea! God preserve us! Let me warn you, my dear sir, .of the evils of drink, .of the fierce grip the said drink will take .of ■ you, sapping your life-blood. And of all drinks, there is none so baneful, < none so remorseless on the vitals, as. that same cold tea.

. Ah, Mr. Fashionable Doctor, you look poorly. What, only a cold? H’m, well, I sincerely hope so. Your pulse, sir, is something feverish. That pallor

in your cheeks, I hope, is quite unnatural. No pain inside? No pain. Ah! That’s, bad, sir, that’s very bad. The disease.must be slow working, obscurely seated. You sleep well. No dou’bt, sir, no doubt at all, but let me remind you that many before now have died in their. beds, t--Come, put out your tongue. H’m, h’m/ I thought, I feared eo. Boy, bring me a Latin dictionary. . H’m, h’qi, now let me see. Sir, you are the victim of a strange malady. I must operate at ionpe. The disease? Tush, you know it well, sir. It is one of your prime favourites, the frightful, devouring, complaint of Bunkum Bunkorunu ;

Who is this that .weeps like a fountain? Ah, Farmer Grumble, I did hear, now and then, that you did poorly. I did hear whisperings that you. were sadly imposed upon, that your outgoings were high and your profits low and the country going to the kennels. Your pardon, did J. hear you speak? You wish to move a motion strongly protesting against the iniquitous action of the . Come, come! I will move you a motion. I will move, second and carry that this lawful Assembly of Fools do hereby strongly move protesting r.gainst the iniquitous custom of moving motions. My dear Mr. Moneybags! Come right in, sir; 1 was expecting you some time; What did you say ? No tomfoolery about you! Well, well, we shall see. You look paunchy, Mr. Moneybags. Oh, I see, you sleep badly. Pardon me, but your hands move fretfully, your eyes squint, Mr. Moneybags. Ob, yes, of course, you are worried about your 'affairs. Your flesh hangs loose in folds;, Mr. Moneybags. Of course, of course, only natural. I forgot your digestion ■ was poor. I am concerned to hear it. My dear Moneybags, am I to understand that you have no rest, no joy, no health? Dear, dear! What have you then? What, money?. Oh, ho! gentlemen! Here is a jester of the first quality. Sit on my left, sir; sit on my right; no sir/.sit in my very own place! ■' Well, gentlemen, are we all here? Charge your glasses, if you please. Come up, come up, sirs. Codfish, what is that cheerless, brownish liquid? Beware your vitals! No heel-taps! Full beakers for everyone. I give you, gentlemen, the toast of the Season: ‘‘Jhs DevilTaiA You AR-”